Please help me, where do I start?

[Overweight]

I need to do something about my weight. I came across the ‘start in Feb’ thread but I actually don’t know where to begin in a way which will be sustainable. I’ve never seriously dieted, only been a bit careful from time to time and coupled that with serious exercise, which I can’t do in the same way at the moment. I work well with targets and trackers, so think I need to put a bit of time into preparing a plan before starting it. Sorry this will be a bit long, but I’m hoping to have a bit of a splurge of info and then piece together the plan, with your support and advice.

Me:
I’m almost 42. I have a 2.5 year old toddler and five month old baby. I thought I was a fat teenager, but looking back at pictures, I was healthy, normal. However I wasn’t a 90s waif and felt fat. Magazines and horrible boys at school didn’t help.

At uni I fell too much in love with beer and sitting in the bar. I was active, but not really active enough. I left uni a dress size 14-16.

I started a graduate job working 12-15 hours a day. I lived on my own, I ate badly. I drank too much wine. I did as good as no exercise for five years. Dress size a firm 16.

I changed jobs in my late twenties and got into a sport I loved. For about three years I was exercising at a moderate to hard level at least three times a week, normally four, sometimes five or six. Competed to a reasonable level. Dress size still a 16, but I was fit, didn’t have a particularly large tummy compared to the rest of me.

Work and life meant I couldn’t keep up that level of exercise commitment. Over the last five years, I’ve had two very close family bereavements, two miscarriages and two babies. I was already at my then heaviest going into my first successful pregnancy after the bereavements and miscarriages. I tried to lose a bit of weight during my first maternity leave, with small success but fairly insignificant. I did a C25K course which I enjoyed but the group dissipated once it finished so I stopped.

I really struggled when I returned to work, trying to cram all of my work within DC’s nursery hours. DH wasn’t able to help as he worked longer hours. I ended up off work with stress and loss of confidence for a few months before returning about a year ago. Haven’t done any proper exercise since the C25K

My second pregnancy coincided with lockdown so working from home at the same time as having the toddler at home. Barely left the house. Horrifically inactive. Post birth, I’m now in size 18 clothes.

Now DC1 is back at nursery and I am on mat leave. I need to lose weight. I am unhappy in many aspects of my life, and I feel a lot of lack of confidence (which I never used to have, my friends would have regarded me as one of the most confidant people they know) stems from how I feel about myself. Further, I know I am an old mum. I want to be healthier for my children. I want to be able to do activities with them for the long term future. And I am aware that losing weight gets harder as you get older.

Exercise:
I’m not very good at self motivation. I hate gyms. I like team sports and group activities. I am competitive and can get stuck into them, but on my own it’s too easy to avoid. Not ideal when anything I want to do has to fit around children.
I’m doing Pilates online once a week which I have done for a few years now
I’m trying to get out and push the pram with a bit of oomph at least every other day
I did a buggy fit class on my first mat leave but don’t think it did anything.
I’m thinking of paying for a PT once lockdown is over but would have the baby with me which limits options. I’d found some great ones pre Covid who would hold the baby etc. but I’m not sure what’s possible now. I would hope this would be a good investment.

Food:
This is where I get in such a mess. I’m hopelessly fussy. I have always had problems with a lot of food. Proper physical reactions. Most tastes and textures make me gag. I hate being like this. I hate avoiding social events for fear of what the food will be. I can’t go near fruit. I do eat some vegetables. No salad. I like plain beige food. Too many carbs.

And I love chocolate and wine. But I can limit these if I put my mind to it. Just never done so for any length of time.

I’ve never tracked calories properly. I get hungry quickly and I get in a bad mood when I’m hungry.

Things I have in mind which you might be able to help with:
⁃ exercise ideas suitable for doing with a baby in tow/in the house?
⁃ Exercise tracking apps? Or should I get a fit bit type gadget? Strava for walking?
⁃ Is there any way I can fill myself up? I’ve seen sprinkles mentioned???
⁃ What about shakes or other meal replacements? How do I begin to work out where to start with them?
⁃ Where’s a good place to investigate diets?
⁃ Has anyone ever had any sort of help to deal with fussy eating? I’m a lot better at trying things than I was as a child, but if I don’t like a flavour it makes me sick

I’m currently 91.1 kg. Only 5'4. The NHS app suggests 5% weight loss as an initial target, so for me that’s 4.5kg. I think that’s a good place to start.

