Thin Side Out.....

[SpideyMom]

OK, so after a horrendous binge last night I've come to the conclusion this has to stop.

I've binged over half my life and it's really making me feel shit about myself having such a lack of control.

I have purchased thin Side Out today in a hope it will set off a change in my mindset. Something needs to give now as I can't go in like this. I've even contemplated the Doctors however as I am not overweight I don't feel like I will be taken seriously. But inside is the problem. I am controlled by this compulsion to eat absolutely excessive amounts and I hate myself for it.

Any advice, tips or book recommendations will be much appreciated.

TIA xx

Any one?

I spent a lot of my life binging and yo-yo dieting. I hated myself for a long time. Eventually, I decided to flip my mindset to taking care of myself, rather than punishing myself. It has been a long road, but I now don't ban anything, but focus on quality food and really enjoying every mouthful. For example, if I am out with a friend somewhere with delicious homemade cake, then I will have some and enjoy every mouthful without guilt. But, if there is some cheap, highly processed cake at work, then I am not going to eat it, because it is not worth it to me. I found I had to stop banning things, to stop me binging on things. There are some very useful messages in the anti-dieting community, but for me eating when I was hungry, stopping when I was full, wasn't enough on its own as I had spent so long binging. So I had to create my own nutrition guidelines to go alongside it.

The other thing that I found really useful, was a video to stop cravings. I had a massive issue with peanut M and Ms mainly, so this helped my instantly and has lasted for years

I really think learning to believe that you are worth taking care of is the biggest factor though, and not trying to be perfect. Sometimes everyone eats when they are not hungry, but not every day. I haven't read Thin Side Out, but I find Geneen Roth's books pretty cool.

I totally believe you can do it, just take each small step at a time 😊

Thank you for your valuable advice. I must admit, it has often crossed my mind if part of the problem is the guilt I am consumed by when I eat certain foods which I feel I shouldnt. When really I want to get to a place where no food is off limits and I can enjoy it without the following abuse that I do to myself because I feel such a failure. Say if I eat, some chocolate or cake, I think 'fuck it, you've messed up now may as well carry on' but there's carrying on and then binging.

I know this will be a long road. I've lived this way for so long now it's going to be a change of life and not a quick fix for me. I have to do something. My son is growing up and becoming more aware of my bad eating habits. I do not want him to have the same issues.

I've seen other posts about intuitive eating so I may look up those as well.

Last night and tonight haven't been bad at all. I refer to is as night as that's where it all happens. I ate after 9pm last night which I am trying to avoid but it was just some toast. I get through the days fine. Its once my son is in bed and I have a few hours of TV to myself, I just cave and eat obscene amounts.

I just wish a few days become a long term thing and not the yo yo cycle I am used to

I know it's possible to break this cycle, because I had to do it too and I have got to the place where I don't have restrictions on food, but you're right it can be a long road.

I have a few suggested questions that you could think about. You don't have to give me the answers, but they might help you to get some clarity.

Why do you think you eat once your son has gone to bed? Is it a reward for getting through the day (for me this was a big one)? Is it because you're tired or lonely or even simply hungry? If you can get to the root cause, you may be able to come with alternative ways to take care of yourself. I had to improve my sleep and change job (I'm sure that's not necessary for everyone!). I love the fact that your son is part of your motivation for getting more balance in your eating.

I have 2 practical suggestions that helped me as well. Don't ban anything, guilt is the fuel for overeating. Instead, focus all your attention on each bite of food. At the beginning whatever we're eating tastes amazing, but it soon becomes ordinary. If you can start to notice that, you may decide to stop eating earlier.

Secondly, make the healthier choice the easy one. I always have some fruit and dark chocolate in the house, so I never need to feel hungry or deprived. Over time my taste buds have adapted and they seem like a treat to me now. Only eat things you enjoy though. I have permission to buy and eat whatever I want, but because they're around, that's what I tend to choose 😊

Thank you again.

So far since I posted, I've ate what I've wanted but it's not triggered a binge. I mean I've ate a few biscuits and a bag of crisps but it's stopped there and not gone into a pack of biccies and 5 bags of crisps! When I binged the other night it really hit me hard what a mess I'm in with it all. I hated myself for letting it control me. My calorie intake since has been between 1500 to 2000 for each day, so way better than the 4000 or more I can eat in a day. I'm not going to crash diet as the circle has to be broken.

I can go through these phases though. I can do a few weeks of this and then I fall back into had habits so I'm not expecting miracles.

