Hi everyone,
I can’t even believe I’m on here writing this but I’ve just hit a low point and I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone right now.
I’m 25 and I recently came out of a 4 year relationship with someone who was constantly messaging other girls.
I’ve always been very insecure about the way I look - I was always taller and broad and carried a few extra pounds. I can even remember making myself sick at primary school because I was that self conscious when I was eating my dinner.
At 20 I lost 6 stone in 6 months looking back I looked ill, barely eat and really had an unhealthy relationship with food, only eating fruit and chicken all day, everyday. My hair started to fall out and I was becoming dizzy often and I realised this had to stop. Even at 6 stone lighter I didn’t feel any happier.
Over the next 5 years I’ve gradually gained weight and now I’m at my heaviest I’ve ever been and my unhappiest. It’s not just my weight that is making me unhappy. I do not look in the mirror and see one thing that I like about myself. No matter what any one tells me I don’t believe it. All I see is ugly and imperfections. Today I had a panic attack before going into a shop because I knew the shop was busy and I didn’t want people to see me. I felt really really ugly.
I know I need to lose weight for my physical and mental health but I just can’t seem to discipline myself to do it and I hate that I’m making that excuse! I know I need to start doing some exercise for my physical health but also for my mental health but again I start but don’t seem to be able to keep it up. I have a demanding job and work long hours but again I don’t like making that excuse I know I need to find a way to make time.
Has anyone been through similar experiences and is there a light at the end of this dark tunnel?