Sorry this is so unbelievably long. I’d be grateful to anyone who takes the time to read it for ideas or suggestions. Hopefully I can work out what I can realistically do, and then I’ll join one of the group threads, but at the moment they are full of people saying ‘I’m doing this diet’ and I have no idea what they are talking about.

Hi OP, I recommend putting your baby in the pram and walking every day even if it's cold and raining. That's what I did after having ds. It was my exercise and my sanity as he'd sleep so I got a break from breastfeeding and time to just think. We'd go out for about an hour or so every day.
Magic water-drink plenty but don't push it if it makes you feel yuck like too much dies with me.
In June I got a fitbit and I wish I'd got one earlier. It's an amazing motivation. Last night I got out of bed to go up and down the stairs a few times to hit my target for flights of stairs Its great got lots of things and I use it in combination with my fitness pal. MFP depresses me as my calorie allowance is so quickly reached. I don't drink except occasionally over the year. My drink of choice is water.
Good luck!

Well done on making the first step - deciding to do something!

Put the MyFitnessPal app on your phone and track everything that you eat in a normal day, just to see. That really helps with the psychological side I find. You can see those calories adding up, and see where you fall down (e.g. 1 x chocolate digestive (my downfall) is 85 calories - and seriously, who can stick to only 1!).
It will also help you to see how many calories you actually need to reduce your weight, and then to maintain it.

Exercise is good for your health, but it's your diet that you need to change to lose the weight (I am not a medic, this is just my view).

For me I find that eating less beige food, and more lean meat, good fat, and veggies helps me to lose the pounds. You can still eat the biscuits, but at least you know what effect that has on the calorie count.

If you hate exercise, like I do, then find a You Tube video of 7 minute HIIT sessions or similar. Or follow Joe Wicks or Davina a few or a couple of times per week. Just do a few minutes per day as that should be sustainable. Just move around more - personally I wouldn't shell out money on anything.

Good luck! Slow and steady should be your aim

Definitely no shakes or meal replacements! Healthy eating and moderation are your friend for long term weight loss and maintenance. I do a loose 16:8 intermittent fasting thing that's more 15:9 so I don't eat after my evening meal at 5ish. Ive only started doing that again yesterday after falling off the wagon over Christmas I had good success with it over the summer and autumn. It's not for everyone though and it took me a while to adapt to not eating in the evening. I figured that years ago (like 100) people didn't eat outside of their 3 meals a day and were much slimmer. Drinks other than water and tea weren't a thing either particularly for women. There wasn't the snacking culture even going back as when I was a child and was unheard of for my mum who is 81. I'm trying to channel my inner olden days as far as my eating times habits go.

I'm like you about food and don't force myself to eat things I don't enjoy. I never eat salad.

I eat 1200 calories a day made up of whatever food I want. Usually sandwich and 2 packs of crisps for lunch and a cuppa soup

Then some sort of dinner I like, with amounts weighed out so I don't go over calories

Club bar and tea before bed

Have lost nearly 2 stone since October so it's working!

I also do 20 mins strength training 4-5 times a week- with some handheld weights I got on Amazon. I don't do any cardio as I loathe it, hate going on walks etc so this works well for me.

Oh yeah I also took orlistat for the first month which I think helped give me the boost I needed to keep at it

Thank you so much for the replies! I won't have a chance to go through in detail tonight but I'm going to sit down with a pen and paper tomorrow and look up everything you've said. Thank you

Hi OP, I hope you're feeling more positive towards making changes. It's so daunting isn't it and the lack of instant results always put me off. There was a comedy sketch I watched once where the woman ate something like muesli for breakfast or similar and wasn't slim by lunch time so said fuck it and ate a whole packet of biscuits. That's me It takes a lot of mental energy to stay on the straight and narrow of healthy eating. It's a shame it doesn't burn the same amount of physical energy!

@Overweight: what kind of foods do you tend to eat, and what kind of (healthy) foods do you enjoy? This would give you a start to look into different 'set' diets. I think reading a few meal plans would be helpful to get ideas of what diet/plan might suit you best.

