Weight loss and delusion about looking okay

[Shedtheload]

This is just me spouting my thoughts about weight loss. I read a lot about how most women are hyper-conscious of their weight and that all overweight people know full well that they are fat so it is hateful to say anything about it.

My experience is different. I genuinely seemed to have a blind spot when it came to weight. I am 5’6’’ and although it sounds a cop-out, I am quite big-boned. I have a large frame and that probably helps me carry weight quite well. I knew I had gained some weight but kidded myself that it was only a couple of pounds. I was wearing size 12 (albeit elasticated) jeans and dresses. I thought I looked pretty normal. I was horrified when I finally weighed myself and I was 14 st 7 lbs. Looking back, I was pretty bloody fat and looked it but I swear to god that when I looked in the mirror I thought I looked normal. No bulging flab, a relatively flat stomach etc.

I started taking my health seriously the weekend lockdown started, ie about 7 weeks ago. Since then, I have lost 15 pounds (7.3% of body weight). This is about a third of what I want to lose, so I have about 30 pounds left. I am nearly out of the obese range (never have I wished I was ‘overweight’ more). My BMI has gone from 32.7 to 30.3. I can see and feel changes. Running feels much easier than before. My stomach feels smaller. My waist size is no longer ‘a medical concern’, meaning I have lost some of the more dangerous fat.

I have also gone 53 days without bingeing which I have never done before in my whole life.

At the same time, I feel really despondent that I let myself get so big and embarrassed that I was so deluded and thought I looked fine when I was in fact obese. Has anyone else had this where they thought they looked fine but in hindsight really didn’t? I keep imagining that people were laughing at me behind my back and describing me as fat when they discussed me. Probably just me being paranoid but still.

Sorry for the rant and thanks for listening.

I should add, the two women I worked with were both apple shaped and bigger than me, they always used to comment on my flat stomach, which was lovely of them but it's probably why I didn't notice my huge legs and bum! I have kept it off for over 8 years now, good luck

I’m the same height as you and I was 14 stone 9 at my biggest. I also didn’t think I looked particularly overweight but I lost 2 stone when I had a period of illness a couple of years ago and my BMI has gone from obese to overweight. I look back on photos of me at my biggest and I look fat and puffy. I don’t understand why I didn’t see it before but I was clearly in denial and had a really unhealthy relationship with food (massive binges every few days).
I still want to lose another 2 stone but I’m doing it very slowly so it stays off long term.

I had the lightbulb moment a week ago when I weighed myself and discovered I am in the obese category too. I knew I'd put on weight but I'm also pretty fit, exercise a lot, and still wearing size 12, just a bit tighter. So there was a lot of 'I can't possibly be obese'. The mental image I have of an obese person is not me. I think I still look overweight rather than obese but the scales don't lie so it's probably self-delusion too. I eat too much, and am now working to lose it. Wish I'd been like you and started at the beginning of lockdown rather than spending 2 months eating and making excuses.

Yep, I've had this. In my head I look fine, but then I walk past a mirror or see a photograph and think 'Who's that fat, old.... Oh it's me!' 😅

So glad it's not just me. It's inspiring hearing from those who have lost 2 st, as this is my next target. Am then happy to lose the last stone relatively slowly to try to make sure it stays off. I think that going forward, I am just going to have to resign myself to weighing myself regularly for the rest of my life, as I clearly can't keep an eye on my weight otherwise! Although, if I can beat binge eating for good, I reckon I will have a fairly good chance, as I actually enjoy healthy foods. I was having a binge-day at least once a week before and now I have been binge-free for 8 weeks and have not been tempted. In a binge-day, I could eat a whole loaf of bread with butter, a pizza, a packet of biscuits, ice-cream, sweets, the lot. Thinking about it honestly, I think we were talking at least 4,000 to 5,000 calories in one sitting. It was definitely an attempt to 'eat my problems' but I feel so much better now, psychologically and I genuinely feel that I don't need to binge. I have never, since the age of 14, gone this long without binge-eating, so I hope it lasts, lol.

I also know what you mean about not thinking of myself as an 'obese person'. I think that when we think about obesity, we think about morbid obesity rather than the much more common state of being a few stone overweight, where you essentially look fairly 'normal'. Doesn't make it healthy though (although I totally am realising the difference between being healthy and looking good).