Being in the right mindset

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I am struggling with my weight. I have recently given up alcohol, but have replaced it with enormous amounts of toast, cake and biscuits. I am trying to lose the same stone time and time again. I have every diet book going. My problem being that, although I see not drinking alcohol as liberating (and I don't feel that I'm denying myself anything by giving it up, quite the opposite), I can't get my head around junk food the same way.

I had quite a dysfunctional upbringing and learned to see food as a reward. So as an adult, I indulged in bad sugar and bad carbs to compensate for being denied so much (emotionally) growing up.

I don't know how to flip the switch and have a normal relationship with food. It doesn't help that I have an aversion to doing sport and exercise (I was that person in school who didn't have any PE kit and had to run around in vest and pants).

I guess writing it down is cathartic, but how do I unlearn my need to eat crap? Just saying eat fewer carbs, cut out snacks, etc is not the answer. I know what to do, but it's not working. After one or two days I give in and eat rubbish again, because I'm not dealing with my food issues.

I know I need to work on my self esteem, but am finding it really difficult to make good food choices. I'd welcome any suggestions on books or links to sites that might be helpful. Thanks.

I’m afraid I haven’t got any great advice, but just wanted to reply that I absolutely empathise with seeing junk food as compensation for other forms of comfort that we never learned, or were never taught, how to give ourselves.

I suppose it’s about trying to take a longer term view, so that we can see eating healthily as being kind to ourselves, while also trying to find alternative short-term rewards/comfort. I’m trying to save up the money I’d usually spend on chocolate or other junk to spend on books or make-up instead, but it is still hard when you want that instant fix. So any suggestions for dealing with the urge in the moment would be welcome.

Thank you @BabCNesbitt . I do think that the low self esteem / not being deserving of self care is key.

I have downloaded a mindful eating app today, and I'll report back once I've tried it out. I'm hoping for good results.

And it's a great suggestion, to think of non-food treats as a reward, good call. I have ordered a couple of books I've been wanting to read, hope a good book will take my mind off the biscuit tin.

Can you try low carb? It’s hard for the first few days but the cravings for sugar goes completely when you cut it out.

Well done on giving up alcohol!
Have a look at Slimpod. I recently joined and it has transformed my eating habits. It doesn't involve following any particular diet, you get a 3 month course of videos on positive thinking and healthy eating tips and a self hypnosis track to listen to every day. I can't tell you how much weight I've lost as I haven't weighed myself since joining but my clothes fit much better and I feel so much more relaxed around food.

I’m not sure this is physiological because it’s sugar and carbs and you’re craving them, so likely to do with your insulin. I think sometimes we make it more complex than it really is. Saying it’s about your self esteem makes it way more complex to fix.

When I’m not low carbing I can put away a surprising amount of carbs, and it doesn’t seem to fill me easily either.

I tend to do low carbing as a lifestyle choice as it works for me, because when I don’t do it, I can eat startling amounts of chocolate. Like you’re about to be in awe level of amounts. 😂

I kinda fell of the wagon during the last lock down and gained some weight, and am currently back on it and exercising again.

As said, for the first few days it’s been hard, but I’m just starting week threee and I’ve no desire to eat any of the chocolate or biscuits in the cupboard and bought a load in for my husband. However to start I needed to remove what was in the house (eat them) or I’d sit there thinking about it. Now that urge is gone.

If someone said my urge to eat sugary carby shit was physiological they’d be wrong, it’s something going on in my body, because if I remove sugar from my diet, then a few days after I’ve depleted my carb stores and hit cravings are totally gone.

Thank you for the suggestion @Difford, I'll look into that.

I see your point @Bluntness100 and lots of people here do rave about low carbing. Maybe I am overthinking, but I am prepared to give it another go. How sustainable is it long term, does it get easier? (ie could I have a slice of birthday cake or a mince pie occasionally, without undoing all the good work?)

You pretty much need to be well into it, ie at least three weeks down the line before you start falling off the wagon.

Yes you can cheat occasionally , if you look at the boot camp threads folks do all the time. It will throw you out of keto, but it’s just for a small amount of time, as it’s not much carbs, so get back on it after and you’ll start loosing weight again.

I genuinely feel happier on it, as it maintains my weight and gives me more energy, when I fill my face with crap I feel sluggish and lack energy,

I can maintain it for endless periods, it is like second nature, and can easily eat carbs when out and go straight back on it.

However I fell off the wagon during last lock down, and am back on it now. I can see the bloating from my tummy has gone and my face has slimmed down and it’s been two weeks.

I’m five eight, generally a size ten to twelve, and usually am in the gym five days a week (have a home one). On low carb I loose my appetite so eat my fill and walk away. When I eat carbs I can eat all day.

I do get keto products though, so I get the keto keto coconut and cashew biscuits, to go with my morning coffee, and I eat the cheesies, so if I fancy crisps have them instead, both sold on Amazon.

Have a look at the boot camp thread . You can join now, biwi has one going now.

Here’s the link, you can just join, you don’t need to add your weight if you don’t want to

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/low_carb_bootcamp/4067493-Week-4-Pre-Christmas-Low-Carb-Bootcamp-time-to-focus?pg=5

Thanks @Bluntness100, off to check out the link.