Leaving behind the benefits of being fat

[PlumpAndDeliciousFatcat]

Hear me out: I have a lot of weight to lose and am making good progress. I have done a lot of work on the emotional connections to my overeating and I’ve recently had the revelation that for the last few years there have been some benefits to being very fat.

My natural body shape is an exaggerated hourglass and being overweight has been a very effective disguise. No unwanted stares. I’m taken more seriously at work. None of this is a reason to stay fat but I’m finding it helpful to acknowledge that my fat has served a purpose even as I work hard to get rid of it.

Does anyone else feel similarly?

Did you develop early or were you sexually abused?

It’s a common reaction to “get fat” as a protective mechanism.

When you say you’re taken more seriously at work do you mean in comparison to when you were lighter at work or do you mean in comparison to lighter colleagues who aren’t taken seriously?

I admit I’ve never heard anyone say being overweight gives a professional advantage.

No sexual abuse but I was an early developer and always looked much older than I was. I had fairly large breasts which would be pointed and stared at by adult men from the age of about 12.

At a healthy weight, I stood in a staff room to be introduced to my colleagues and watched as they openly exchanged glances and raised eyebrows to say ‘wonder why they hired her?’

I was a proper hourglass (bigger bottom though) bit not an early developed. I've never felt I was less respected because of it. Is it possible you though they thought about you like that because of your experience ftom early years? Just going how you describe their thoughts you thought they had.

Over the last 5 years I've gone from healthy weight curvy to quit fat and part of me is enjoying the invisibility this gives me. As you say it's not a good enough reason to stay fat, and I'll certainly be making more effort to lose the weight for the sake of my health, but it has been refreshing. It's only once it stopped that I really registered that I'd be dealing with through away sexual comments/ harassment on a daily basis.

Oooh OP that struck a chord. I was (am?) a classic hour glass shape and very thin as a teen. 5p’ 7” size 8 waist, big boobs, hips. Always had unwanted attention and always found it very intimidating, from the age of 12/13 I had men whistling, staring, catcalling, groping and I just didn’t know what to do. At 16 I was assaulted on a bus at night, in full view of the driver and other passengers who did nothing. This man followed me off the bus at my stop and didn’t leave me alone until I called a friend and pretended he was my boyfriend. A few months later, I was raped by a taxi driver after another night out. Looking back, that’s when I started piling the weight on and I’m 33 now and am around 7 stone over the recommended weight for my height. It’s fluctuated, I’m five stone bigger than when I got pregnant with DS4, but it is a bit like a safety blanket, the weight.

I'm having the opposite experience in lates 30s.
A lifetime of being slim, I ended up gaining weight a couple of years ago.
Like you suspect, it's so freeing. No stares no gawking, no awkward chat up lines from strangers when you are converted! I was invisible.
And being taken seriously at work. I'd always dressed with military precision and take care not to be too friendly too men lest it gets interpreted as flirting and I get treated any better than the rest of the team!
It's been great being able to have honest friendships with men. And with women, I could finally relate and join in some conversations about dieting, getting self conscious or clothes sizes.
I'm feeling some health effects unfortunately, so I'll have to skin down soon. Hopefully I'll get older soon and it will be similar.
Thank you for sharing!

Late 40s. I've lost 4 stone of my 5 and half needed. My fat did wonders. It padded out my wrinkles before now. I had a lovely round pert arse that's now non existant. I now have one of those backs that just merges into your legs. My bouncy round bosoms are now flat bitsof saggy skin that just look wrinkled in any attempt in a push up bra, so I've lost my cleavage too.
I've lost all my looks. I'm just a saggy wrinkly version of my previous self.

And I've had a personal online trainer for 4 months and been working out and "toning up" for over a year, so fuck knows what I'd be like if I'd not even done that.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

I was a proper hourglass (bigger bottom though) bit not an early developed. I've never felt I was less respected because of it. Is it possible you though they thought about you like that because of your experience ftom early years? Just going how you describe their thoughts you thought they had.

I am sure that you mean this kindly but this kind of thinking made me doubt myself for years. It wasn’t until two colleagues were disciplined for openly making comments in the staff room about my bra size leading to my job that I had confirmation that it wasn’t all in my head.

Even the nicest, most supportive of men would stare if they thought I wasn’t looking. That flick of the eyes downwards when they think they can get away with it.

Thank you all for your thoughts. I’m so sorry to hear of the awful things that pp have experienced.

Yeah. I didn't mean it badly. Sorry. Reading other posts, it may just be taht I look at it differently because I grew up elsewhere and we just weren't catcalled on streets as girls by adult man or openly sexually harassed. So I admit I see cannot fully understand the impact. Sorry! Didn't mean to make you feel worse!

No worries

Right back at ya with them

@PlumpAndDeliciousFatcat this is exactly how I feel . I like the thinking on how the fat has served a purpose.

I became obese after being raped when I was 13. The weight was definitely a safety mechanism, and I didn't lose it until my mid 20s when I met DH. He reinstalled my trust in the world and only then was I able to work hard to lose the protectiveness of the weight.

Going from a size 22 to an 8/10 has left with a lot of saggy skin now though, it just reminds me of what happened when I was 13 so I'd love a tummy tuck but DH says he loves all of me.

Wish I did!