Weight loss is lonely

[alpenguin]

I’m finding weight loss and exercise really lonely.

It’s the first time I’ve tried and I’m doing really well but I don’t really have anywhere to share my successes and excitement without guilt. My family don’t care and I don’t want to boast or wave it in peoples faces and that’s what I feel happens in the groups I’ve joined on fb.

One group of people I’ve known for a while are always on and off diets and I feel like I can’t discuss my successes without feeling like I’m boasting, which isn’t my intention. I’m not on a diet either I’m just doing a health overhaul. I tried joining another few groups but there’s so much bad information and disordered eating going and I don’t want to be enabling that or get caught up in that. A friend invited me to their fitness group but they’re all extreme bodybuilders and trying to persuade me to eat three steaks a day and I’m still a fat middle aged mum at the beginning of her journey. they kind of talk down to me as if I’m stupid and a bit of a joke.

Is it just a lonely path that I have to go alone and keep quiet about my successes? Failures seem far more socially acceptable but I can’t really afford to have any for my health

I joined WW and the app (which is completely brilliant) contains a huge community section called Connect, where everyone shares their successes, mistakes, happy days, bad moods, weigh-ins, recipes, everything. Photos, videos...

It’s been one of the reasons I managed to lose 4.5 stone. Nobody else I know is losing weight - I’m surrounded by greedy men! - so I would have quit without it.

There are posts and groups on MN for various diets, but I found them hard to follow as it’s just names, not many pictures, and set out in a thread format. The WW app can be grouped by location, age, which plan you’re doing (WW has 3 plans at the moment), etc. It’s just easy. I need easy. 😆

And you can also join a virtual WW meeting on the app too. There are millions of different ones. It’s a Zoom chat with loads of other people, led by a coach. They’re fun. And there are online exercise classes, meditation audios, recipes.. the app is huge.

I always hated WW. I’m not sure why - I thought it was unhealthy and took ages to lose any weight. But honestly I love it now. The app is the best app I use.

I will stop preaching! 😂 I’m not a coach or anything.

I suppose it depends if you can find a group with a similar mindset to yours.

I'm not bothered what others think - when I step on the scales and see the numbers going down, it's enough for me. I've lost a stone (two more to go) and there's been no one to comment - my skinny husband never seems to notice and his only expressed opinion is that my weight doesn't affect his feelings for me.

If you're not interested in bodybuilding then that's not going to be the right group for you.

Do you work with others (in non-Covid times)? I used to find if I lost weight I got supportive comments in the office, but obviously at the moment I am only seeing work people over video-conferencing, so they won't know I've lost weight.

It might be easier once lockdown is over and you start seeing more people in real life who'll notice your weight loss and encourage you.

Congratulations on your successes so far!

I sympathise OP. I’m losing weight at the moment, 6lb down and another 15 to go. However, I’m a size 10, trying to be an 8 so I don’t feel like I can share it with anyone as they’ll all say “oh you don’t need to lose weight” or I’d feel guilty as they’re bigger than I am anyway.

Luckily my DP is very into fitness so is very supportive of me and makes a big deal when I lose another lb. What also keeps me going is how much better I’m going to look and feel when I start seeing people in real life again in a few months time.

I don’t want to join weightwatchers or anything like that, I don’t have the money to do so anyway. I’m doing well on my own with balanced diet, reducing portion sizes and regular exercise.

I wouldn’t mind more weight training/bodybuilding when I’m in a position to do that but right now I just want to get out of the obese BMI category at a slow and steady pace and increase my
Fitness levels.

My job no longer exists thanks to covid and it was fairly solitary anyway.

It’s not really about having others notice, it’s about the camaraderie and support I can get from people going through the same thing who won’t mind me doing a wee happy dance when I do well and will happily kick my arse when I’m doing not so well.

Do you follow particular recipes OP? A lot of them have their own Facebook groups.
I use Pinch of Nom a lot for dinners and am in their Facebook group. They can be slightly evangelical about PON but it’s very supportive with lots of people posting progress photos or what they’ve eaten that day.
Lots of the recipes are on their website so no need to even buy the books

I sympathise OP. I've got into shape after doing 1 round of EC method (brilliant group and coaching) but because I'm now going on my own and still losing fat I haven't joined since and I do miss talking to like minded people. Some of the posts on MN and other forums are really dangerous but even if I post something sensible it just gets drowned out by all the crazy diet suggestions. My H has a really unhealthy eating habit and doesn't exercise, and I have to stop talking to him about it so that it doesn't sound like I'm nagging him. My mum gets jealous of my progress.

BTW I think you should start strength training if you haven't already. Even if it's not to body building level and that you don't think you're not light enough yet it will do wonders for your shape and it keeps your metabolism high.

Fitbit has a community section.

Your situation sounds very like mine @safetyzone!
My oh doesn’t want to know and my mum just gets jealous if i mention to her. I do strength training every second day and I enjoy it but I need to be careful for health reasons not to overdo it.

I’m afraid I don’t even know what pinch of nom is @Turnedouttoes - I don’t really follow recipes just eat unprocessed foods. I’ll look it up

I can see what you mean but ultimately you need to find a way of self motivating without need ing outside validation. When you are stood at the fridge making a food choice, you are the only one there. Doesn’t it feel great when you look in the mirror or stand on the scales. I lost two stone last year and although I enjoyed telling close family and my gp, I didn’t need their aproval, I felt so good about it in myself.

@LockdownIsDragging

I can see what you mean but ultimately you need to find a way of self motivating without need ing outside validation. When you are stood at the fridge making a food choice, you are the only one there. Doesn’t it feel great when you look in the mirror or stand on the scales. I lost two stone last year and although I enjoyed telling close family and my gp, I didn’t need their aproval, I felt so good about it in myself.

I agree about the self motivated part! I don't think OP is lacking in that but it is true that sometimes it would be nice to share the journey with someone who can empathise. But yeah, ultimately we own our own health, for sure.

I’m not looking for validation just support and having others on a similar journey to cheer each other on. Recognition of the journey is very different to validation.

The idea you’re on your own so just own it is a strange one in a species where socialising, community and family are meant to be so important.

Those giving up alcohol or drug addictions are given mentors for such things and both substances you can in theory cold turkey from but food you cannot. So it helps having someone by your side. That said I’m not craving food I don’t need that kind of support and the food related groups are filled with very dangerous diets and theories and disordered eating.

I’m not looking for a a brass band I’m looking for others to share their stories, so I can celebrate those successes and they can mine... and we can share our struggles and help motivate each other - so I’m able to talk with people going through the same things.

The idea it’s for validation is quite frankly offensive. I do not need validation from anyone and I don’t think anything I’ve said reading back suggests I do.

Everyone needs a cheerleader sometimes. There is no shame in it.
There are some pretty lovely threads on here where you could find the support and the comlany of people going through the weightloss. It's nkt real life, but the people here are pretty lovely and have rants, cheer, moan, celebrate, just do the normal things but online. Join into some. It may help a bit?

they kind of talk down to me as if I’m stupid and a bit of a joke.
This is horrible and not like gym people I met who were always supportive.

It's a shame your OH isn't into it. Mine nods seriously when I moan amd cheers with me when i lose. Is it because they jsut genuinely don't give a fuck? Or more like "god👀 If I show enthusiasm I might have to join in" thing?