Toxic Sibling

[LonelyMumofOne]

Hello ,

I'm new to this , so I'm sorry if this is in the wrong thread etc.

My brother and I have been estranged since February 2020. For most of my life since our parents divorce , he has always treated me harshly and would only ever treat me nicely when he was in the mood. All I ever wanted was to be his friend.

To cut and incredible intricate and long winded story short, my brother has made it clear to my Mum and Dad that he will no longer speak to me purely on the basis that I am overweight.

He thinks he has done everything to try and help me (never asked for his opinion , never asked for help). He is extremely verbally abusive towards me whenever this topic arises. He is not slim himself , nor looks like a model. He says things like ''You're a useless woman'' , ''You would have thought she would lose weight now she's got a kid'' , '' You would have thought she would lost weight for the wedding'' etc.

Most of these things I hear from my Mum . My brother lives in Australia and I live in the UK. He only ever focuses on my weight , he doesn't want to talk about anything else if he's not in the mood to talk. Or it always comes back to talking about food .

I can't really put in to words how upset I am with all of this, and I was wondering has anyone else been cut off from a family member , purely based on your size?

Thank you

Your brother sounds horrible.

He clearly has some issues. It feels a b kit misogynist as well, there are some corners of the internet where men band together to discuss women in these hateful terms.

This is his problem, not yours. Although I know it must hurt :(

Sorry, bit not b kit!

Go no contact. Should be easy with him in Oz.
Never contact him, block him on anything you can and ignore him if he attempts to contact you.
Tell your mum you don't wish to hear anything about him or what he's said or done
Life is too short to give this unpleasant person any more of yourself time and energy.

That sounds awful! Your brother sounds like a bully and why on earth is your mum passing his insults on?

As difficult as it might be, I'd forget about having any sort of relationship with him. You deserve to be surrounded by people who love you for you (and honestly, your size is nobody's business but your own and it certainly doesn't effect your worth as a person!).

I'd be telling your mum to stop passing messages on too, she is facilitating him bullying you and it's not on.

Hang on, surely it’s your mum who’s at least to blame here? She doesn’t have to tell you what your brother is spouting...

@LoeliaPonsonby

Hang on, surely it’s your mum who’s at least to blame here? She doesn’t have to tell you what your brother is spouting...

I agree, your mother should not be discussing this with you. It was a conversation she had with your brother, however, he sounds a right Dick and he's making you feel bad so he feels better.

If it hadn’t been your size, he would have chosen something else to hurt your feelings.

This really isn’t about you being overweight or not. This is about him being hurtful.

Thank you everyone for giving me your insight on the situation and what it’s like from an outsider point of view .

I think it doesn’t help that I ask “Oh have you heard from brother lately?”. Just on the off chance he asks about how I am .

You’re right , my Mum and Dad should not relay the sorts of things he says about me . And I will ask them to stop.

I would never treat anyone or disown anyone for the way they look , let alone a family member .

Thank you so much again kind strangers :)

He is abusive and I'm betting that your Mum and Dad aren't so great either since they have done nothing to support you.

Send him a photoshopped pic of you land say, "hey, I'm slim, shame you'll always be a nasty bastard".

He has done you a huge favour by going no contact. It is probably the only good thing has ever done and will ever do.