My BMI is nearly 40

[Arrarker]

I was a fat child, fat teenager, fat adult.
I was going to be thin by 40, then 50. Those ships have sailed.
I've eaten myself to illness. My hip hurts, my knees can't do stairs. My blood pressure is high.
I have tried slimming groups, pills, meal replacements and hypnotherapy.
I hold down a professional, serious job. You would never know my daily mental struggles with food.
I had kids in the park call me names etc. I seem to be immune to feeling the self consciousness of obesity. I don't stress over it emotionally. But I can feel my body now telling me that I'm have hurt it. The aches and pains have erupted over the last year.

I bought an excise bike. My skinny husband is assembling it now.

So today's the day. I'm not going to snack. If I can get through the day and just have 3 small meals and no desserts I will be pleased.

My birthday is August 15th. I'm going to focus on that. Stick to a diet for 5 weeks.
I can't think about the bigger picture.

5 weeks.

Two days is a victory! It takes time to build new habits.

Well done. I’ve stuck to my guns too. Sounds crazy because I only started on Monday but I really feel I have my head in the right place now. I feel so relieved to be fixing this rather than adding to it. For me , what is helping is embracing my love of food, so I am spending time on planning and cooking and presentation, and making meals more of an occasion rather than shovelling it down.. I feel lighter, it’s easier to not eat half a pack of biscuits if I know that I am going to be eating something lovely later.. already I can feel my energy levels beginning to climb. And of course, properly fat people sometimes see very quick results. I’m a kilo down already.

And that’s not from some crazy restrictive unsustainable diet.1750 calories and My Fitness Pal.

Well done @Arrarker, you can do this! Remember lots of water too.

@Zebracat I've yet to see my energy levels rise.
But I have stuck with things and I think I feel sort of resigned to make an effort. I'm not gung ho about it which I have been in the past.

What sort of things are you cooking?
I've swapped pasta for spiralized courgette and swapped rice for cauliflower.
I'm making ratatouille after work.

10 minutes on the new exercise bike this morning and 10 minutes yoga yesterday.
I've ordered a knee support from Amazon. Can't find anything to help my hip though.

Thanks to those who have been supportive.

30 days to go for my first phase.
Then I will focus on the next goal. Which will be sticking to it until the DC go back to school. Then to October half term. Can't project too far as 30 days is bad enough.

I can’t do low carb, I have gout . Tonight is cauliflower curry. Last night was Mac Ncheese. We will have salad Nicoise tomorrow and roast chicken on Sunday. Lunches have been poached egg on toast,avocado and prawns, cheese and crackers.It’s about weighing portions and getting used to a bit less, but also having a massive crunchy salad on the side that looks and smells wonderful. I love veg, but if I don’t have carbs I get really hungry, so I feel grateful to the gout for getting that low carb trend out of the way. ButI was doing quite well with 16:8 before and that isn’t great for gout either andI had to stop.So portion control, calorie counting and no snacking, except for the odd radish.And yada Yada mindfulness and a food diary.
I stopped smoking 2 years ago after 40 years of misery, and what helped there was allowing myself to really think about smoking, the positives and the negatives, and being honest with myself, so I’m gonna try that with food and I see that I love eating, but I don’t love not being able to find comfortable clothes in the morning, or ever really. I hate my aching knees and hips, and the rash under my belly and breasts. I Hate that if ask the GP about my hip they will tell me to lose weight and I will just crawl Away. But mostly I hate knowing that, just as with smoking, if I don’t sort this I am going to make my life shorter and much less lovely.

I have lasted 5 days and feel like I'm ok. I haven't been tempted to over eat.

I'm still waiting for my energy levels to increase. I have done a small amount of exercise every day but nothing much to get my heart rate up. I suppose that's the next step.

That’s good OP. You could try walking as much as possible if you think your joints can take it. Buying a Fitbit is a really great idea because you can then keep a track of what you’re doing every day and even a quick walk round the block will give you a boost if you feel you haven’t done much that day. Yoga is also a good one as you can modify the poses if they are too hard at the moment.

Your main goal is to avoid binge eating so it’s good that you haven’t felt tempted. Make sure you’re eating enough calories because the temptation comes when you’re restricting too much (as I have learned from bitter experience on the 5:2 diet which by the way I would not recommend if you have any form of binge eating issues). Any deficit is good and slow and steady is better than a short sharp shock.

