What is the remainder of your life like after weight loss surgery?

[Kpbffyjjgfi]

Hi everyone, I'm new to this board, didn't know it existed! Am going to spend the morning reading posts on here.

My question. I am considering weight loss surgery probably privately. My bmi is 43. I am very unhealthy and very unfit. I'm a UK size 26. I'm 36 years old. Now I am going to be completely honest here. I did not have a weight problem at all until the last ten years. I was an average weight child, teenager and young adult. My weight started to creep on during my 20s due to starting an office job sitting down all day, moving out of my parents home and being able to have take aways and whatever food I wanted and then having 2 pregnancies. This over the years has developed into do disordered eating I'm a housewife and get lonely and bored during the day so I eat alot. If I'm upset /worried I eat. I also binge eat and eat secretly.
I've lost weight before but I just can't stick to it for the length of time needed for my weight loss (probably a minimum of 2 years)
I've started to look into surgery and I have confidence that it will work, but what will my life look life long term? I have read that it is very very restrictive in a lot of ways. I.e tiny portions, no fizzy, no bread etc.

My attitude to this probably says I'm not in the right mind set but here's my thoughts. My weight has impacted my life a lot. I've withdrew socially and developed anxiety etc. I basically have no life. Covid hasn't really changed my life as I never did anything for myself socially at all. Just stuff for the kids.
If I was ever lucky enough to lose the weight, I want my life back. I want to go out with friends and family. I want to attend parties, and bbqs, go on holidays, out for lunch with cocktails with friends etc. If I had surgery such as a gastric sleeve would anything like this still be possible? If it wasn't I think the effects on me mentally would be very negative. So I'm asking here for people with real life experience of it.

You don’t want to know mine..,

A family member had weight loss surgery but has still really struggled. They still have a very difficult relationship with food and it causes a tremendous amount of stress. They did lose weight but i guess it opened my eyes as to how much more there is to it. They had it on the NHS and had to do certain things in order to qualify for the surgery and I think had counselling, I would just make sure that if you have the op privately, that you know where you can find support networks etc as the surgery won't be a one stop shop if that makes sense.

I'm sorry you're at a point where you feel that you need surgery. I have a very poor relationship with food too, I've got a baby and am doing my upmost to wean her well and help her develop a healthy relationship with food.

Sorry I got distracted, my family member had a gastric band. You are right no fizzy drink, needing to eat very slowly and chew each mouthful at least 20 times I think, with bits of food the size of a 20p when they go into their mouth. For lunch they often have things like cuppa soup because it's easy to have whilst working. They also feel very self conscious eating in front of others because they are so slow to eat now, so don't like eating without people (they're ok with immediate family). Sometimes they're better than others and can eat with friends etc, just depends how they're doing at the time.

*don't like eating with people

Hi OP, I was basically you, at 35 I had a bmi of 48 and size 28. In 2016 I had a Roux-en-Y gastric bypass in my local private hospital (I didn't want to travel).

I lost 10 stone in 2 years. It's not the easy way. I had a lot of pain and was sick after every meal pretty much for a year. Mentally I found it so hard to cope because food had been my comfort for decades and now it was making me sick and hurting.

Things got better, I'm now nearly 5 years out and I haven't been sick at all for over 2 years. I have to supplement everything, I take calcium, iron, b12, multivitamins every day but I feel great, I exercise every day. 2 stone have crept back on but that's inevitable since I'm no longer throwing up every meal.

I would definitely do it all again, knowing what I know because I'd never have the life I have now without surgery, I'd never have managed to lose weight without it. BUT, a bit BUT it doesn't cure disordered eating. As soon as my capacity for eating increased I started using food as comfort again. I'm now seeing an eating disorder counselor to help me through this because if I keep gaining half a stone a year I can very well see myself going back to where I was.

So it's not easy. There is no easy way to lose a large amount of weight. I get SO annoyed with people who say 'my friend lost x stone but she did it the hard way with diet and exercise' and I want to scream at them - you think what I did was easy? You'll get a lot of judgement but you just need to block it out, people will never know what it's really like.

I am 2 years out of gastric sleeve surgery and it has changed my life immeasurably (in a good way)

I feel like now I can really eat like slim people. Because I can't eat loads, I make sure my choices are varied and flavourful.

I am not hungry ALL THE TIME, like I was pre surgery. After losing 50kgs+ I can move more, I exercise daily and and so much happier and feel great.

It was hard to adjust as good is my comfort.i can still over do it (I gained 5kgs over Christmas through alcohol and chocolate)

I still drink a sprite zero daily (out of a stainless steel cup to remove the majority of bubbles) I enjoy a glass of wine or 2 at the weekend.

I can eat what I want, just smaller portions, I have very good restriction when eating nutritious, high protein meals.

It has reinvigorated my love of cooking, I am not so exhausted all the time. I haven't been this light in my entire adult life.

