Changing mindset on weight loss

1

Hello

I can't seem to get my head around losing weight. I have four stone to get to a healthy weight. I try to do it in stages and break it down into half a stone but I can't seem to manage that! 


I have had severe eating disorders in the past with life changing bulimia. I no longer do this now hence the weight gain. 


The first stage is trying to maintain and I have cracked this for the past 12 months. 

However when I start to lose weight it is like a click on my brain which makes me want to put it back on. It's like my safety net.


I don't want to count calories or specific diets as this causes me to become obsessive and I will spill over into being bulimic. 


It's weird I want to lose weight to be healthy but I am scared to lose weight too.


I am mid forties so harder than normal to lose weight. Tried little changes such as no butter, more exercise etc. But this does not lose the weight -only maintain and prevent more going on.


Any ideas would be much appreciated. Read every book on the subject and researched but sometimes real life people can help more! 

Oh- had CBT which is what stopped the bulimia. 


I don't know whether to chuck out my scales and see what happens? 


Thanks everyone