Feeder Mother?

[tt3t]

I've been trying to lose weight for about a year now, but my mother doesn't seem to want me to, even saying I shouldn't lose weight because I'll get saggy skin 😔. I'm 24 and still live with my mother as she is my carer. She gives me huge portions and gets upset when I don't finish them. When I make my own meals, she comes and takes over saying I'm not that fat (my BMI is 32 so I would be classed as obese) yet she makes nasty comments about my body. I've tried talking to her but she doesn't seem to listen.

My main problem with losing weight is that I have no self control, so it doesn't help that as soon as she notices that I'm on a diet she brings loads of sweets and chocolate home.

Sounds like a horrible situation. No real advice to give but maybe you need to speak to someone in real life about this. It sounds like a really dysfunctional relationship when it comes to food.

In terms of weight loss,why not try to make small changes. Such as only eat 2/3s of the portions he gives you. Limit yourself to one treat a day.

Do you have anyone to talk to? A social worker maybe? I would honestly class this as an abuse.

As pp said, small changes can count so smaller portions. What will she do if you don't finish your food?

I would also class this as abuse. It sounds horrible. I echo the advice to try to speak to a social worker. You might be entitled to resources that would enable you to live on your own with assistance because it sounds like this is a really unhealthy environment for you. Also, you most likely won’t get saggy skin because BMI 32 isn’t that huge and you’re young. I’m 13 years older than you and lost 3 stone, going from BMI 32 to BMI 25 and I have zero loose skin.

Do you have an adult social worker?

Thanks, I don't have a social worker. I was meant to be getting a support worker but due to the virus, it's had to be postponed.

It’s easier said than done but you have to put yourself first. Your mum is unreasonable by getting upset if you don’t finish your meals. No person should be able to force another person to put something in their body that they don’t want to. You need to be calm and say ‘this is all I am having’. If she gets upset, that’s her issue, not yours. If she makes comments on your body, try to just count to five and then say ‘okay, that’s your opinion’ and don’t get drawn into discussion. If she persists, say ‘I am not going to talk about it’ and try to leave the room if possible. This is all her issues, not you.

Do try to see if you could have an online chat with a support worker even if you can’t see them face to face. It’s heartbreaking that you’re trapped in this situation and you deserve better. Also the weight loss boards are great for support (especially the lose 3kg a month ones- there’s a new thread every month). The ladies on there are lovely and so supportive so if you want to have a rant about your situation, come on there.

My DM used to be exactly the same, she was abusive in other ways too. She loved it when I was obese because it made her feel better about herself. She would compare our measurements and say "see, you are 10 inches wider." Etc.

If she noticed I was losing weight she would bring home muffins and cakes and encourage me to eat them. Yet she would also call me a fat cow and be generally unkind.

I only lost the weight when I moved out - I really took to health & wellness despite her. I'm glad of the experience because it motivated me to lose the weight and keep it off!

She hates it now I'm a few sizes smaller than her and very fit. We are still in contact and our relationship is okay but I'll never forget it.

I take great pleasure now baking delicious cakes and dropping them off for her....I don't think she realises my cakes are part of the reason she has put on a bit of weight...

I'm sorry to say this OP, but as someone who has experienced this, it's a form of control.

You need to make that decision whether you will allow her to carry on controlling you in this way.