It's not an easy process and I REALLY wanted the surgery, for me there was no choice. But you have to really think long and hard if you are willing and able to make life long changes to how you eat. The surgery is still a tool, it won't change your mindset or attitude to food and nutrition.

Today, I still track my food and calories, I follow a low carb diet and still make sure I have space for a little treat daily.
I will never be able to eat what I want and not gain weight, and I am just learning to accept that now.

Happy to chat more if you would like :)

I've had gastric sleeve 9 years ago when I was about your age. No regrets. My reason was that I was about 16st, have battled my weight all my life and felt it was only going to get worse so I'd have waited 10 years, got 5 st heavier and had it anyway but by then I'd have lost another 10years of my life hating myself and gained a lot of skin which wouldn't snap back as easily. I joined a group of people pre and post surgery so had an idea of the pros and cons.

I lost 5st, but the last stone goes on & off depending on how focused I am in not feeding my sugar addiction.
I was never someone who could just love me as I was unfortunately. I'm really happy for people who can do that, but it wasn't me.
Pros:
I am much more confident and outgoing. This has benefited my career, my social life and my love life. I am no longer a walking apology for the amount of space I take up and my apparent lack of discipline.
I wear a size 12-14, I like clothes and I have more choice now
I feel full after a meal (I was never full before) I concentrate more on making sure I eat enough of the good stuff rather than restricting the "bad stuff", that psychological reset happened in the 6 or so months following surgery when I had to learn to eat again. It was harsh but effective.
I am healthier - no longer a diabetes risk, and rarely get pain flare ups from disc prolapse which had previously crippled me. My joints feel better. I'm more active because carrying less. If I carry a suitcase weighing 20kg upstairs now I can't believe I was doing that all the time plus more, no wonder I always felt lazy.
Cons:
It is major surgery, there are risks. I take omeprazole permanently to guard against heartburn, and if I'm not careful can become anaemic if I don't eat enough good stuff.
I enjoy all the things you name, holidays, bbqs, meals out, just in smaller portions. People can be a bit funny about that, it makes them uncomfortable. I always choose tapas, sushi, meze, dim sum where you basically order small plates and only what you need. Family still insist on occasional set menu 3 course roast dinner which I hate because I can't eat half of it and food waste makes me anxious.

Only you can decide on the risk/reward for you, it's good to speak to others to help you understand those. Hopefully you can find an impartial medical professional too

A bigBUT is what I meant!

Also I had type 2 diabetes, high BP and high cholesterol which have obviously now all gone.

I also forgot to say that most people incl myself experience hair loss, my hair got really thin about 6 months in, I found it really distressing but after a year it started growing back in and it's back to normal now

Thanks for all your comments. It's so hard to know what to do for the best.
My husband is in the same situation as me so it's difficult because webith make poor food choices. We both diet together and when one of us falls off the wagon, the other one does too.
My kids are the opposite to us. I am so conscious of them not being like me I make sure they eat healthy foods etc and they are the perfect weight for their height and age and they are both sporty and fit.

Last year we started a very low calorie weight loss programme as featured on TV. It worked (although I hated doing it) but I ended up in hospital!!! The low calories caused me to become tachycardic. Tests showed my electrolytes were threw the floor. I had to have them given introvenously and was very poorly for a few weeks. The doctors really told me off that I could have damaged my heart permanently. This bloody terrified me and now I'm scared of reducing my calories too much. I presume after surgery you have to take lot of medication to stop this from happening?

A family member has had a gastric sleeve after a gastric band failed, and has really struggled. She's had to have her gallbladder removed, has daily stomach pain (not helped by still overloading her stomach a lot of the time), her teeth have gone a funny colour, she's had hair loss due to the mineral deficiencies. She's really struggled mentally the most, as she's lost her lifetime coping mechanism of comfort eating. She initially lost about 6/7 stone but that's now completely stalled and she's still significantly overweight.

I feel really sorry for her and it's not something I'd ever consider.

I had a gastric band. I only lost a stone and a half.

Then it gave me reflux. After 9 years it was removed, but I’ve still got horrific reflux.

Hi @Kpbffyjjgfi - I had a gastric sleeve 5 months ago and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. I had a bmi of 43.5 and weighed 19 stone 2. I’ve now lost just over 4 stone.

In terms of eating and leading a normal life, I can eat anything including chewy meats etc and eat completely normally. I would say that I now eat like a naturally slim person. Although I now eat very small portions and have lost weight (anywhere between 1 pound and 6 pounds a week!) every week since surgery, it doesn’t feel like hard work. I don’t spend all day thinking about food and when I’m full, I’m done.

Because the sleeve drastically reduces the size of your stomach you have to prioritise protein and then vegetables to make sure you’re getting your nutrition right. I therefore naturally eat low carb and eat very little if any sugary/sweet things.

I feel amazing and would like to lose another 4 stone but a further 3 would be fine.

There’s a thread where a few of us who’ve had the surgery or are considering it chat - why not have a read.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/weight_loss_chat/4152685-Bariatric-surgery-no-2-thread