Just dropping in to say thanks for the further messages. I didn't get past looking into calorie counting apps today. I do think I need one because I really have no idea and I think (hope!) it will appeal to my geeky side. My Fitness Pal certainly seems to be the go-to choice.

In terms of food, obviously I haven't made any plans yet nor done any shopping, so meals have been what I already had, however I didn't have any toast after my cereal this morning, I've 'only' had 14 giant chocolate buttons for sweet stuff, in three separate goes, and I gave myself a smaller portion of dinner than DH.

But I am HUNGRY. Been hungry all day. Ate some carrots rather than anything else this afternoon which I felt proud of. Even after my main meal this evening, which was chicken pasta, although I had less than DH it wasn't exactly a small portion and now barely two hours later I'm hungry. This doesn't normally happen. Is it because it's all I'm thinking of? Eating or not eating?

Anyway, I'll work my way through the replies and ideas hopefully tomorrow. Thanks again!

If you are hungry, think about whether carby food tends to set you off (ie reflect on how you feel after meals). In that case, reducing sugar & white flour might help you feel less hungry

You could also start logging your food on MFP to work out a baseline

If you are a geek, get a step counting watch to encourage you to be more active: it works for me :)

There have been studies that show those who diet are fixated on food. I'd have to find the info on that though it's tests since I read it. Probably an evolutionary thing.
One of the things I did was weigh things so I knew exactly what a portion looked like. My favourite chips are the Waitrose crisp and fluffy frozen ones. They are big chunky ones that taste amazing. A portion is 125g. That's 6 chips. 6!! I'd happily eat 2.5 portions easily but I restrict myself to the portion. The same with muesli. I think society in general has no clue as to what a portion is. I certainly didn't until I looked at the nutritional information and started weighing stuff. It's miserable but I actually enjoy the weighing, the logging of calories and exercise and seeing the fitbit steps accumulate. I've walked well over 1000 miles since June. Climbed something like 4000 flights of stairs. Fitbits give you badges and trophies to spur you on. I've attached my Fitbit stats for today in case you haven't seen the app before. I didn't realise a fitbit calculated so much and I can't recommend one enough for motivation. It tracks my sleep too and my fitness pal and the fitbit app sync which is great. Going back to the calories, it's amazing how quickly they add up. Depressing mainly! Today I've eaten:

Breakfast: Muesli and yogurt
Lunch: Toasted buttered muffin
Quarter of an apple (that ds didn't want)
Snack: 2 Jaffa cakes
Snack:Portion of dried mango
Dinner: Nut burger on a bun with mozzarella cheese and a portion of the aforementioned chips

3 cups of tea (skimmed milk, no sugar)
A litre of water or thereabouts. Might be more.

That's 1417 calories. I try to aim for 1250 but I find it really difficult so I'm allowing myself 1500 to ease myself back into things after going off piste over Christmas. I don't eat now after my dinner which we eat between 5 and 5.30pm. I'm really hungry this evening but I've learnt to ignore it. I find I'm not extra hungry in the morning even though I've gone to bed hungry so I figure I don't need to eat in the evening. That's what works for me and you will find what works for you. Sone people do low carb but I just can't. Being veggie doesn't go well with low carb and I don't recommend cutting out food groups. Balance is key for long terms results. It's bloody hard though. If you fancy joining a friendly thread then the Frolicking into February thread is a good one. No daft diets, very supportive and no judgement. There's not many of us on it and you'd be very welcome. Best of luck to you in achieving your goal

I can't sleep because I'm so hungry! I won't crack. Not today, anyway, but it's so tempting to go downstairs and get a bowl of weetabix! Yikes this self discipline isn't easy. Tomorrow will be a disaster if don't go to sleep soon because DD will be awake from 3am - 4am.

Just in case anyone still wades through this, huge thanks for the info. I’ve been through the detail and made lots of notes. I’m sure a lot of this is buried in other threads so I’m grateful to you all for taking the time to post here.

@FlatteredRhubardFool I’ve never heard of Magic Water, I’ll give it a go!

