Oh, OP!
Sorry you feel so down.
OK; I had been getting heavier and heavier, unhappy at work and home, in denial about how I was losing the body shape that suited me, and then horrified and upset by the pictures of me celebrating my Dc’s 18th . 
It took me almost another year to to something about it, I just didn’t step into the right headspace.
Then at the beginning of lockdown 1 I suddenly and quite randomly ‘clicked’ with a thread in this board, and haven’t looked back.
Friendliness made a difference, (I joined a later thread under a different name, but all have been friendly, helpful and informative), as well as my own gear shift.
When I wasn’t getting to grips with losing the excess stones I viewed weight loss as a chore, a burden.
Then suddenly saw adopting healthy eating and exercise that I enjoyed as a pleasurable project, like starting a long book, and intending to enjoy each chapter.
I didn’t adopt any ‘diet’, I just chose healthy food that I enjoy, ate in modest portions, and cut out eating biscuits, choc, crisps and toast as regular snacks.
I have eaten those things, often, but as a one off in the week, not routine snacks.
But enjoying healthy eating and putting effort into healthy cooking was a big part of keeping me going.
The next thing was celebrating success. I have been losing roughly 1lb a week / 500g, and from the first half pound was pleased with myself and used that as motivation to go for the next half pound. I like to visualise weight loss in terms of packets of butter: every half pond is a packet of butter less round my middle.
Thirdly, don’t be deterred and discouraged by minor gains / no loss weeks. Just like the Covid graphs that have little up and down spikes all the way down the overall downward slope. You are still ahead of yourself if you are not above your starting weight.
Key is finding an eating pattern that suits you and your lifestyle and that you can adjust to without it feeling like torture.
It did take me about a week to break the all day snacking habit. It helps to have some designated ‘allowed’ snacks. A satsuma, carrot batons, spoonful of cottage cheese or a spoonful of yogurt with frozen blueberries, cup of miso soup were mine.
I have lost 15Kgs since May.
And I could see / feel the difference quite quickly, which encouraged me, people really started to comment early autumn. (I didn’t tell anyone I was on a mission, except to mention sometimes that I was trying to adjust to a healthier diet in the face of COVID)
I do wish you the best of luck, OP.