My DS1 is 4 months old - both at the height of lockdown. We moved back to the UK after 7 years abroad when I was on the pregnant and now live with my parents, one of whom is vulnerable. We haven’t really been out a great deal since he was born and I feel like I have lost my identity, friends, life, body, self. Found BFing very very hard at the start, still not my favourite thing. During the start of his life I was using chocolate effectively as a pain medication, and as a result I have put on even more weight following pregnancy.
I love DS and he gives me a great deal of joy, but other than this very specific baby joy, there is no other excitement/joy in my life. He takes very short naps that are extremely hard won, leaving me with little time to exercise. I am seeing a PT who wants me to do “rehab” exercises before we do anything that burns calories.
The only other thing that brings me any pleasure is food. I eat a healthy base diet but far too much of it and supplement it with far too many treats. But the idea of being hungry as well as this stressed and tired scares me.
Almost every day I say to myself “no more” - but after fighting for naps, rushing to do other things and collapsing in a heap I’m always reaching for junk at 4pm and again after supper to replace the “life” I used to have.
Pre pregnancy I was very active and a size 10, now I am still wearing my pregnancy clothes and I feel like crap. Zero sex drive etc. I think there is some possibility of PND too and I am seeking help for this.
Has anyone experienced anything similar? How did you give yourself a kick up the arse? I appreciate that having had your first baby during lock down whilst living with your parents in your thirties is a fairly niche experience but would be grateful for any words of wisdom!