Low carb will work. Cut sugar, starches and up the veggies and protein, and drink lots of water. Limit your alcohol to red wine.

Any exercise will also help, perhaps join a gym when they reopen. I've always had good results at ladies only gyms, e.g. Curves.

I’m glad it’s going well for you. I’m in the same place as you so not in a position to preach or patronise, but please be careful with how you frame this. If you say I have lasted 5 days, you are seeing this experience as a hardship to endure And you are expecting to fail. If you think of it as being 5 days in to an exploration of your relationship with food, you can’t fail, and that has to be better. I don’t mean to be a Pollyanna, I’ve been gardening and it seems a long time since lunch and a long time till dinner, and I am telling myself that I can have a biscuit if I want and I’m choosing not to, and yes that’s because I would probably eat the whole packet, and thus end my exploration , but I’m not giving myself you are shit messages today.

Also, there is a peculiar pleasure in feeling hungry!

Agree with Zebracat that if this feels difficult or like an endurance then it doesn’t bode well for lasting long. You need to eat enough for this to feel comfortable, not like deprivation. If you have a high BMI, the good news is that you can eat quite a lot (think 1800-1900 cals) and still lose. Take advantage of that and cut down on cals at a later stage.

Interesting
But I think I'm being realistic.
I've always been fat. I have dieted in the past and lost weight. Although have never been even close to my ideal weight in 40 years.
In my mid 50s I can't really see ever being thin. And think of the excess skin. Yuck.
I assume my lifetime of over eating will kill me.

The problem is I want to eat what ever I want and not have any consequences.

DH is 55 with a 32 inch waste. He eats to live. He is no support at all. He's much like the people at the start of my thread. He has no concept of addiction and also thinks it's my body and I can do what I want with it.
If he was as fat as me proportionally I'd be really concerned.
But there you are. He won't change now. So I'm going alone.

I live to eat. I always have done.

BUT - I do recognise that I can't carry on.
My body has said No. in fact it's been saying that for at least 10 years. But I ignored it all as I could carry on. And DH didn't care what I looked like. Which sounds good in theory but isn't.

But now I want to crawl every time I go upstairs. My knees and hip hurt.
I hope I can reverse a bit of the damage but I still think some things inside my body will never be as good as they would have been if I hadn't been carrying excess weight for years and years.

Are you tired a lot?

I could have written your OP except I'm now losing weight without effort. How? I was diagnosed with severe sleep apnea. I thought it was because of my weight but it turns out getting roused from sleep every 2 minutes, every night for you whole life, switches on some primal drive to find energy from other sources. My consultant said it's quite common. If I use my CPAP machine at night I have no desire at all to snack the next day. If I don't, or it's not working right, I can't stop myself snacking on really high energy foods.

Sorry to hear about the lack of support. You can’t change how your husband is but you can choose how you treat your own body. I agree that being ‘thin’ is not really something to aim for but your health would not doubt be much improved if you lost 10% of your body weight or got out of the obese category so maybe have that as your target.

Seriously though, don’t go down the route of shakes, 1200 cals or starvation because with your lack of family support and low self esteem, they won’t work. Focus on not binge eating rather than dieting. You may wish for the ability to eat whatever you want with no consequences but that’s like me saying I want to be able to fly. Nothing will make it happen so it’s a pointless wish. I have had binge eating disorder for many years but am recovering and feel much better now. What I have learned is that deprivation doesn’t work.

I don’t know how long it is since you last lost weight, and if you were starting then from a BMI of 40. I have been this size or close to it 3 times in the past 3 years and what I found is that 5 kilos makes a massive difference in terms of comfort and the strain on joints. It also means that my clothes start to fit again so I am more comfortable.
10 kilos is when other people notice and at 15 kilos, I started to hope I’d really sorted it.. well obviously not or I wouldn’t have to be doing it again, but actually looking back, the first setback came when I was plunged into a really serious family crisis, which lasted a year, the second when I stopped smoking, and that was worth gaining 10 k for. The 3rd was that my thyroid stopped working and of course lockdown and no swimming has been difficult. So I think it’s good that I’m getting back to it, and I learnt a lot in my previous explorations
I honestly believe it’s possible to lose enough weight to be healthy and still enjoy food. I had salad nicoise tonight with a really good rose wine, and it was bloody lovely.
I don’t want to be a size 8, but I would love to be a size 14. I don’t know about loose skin, it’s not happened to me before, I-need to reduce my weight by a third, hopefully loose skin is a lose half your body weight phenomenon!

