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Weight loss chat

A space to talk openly about weight loss journeys and challenges. Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. You may wish to speak to a medical professional before starting any diet.

Frustrated with DH. What ( if anything) can I do?

6 replies

Cameleongirl · 20/12/2020 19:29

I’m posting on this section because I’d appreciate some advice, although I’m prepared to be flamed as well. The summary is that I’m so frustrated (almost angry) with my DH about his weight gain and genuinely worried about his long term health.

I try to get him to see the doctor once a year for a general checkup (we’re in the US where an annual checkup is common). He isn’t keen and skipped last year,. Back in 2018, he was told then that he needed to lose about two stone, his blood pressure was increasing and now was the time to make some changes.

Then he went again last week and he’s gained nearly another stone.☹️ I know it’s been a shitty year, but he just won’t take it seriously. He hasn’t had the blood work done yet but I’m afraid of what it will reveal, as I suspect he’s now pre-diabetic (there’ve been various signs).

What the heck am I supposed to do? I’ve tried to be supportive and do things together like daily walks and cycling together, but he needs to make some serious changes, like not drinking bloody beer and cider several times a week. He doesn’t drink to excess, but it’s like he refuses to acknowledge that beer is packed with calories.

He’s not depressed, we’ve been able to WFH so our finances are OK. Family life is fine, we’re OK as a couple, although our sex live has taken a nose dive because he puffs like a steam engine unless I do all the work.☹️

He has so many plans for the future and I’m both scared and somewhat angry that they won’t happen, because he’s buggering up his health.

Sorry this is a rant, I just have to tell someone and I don’t feel comfortable sharing my concerns with people IRL. I don’t want to hurt or massively criticise him, I just want him to make changes before something bad happens. I’m also aware that he wouldn’t be happy if I gained a lot of weight, but it seems I just have to tolerate it.

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 20/12/2020 22:20

I would tell him straight out that sex isn’t as good for you as it once was and you feel he’s going to have a heart attack or something so it makes you tense. Then who buys the beer you or him? Could you just not have any in the house?

PlanDeRaccordement · 20/12/2020 22:27

A few drinks a week aren’t going to make you obese. So I would not start targeting “sinful” foods/drinks.
Your DH is obviously not listening to you. But perhaps he would listen to his doctor who will tell him he is obese/needs to lose weight, so it’s good you’ve gotten him to the doctor.
You say you’ve gotten exercise in his life good. Keep that up.
Avoid eating out as most fast food and restaurant food is ridiculously made with extra fat, salt, sugar and the same meal made at home would be half the calories.
Take over cooking if you’re not already. Look at your diet what you eat every day. Start cutting portion sizes. Cook from scratch and switch basic preparations- ie bake chicken breasts instead of frying in a pan.

Cameleongirl · 20/12/2020 22:36

He buys his own beer and if he had a couple a week combined with a proper diet/exercise plan, it would probably be fine.

I’ve made a joke about me doing all the work nowadays and I know he’d like more sex. I can’t understand why he doesn’t see the connection between getting fitter and better sex, I certainly perform better when I’m exercising regularly. 😍. Anything weight-related upsets him though and he says I don’t like ( as in fancy) him anymore. I suppose he needs a lightbulb moment.

OP posts:
TheStirrer · 20/12/2020 22:36

In all honesty he has to decide to lose weight - I don’t think you can make him. I have been fat for my whole life and it is only since I had a health scare that I have done anything about it. I was always aware of being very overweight and unfit and I don’t think I would have reacted well had my husband pointed it out to me....

Cameleongirl · 20/12/2020 22:41

@TheStirrer. That’s exactly why I’m upset about it. I know that anything I say will make him miserable and I totally understand that- I wouldn’t like my partner commenting on my weight either.

But he’s nearly 50 and I think he’s heading towards health problems. I don’t want to lose him so he has to “see the light” soon.

OP posts:
ImnotCarolineHirons · 20/12/2020 23:14

Don't make it a joke. Tell him straight. You don't want to have sex where he can't keep up the pace. That it's not attractive. That'll hit home a lot more than any pleading about his future health or about the beer.
I lost 2 stone after my DH said he found my (weight related) snoring off putting. Not very kind, not very PC, but it bloody worked.

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