My book came today. I've had a quick flick through it. Looks like a good read and the bits I've read do ring bells.

It's a good question you ask, I could say that it's because I am tired. And part of it is. But deep down I think I do it out of loneliness. It's been me and my boy now most of his life. He is 5. I'm 33, I have no social life, there is no way of me meeting anyone. I absolutely adore my son and our dog. I am so proud of our little family but I am lonely. All my friends have their own lives and families. I feel stuck.

I've tried the dark chocolate thing. Believe it or not I can binge on that too. I've also never been one for fruit. Over the years I've tried my best to get used to it, but I just don't like the texture. Veg on my dinner, not a problem but fruit I just don't like it.

Thank you for your advice x

Massive dislike for my body tonight. God I need to be at peace with myself

I spoke too soon. Not a huge binge but 1000 calories enough to make me feel sick and ashamed of myself. I was going to start my book tonight. But I'm shattered and so upset now

@SpideyMom My heart goes out to you. I think you are being hard on yourself, but I understand your disappointment. You are just being human. We all cope with life in different ways, some people shop, some gamble and some of us eat. You are not faulty, this is just your coping mechanism and you can change it, but the first step is to be kind and understanding to yourself.

This is very early days. I've been in recovery for several years, but occasionally I still eat if I'm lonely rather than hungry, but I'm ok with that if it's now and again, because everyone does. It's about progress not perfection

Maybe let go of trying to control what you're eating at the moment and don't take any notice of the calories. Just focus on reading the book and being compassionate to yourself, as this is the only real cure. I am pretty sure the book will help you feel better about yourself. There are many women in the same situation as you, but most of us hide it. It might be worth a conversation with your GP or googling to see if there are any support groups near you.

One other thing that helped me was realising how amazing bodies truly are (I am a nurse, you'd think I would know this!), but we breathe, our hearts beat, our wounds heal etc all without us doing anything. We're incredible and I think that was the first step for me to start trying to take care of my body and treat it with kindness and respect.

Sending you all my best wishes and support for today 🥰

Thank you for your kind words. You really have come a long way. Well done.

I've had a few days of being off here as I've not felt the greatest. After a battle with the doctor who was adament I was fine, I ended up in hospital with a kidney infection. Antibiotics then knocked me silly and made me so sick. I then immediately picked up a cold which is currently nearly 2 weeks in and at the wheezy phlegmy stage. So I am just sick of feeling lousy now.

I've eaten normally, in the sense that nothing has been restricted and it's felt wonderful in that allowing myself to enjoy pizza and cake with my son, I haven't then abused my body and overfed it because I've felt a loss of control. However I looked at my body last night and I hated it. And that made me so sad. I am currently fluctuating between the 9st 7 - 9st 10 mark. I am by no means fat but I look chunky and there is a visible weight gain from my comfortable weight of 8st 10. I'd be happy around 9st to be fair but it's the way my body is. I carry weight on my lower half. I go really out at the side of my thighs!!!! So I am pretty shapeless until the side of my thighs and they am chunky from their on. I hate it and cover myself in oversized clothing to hide myself. Seeing my body last night though I was ashamed as I immediately started remembering all the food I've abused to cause my to look this way.

My relationship with food is diabolical. It upsets me

It sounds like you've had a really tough couple of weeks! It also sounds like you've actually been doing really well around food, despite everything else going on. I think you should be giving yourself a pat on the back. What you're discovering is true, once you take the guilt away, overeating loses its appeal most of the time. I honestly think you're making remarkable progress. Remember the progress not perfection bit (I describe myself as a recovering perfectionist 😉). There are still occasions when I eat more than I need, but that's not the important thing, it's what I do next that's important. So being kind to myself, and only eating what I need at the next snack/meal is key. If I threw in the towel and then just kept overeating, that's not helpful.

I hear what you're saying about hating your body. I felt the same way for decades, but hating ourselves generally leads to overeating and the cycle continues. If you continue doing as well as you are, you will probably find that you naturally lose some weight, almost without trying. It's not a quick process, but it lasts which is more important. I can still find things about myself that I'd like to be different, but I don't look for them. I've also never met a woman, however skinny, who didn't have something or many things, that she disliked about her body. I don't know how practical exercise is in your life, but I've found strength training (at a ladies gym) has continued to improve my relationship with my body. There are lots of videos on YouTube, if going to the gym is not doable.

You are doing brilliantly, just becoming more aware of these issues and starting to do something about it. Every journey starts with a single step as they say 😊