What to do when very overweight, zero will power and very unhappy?!

[chalkyc2]

I feel like I need to be shocked into action - nothing seems to spur me on. And yet I am probably classed as morbidly obese and seem not to be able to do anything about it.

Does anyone have any advice on how to approach this...I feel like I'm way beyond the usual eat less move more. I need to lose around 8 stone (gives you an indication of the scale of the problem - an entire extra person!). I struggle with exercise as over the last 7 years have developed chronic Achilles and plantar fasciitis type pain. And despite lockdown am time short and work busy - along with home schooling supervision.

I've just been looking at the surgery thread. I think I need to give regular loss another try though. What are peoples thoughts on the fast 800 blood sugar programmes? Another gimmick? I don't really understand why I can't deal with my weight - I'm so embarrassed - I don't have any mental health issues and am an educated professional person and actually used to be very sporty and fit.

Please if anyone could direct me as I feel really lost! Half the time I think oh what is the point but really after gaining an extra 15kg since last March this can't go on....

@chalkyc2 I know the feeling very well, I'm 37 and have been obese most of my life, first weight I remember was when I was 11stone at 11 years old and mum signed us both up for weight watchers, that didn't work and I ended up with weight increasing inline with my age to a high of 21 stone in my early 20s.

Over the years I've lost bits and bobs of weight and then maintained for a while.

I decided in summer last year that enough is enough and I need to sort it out. I was 16stone 9 on 1st August 2020, 12st 11lb this morning and only 1st 1lb away from being a healthy BMI.

I track all my food and drink in MyFitnessPal, stick to my calorie limit (currently 1440 a day), aim for 30 minutes of walking or an exercise video 3 times a week and weigh myself daily.

Gone from a size 22/24 to a loose 16 and finally able to buy bras from supermarkets now I don't need a 46/48 inch band size.

The first 2 weeks sucked, really craved sugar and carbs, felt hungry all the time, then about half way through the 2nd week it just stopped, I no longer had a rumbling stomach and watery mouth, I felt full after eating a decent healthy meal and I had more energy. If you can power through that crappy period then it gets so so much easier. I do have the odd day where I fancy a takeaway and go over my calorie limit but it's occasional not every day so it evens out and the weight keeps coming off.

Decide you can do it and just go for it, start by calculating your TDEE (google a calculator) or sign up to MFP, figure out how many calories you should be eating and stick to that, don't feel you need to undereat just stick to the number. Mine was 1690 when I started and it's easy to have 3 good meals and a couple of snacks on that. Aim for loads of green veg and mushrooms as they're low calorie and really bulk out a meal so you don't feel hungry.

As you can see from my spreadsheet, some weeks you lose, some you gain and some you stay the same. You have to be in it for the long haul.

I like your excel table!
Great job on the loss too!

I'm just over half way through a 6 stone weight loss plan - I've been there done that with just about every diet plan /WOE possible, but for me, the only thing that works to get the weight off is 1. total meal replacement (not for everyone, and not a long term thing) and 2. getting my head in the right place.

I started losing weight in October 2019 when I suddenly thought that I didn't want to be fat any more. I cut my calorie intake to 1200 a day, and got back on the exercise bike (300 calories = 1 hour = excuse to watch rubbish telly ). Then as that started making a difference, I started looking at what else was going on in my life, and what could I change. That was followed by a massive life upheaval (by choice), and finally I was in the right physical and mental space to start a VLCD.

Like a PP, I planned in "blips" (my 50th birthday, Christmas), and am now at the point where I need to start looking at food again, and my issues with it, and plan out what I need to do to not get fat again.

But, I've only been able to get to this point by being in the right headspace. I got myself fat by my actions, I needed to recognise that, and realise that only I could do anything about it, the motivation had to come from me.

Currently I'm still overweight (but no longer obese), but I've just got back from a 2 hour walk with DD, not being hot and red and sweaty, I can climb the stairs to my flat without getting out of breath (couldn't do that when I moved here last summer ) and I'm planning an hour on my new rowing machine in a bit. My fibromyalgia is loads better (I don't now need to ask the GP to increase my painkillers), my arthritic joints are much less painful, I'm sleeping better, and I was told last weekend that I was glowing.

All that gives me enough impetus to carry on and get the rest of the excess weight off, but it all started with "my reason for not being like this any more is better than my reason for staying like this".

There are loads of support threads here which keep me going (I was a massive lurker, but finally plucked up the courage to jump in), there's always someone who's struggling, and someone who's too scared to get started, and someone who's doing amazingly well, and someone who's getting there slowly one step at a time, and that's so motivational I find.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

I like your excel table! Great job on the loss too!