Interesting to see how the Fitbit links to the MFP app. I really like that info it gives on the screen shot. Thank you for sharing that. Do you know if fit bits work if you have your hands on a pram?

Also OMG. Six chips. But good to know. How did you know what portion size you were aiming for before you weighed them?

I can understand why shakes are not good for the long term, but are they so bad for initial loss?

@AlwaysaLittleBitTired I know diet will be key. And you are right about the chocolate digestives 😞

@truetuesdays 2 stone since October is amazing! I had to look up what Orlistat is. It sounds good, albeit needs to be done carefully and some of the possible side effects (fecal incontinence!) don’t appeal. I’ll look into it a bit more. Do you follow a specific strength programme?

I don’t mind cv exercise when I have a chance, but even a short burst of HIIT feels one step too much at the mo. DD has me up for hours every night and doesn’t nap so if I ever get a break, it’s a trade off between having a shower or a sit down. It’s an excuse, but it’s really putting me off doing anything sweaty because I don’t know when I’d get a wash!! I will get there in time though, she must sleep at some point...

@10kaDay honestly, I can’t think of anything healthy I like apart from carrots ☹️ But I think I can hopefully make progress by massively reducing snacks and chocolate, plus watching portion sizes even if I don't manage to like more food. Fingers crossed there is scope for it to make a difference.

@Overweight I use an app called Aaptiv and they have hundreds of strength workouts on there. I try to do about 20 mins a day but don't always manage it as life gets in the way,

I don't do anything which involves jumping around or getting super out of breath as I can't stand it. Tend to stick to the same few "trainers" who do straightforward strength routines.

I would highly recommend it! It's also nice looking back at the end of the week and seeing how much you did and how many calories burned etc.

Also the not being able to sleep because of hunger does get better. I used to get splitting headaches at night time as well but now my body is used to it I guess.

Your body is tuned to try and ensure you maintain the weight you are, so when you are not eating enough to do that you will feel hungry. Basically you need to feel hungry to be losing weight- but it does get better over time.

My advice would be small changes over a period of time. Make one change a week perhaps, then another next week. Tracking calories is useful. If you are hungry lots eat more protein. Protein is great for fat loss because it fills you up and stops your body utilising muscle when in a calorie deficit. I have learnt loads online from Jordan Syatt on Instagram and YouTube.
The key is your nutrition rather than exercise. Use exercise to feel better get fit etc but it's mostly nutrition to aid weight loss. Also, strength training is great for weight loss because building lean muscle burns more calories naturally. Difficult during lockdown but something to explore long term.

@truetuesdays Thanks for the info on the workouts. That's a good point that you need to feel hungry to lose weight.

@Binjob118 and a good point about protein. I did know that about muscle - it's basically how I've exercised to weight loss in the past - but I'm not great knowing much about protein beyond 'meat'. I'll add that to the list of things to look into.

Today has been ok. I managed a 10,000 step walk and have kept myself busy getting MFP set up. I'm not going to go cold turkey vs. my usual bad habits because at some point I'd get despondent. This allows a tiny amount of treats. I've had 8 Haribo Gold Bears and 4 Giant Chocolate Buttons. DH found it hilarious that I was weighing four buttons!

Total intake today 1971 calories vs. target 1400. First day of my life I've ever tracked it. It really is insightful - already some ways I could shave a few off, smaller portion of pasta with dinner, less OJ at breakfast and a different lunch. That was a disaster! Chicken goujons I already had in the fridge. Thought they'd be ok because mostly chicken but turns out they're not!!

Magic water is just regular water but has been dubbed magic due to helping with weight loss and general health on the thread I mentioned. I wish it was actually magic! My Fitbit works to calculate strips just fine when pushing a buggy. I didn't think it would but it does. My iPhone didn't though. I scan barcodes for mfp but do check the labels anyway just to make sure. I was trying to calculate my homemade pizza today and couldn't be bothered. I'll do it tomorrow properly but just used whatever was closest on the app. I need to batch make pizza dough this weekend so it's a good time to get calculating.

Have you considered a low carb diet?

I follow one called the Harcombe Diet but there's a low carb group on MN.

No calorie counting. Eat if you're hungry. I lost 5 stone in a year without exercising.