I'm not especially tired but thanks. I'm glad you got sorted out.

I don't have low self esteem. I'm very confident. I havent let being fat hold me back. Although I hate having my photo taken.

I'm not even sure I'm a binge eater. I think I'm just a steady over eater. Because bingeing would imply I did it occasionally? I could eat a large meal and still want more. I also think I eat unconsciously. I caught myself picking food off they tray as I was serving.
Then, as I carried my dessert I was nibbling it as I was walking to the table.
I don't think that helps.

I need to try to fit in some extra exercise to help me feel better. I have such a long day I use that as an excuse.

"I want to eat what ever I want and not have any consequences".

But you can't and that's the crux of the issue. However, if you want to help yourself over the long term, it might be easier to lessen the portion size or how often you have it. It's a personal thing that I proved to myself many times in the past, but it never worked for me to say I would never eat sweet things again (my particular downfall) - I don't just have a sweet tooth, I have a full set. Before, by telling myself I couldn't have what I wanted instead of learning to moderate it, I caved within weeks and stuffed myself until I replaced weight I lost and then added extra too for good measure.

I am finally being successful losing a serious amount of weight this time. What helped me as I've gone along is knowing I have kept up eating the 'bold' things in smaller portions and less often, so when the scales stalled (back in April for a few weeks) I had something on hold to give away, as such, rather than having deprived myself of everything from the beginning, if that makes sense.

I'm glad to hear you're sticking with it. Keep going for the few weeks, you'll surprise yourself at how much better you will feel.

Binge eating does not mean doing it only occasionally. It means eating an excessively large amount of food and feeling out of control when doing so. Think eating a whole pizza plus a bag of sweets plus a whole tub of ice cream in one meal or a whole packet of biscuits in one go. At my worst I would binge several times a week and some people binge daily.

Week one - done

I haven't found it too tricky. I'm obviously in the right frame of mind.
I would like to get some more exercise. I think the only way I can fit this in is to get up at 5.45 am. Which would give me a generous hour to exercise, shower and dress for work.
I'm too tired after work and still have to cook an evening meal.

I wish I could say I felt better but not yet. I wonder how long it will take to make a difference?

Well done. A week for me too. I had lost 2 kilos, but we had friends round last night and I drank quite a lot, which is unusual for me. Woke up this morning to find I’d gained almost a kilo. Are you weighing yourself Arrarker? I weigh every day, because otherwise I kind of forget and slip into my old ways.
It’s good that you are noticing your habits around food. Getting up at 5.45 sounds punishing though. Could you not get others in the house to share the cooking so you could exercise every other day before dinner? It does sound as if you have very little time for self care.
I love swimming, and really miss it. I walk dogs every day, but have been much more active this week because I’m not sitting with a snack, and I am less focussed on food if weeding than just sitting around.

While exercise is good for overall health and mental health, I think you don't need the unnecessary pressure of getting up at 5ish. As weightloss is 80% about food, I'd nail the eating part now and work some extra walking/cycling/swimming into your weekend.
Just 1 hour on Saturday and Sunday will make you feel better than 'failing' to exercise during the week.

I'm still in the zone. 10 days in. I have lost all the weight I put on in lockdown.
I am waiting for the increase in energy and enthusiasm I read about but I'm not there yet.
I don't feel any different and my clothes aren't any looser because I only wear elastic things these days!
I have set the alarm to exercise but haven't actually achieved anything yet. I wonder if lack of exercise is why I'm not feeling any better?
Still, the weekend is coming! I can do something then.

If anyone else wants to report on their weight battle please do.

Hi!
I've lost 15lbs since mid May. Exercise 4/5 days a week - the difference is I'm doing it as part of a small group in a live class with a trainer.
Are you eating well as well as eating less? You need to make sure you get good food in you as well as reducing calories. Energy won't magically appear by getting lighter (though it will be easier to move about) but it's a whole healthy lifestyle package. Good balanced meals, exercise, enough sleep.

Arrarker, well done. I have a bit more of my lockdown lardage to lose. But I’m still on it. Much more active , and I am still quite positive. Wish it hadn’t got to this again.
Exercise is a puzzle. Lots of people say it doesn’t matter but I think it’s crucial for me, but I am trying to be more active on my daily walk, and I’ve embarked on a renovation of the garden, so I know I’m doing ok, arms are getting muscly. I’m trying to lose 2 kilos a week, at least for the first month.