I love a good spreadsheet so couldn't pass up the opportunity to create a custom one 😂

HalfShrunk - I love your spreadsheet, it's far more impressive than mine .

I don't need to lose weight but have stomach issues and I loved (love) eating rubbish. My trick was always in the morning to start the day with a glass of water and an apple and weirdly it was like I'd switched a switch on for what I could eat that day, I always ate even a bit healthier as opposed to when I went for cereal first. After that I'd say an egg instead of cereal/cut the amt of cereal you eat in half (only if you're a cerealaholic). For treats freeze yoghurts and grapes/cut up fruit. After days/a week or two of this you dont crave crisps and chocolate so much. I was also hooked on fizzy drinks. These were more difficult but I just made myself drink water/juice or tea any time I had a craving or I'd limit myself to a glass a day. Oh and I cut my bread intake in half. But baby steps OP, tiny things you can do make a huge difference.

As for exercise I have arthritis and was told use it or lose it (my knees). I'd say talk to your gp if simple things like walking isn't an option. Best of luck OP!

Blank spreadsheet is here on google drive if anyone wants to download and use it

drive.google.com/file/d/1mjaVTijjOxYjXruqLq14A113BVyhDBph/view?usp=sharing

I also thought I had no will power and now I know that actually it was my blood sugar levels going up and down. Once you stabilize them your desire for food decreases and you don’t think about it between meals - it’s like a great weight has been lifted off me.
I won’t like the first week or so was difficult but once your body gets used to a new way it eating it’s much easier. Look for They Human Being Diet. It’s a book by Petronella Ravenshear. she has an Instagram account. And does a live every Tuesday.
Also another option is a program called Metabolic Balance - neither of them are diets. They are low carb but your body gets used to using protein not carbs and it’s changed my life.

@HalfShrunkMoreToGo 😂 excel is the work of a debil. A genious devil.

I am sure your table will be great for many! So lovely of you to offer it!

Devil, not debil🤦

Start eating more good fat, including full fat dairy, and fibre, and fermented foods. Focus on adding good things to your body, improving your microbiome and your weight will follow.

I have a good 5 stone to lose - I'm 48 but in menopause, so in the last couple of years I've found weight loss incredibly hard. Everything that used to work, like calorie counting, SW and weight watchers, was tortuous - I was restricting hard but losing very little.

I had a bash at the Exante diet, shakes and bars with a 200 calorie dinner, lost a stone but I soon got bored and it's no way to live is it. I also tried doing 16:8 intermittent fasting, which was bearable but DH complained about my terrible breath - plus I found I struggled to think straight for work whilst fasting.

I lost a stone when I had Covid in November, but I've already put that back on and more. I don't eat huge portions of real food, that isn't what's making me fat - it's that am so horribly hooked on sugar, I'd be ashamed to admit what I can mindlessly get through (and how I hide the evidence) in a day whilst working.

I truly believe food is my drug of choice - its what I reach for in times of boredom, loneliness, sadness, frustration and joy. I don't know how to fix that.

You have to form habits, healthy habits. Small steps. So for me, I’ve done the following.

Replaced my chocolate habit with an ice lolly.. still not ideal but better calorie wise than chocolate.

I got into the habit of walking the school run each day instead of driving. I’ve developed this and found that after dropping DC off, I really enjoy the walk home by using my AirPods and listening to music. Recently I’ve made one of the walks into a run, so at pick-up, I run to school.

I think about everything I put into my body and will load my plate with vegetables at every meal.

I also watch inspirational videos and have a photo of me at my target weight on the wallpaper on my phone.

Good luck.

You have to get in the zone to get started so you could try thinking of lots of small changes you could make to enhance your life that are not necessarily weight related. That might be trying new things, like a new hobby or spotting things that enhance your life and ideally photographing them, so might be a sunny day, greenery, animals, kids.

One day you just need to take the plunge and get started, know you are strong and can take hard, being overweight is hard, so you might as well do another hard thing and get started.

It takes something like 21 days to change a habit, so actually it is only 21 days of hard and after that it is easier.

You could pick any bad habit you have that affects weight and just get rid of that for that three weeks, then keep that and take out another one for the next three weeks. Examples are:

1. Remove bad sleeping habits, so go to bed early enough, cut out caffeine after lunch time and make sure your bedroom is dark enough and comfortable. Have a good bed time routine.

1. Don't eat between meals unless it is fruit or veg or a mug of soup (if this is especially hard make it just between breakfast and lunch or just after your evening meal, then later expand it to all meals). Eventually you get to a point where you don't eat between meals at all.

1. Switch all drinks to low calorie so water or tea or plain coffee no lattes or the like and no sweet drinks.

1. When you food shop don't buy rubbish snacks. If you have a habit of picking up snacks elsewhere, have a rule that you won't do that. If that is hard, take no money to places you will be tempted or if you need some money, take exactly enough. Try to add the money you save in to a savings account.

1. When it is hard distract yourself by doing something else like a puzzle or read or walk or clean or phone someone or make a list.

1. Add in exercise so find a time every day when you are going to exercise. Anything that involves movement counts, so walk or dance or do some strength exercises.

1. Spend additional time on other elements of self care, so take a longer bath, switch up your care products, spend time on your appearance or even just make more effort with what you wear.

1. If your family or friends offer you snacks, just say thanks but you are good without. Eventually that becomes a habit too.

Thanks again for all the comments and ideas. I'm going to carefully go through them. Yesterday was a good day - a 4k walk and reasonable food!

I'm also older like some who have commented - 48 this year and my god I feel it! And sadly not tall - so that 8 stone excess really is another person. 8 years ago I lost a lot of weight but it went back on so quickly. Exercise (running) was key for me then but running is v uncomfortable atm.

I'm still interested in the fast 800 maybe as a bit of a reset. Need to do some more research!

@HalfShrunkMoreToGo thanks for the link, I think I will use your spreadsheet. I had similar years ago but it's inspired to add the weight at which you fit into certain jeans sizes. In all honesty I wouldn't mind being 17 stone if I fit into size 14 jeans!

I am 3 weeks into a better routine & lost 9lb so far .

Help please though- I am not sure about how many calories I should be allowing per day. MFP has me at 1300 calories but others have me at 1700. I can do 1300ish most days but I'd like to follow what's optimal for me. Is it 1000 less a day than your TDEE or something else?

I'm in total awe of the big losers, you're what I want to be a few months down the line. If I looked at how much I need to lose to get to ideal weight now, I would cry but aiming for another stone off as my first big goal & then will take it from there. The incremental milestones are big motivators for me

I’m finding motivation really hard now too. Lost weight last year but it’s creeping back up now, this lockdown has made it much harder to feel motivated compared to the first one where I really got into exercise at home etc

If you are adding only tiny bit a week look at it objectively.
Let's say you are putting on 200g a week? That equals to 10kg a year. It sounds horrible and hard to stop, but!
200g can (if you do calories) translate into 1400 cal approx. That's 200 cal a day. You are overeating something like 160g of greek style yogurt a day. That's it. It's very little which in the end makes a lot. So by just getting few less spoonfuls of dinner you can stop it.
I didn't and that's how I got to severely obese Yet it is actually really small thing which needed changing. I frustrate myself often with these revelations 😂

@buckeejit to lose 1lb a week you need to aim for 500 calories a day under your maintenance TDEE.

Just put your details into the calculator tdeecalculator.net/ and take 500 off the main number.

@buckeejit if you have issues sticking with 1300, don't. Up it. It is much better to be able to stick to it, but lose tiny bit less than give up because it was too restrictive.
1000 cal less than tdee gives you about kilo loss, but it can really be too much deficit to keep.

Oh x posted

Thanks so much. I'm mostly coping ok but do like a weekend treat and in a few weeks am likely to struggle more, especially when allowed alcohol again, (just checked & we've 'saved' over £250 by doing dry Jan compared to previous daily drinking!).

Will aim for a daily intake of 1300 & allow an extra amount for weekends.

You;re not beyond hope OP. I'm the same, need to lose around 8 stone but this time last year I needed to lose around 12. So it can be done. For me the key is sleep. I have a sleep disorder, diagnosed last year hence the weight loss following treatment. But I still struggle if I have a bad night. So make sure you're getting enough sleep otherwise you're fighting against yourself.

@buckeejit

Thanks so much. I'm mostly coping ok but do like a weekend treat and in a few weeks am likely to struggle more, especially when allowed alcohol again, (just checked & we've 'saved' over £250 by doing dry Jan compared to previous daily drinking!).

Will aim for a daily intake of 1300 & allow an extra amount for weekends.

I do similar. Keep cals bit lower during the week to credit for a day off. The normality helps to keep it up😁

I think the no S diet doesn't really involve a lot of willpower and would be good for someone with a very large amount to lose because clearly you need to change your eating habits forever. So best not to think of it as something that you need willpower for and that you need to grit your teeth and get on with for a set period of time, but more like changing your way of eating forever from now on. No S is actually just the way sensible people eat, the way we all used to eat in the 60s and 70s.

Also, maybe aim to lose 8 stone over 2 or 3 years? Once you've got the first 4 off you'll already feel so much better, if you can do that in a year without really depriving yourself too much I am sure you'll be able to keep going.