Walk of shame at swimming pool.

[BigFatFuckNC]

So I’m at centre parcs at the mo. There’s a ride where you have to be 18.9 stone max, apparently I missed the scales at the bottom of the stairs and walked all the way up and was weighed by the life guard at the top. Weighed too much. Had to walk back down in front of everyone in the queue. In my swimming costume. If I’d have spotted the scales at the bottom my dignity would have been spared. My mistake totally and the lifeguard was doing his job completely. Also he was really polite. Nice young lad. Mortified.

I’m also a big fat fucking fuck. I can’t tell you the last time I got on the scales, but the cut of is 18.9 stone. So the best part of 20 stone. Fuck me.

I’m a binge eater, totally unhealthy relationship with food. I will eat a healthy breakfast, lunch and tea. I’ll eat a fuck tonne of hidden snacks, every time I go to Asda I eat a massive bar of chocolate in the car. I know it’s wrong but I don’t know how to change it.

this is my wake up call. Please help me change. Give me pointers about where to start. Please.

You poor thing........try writing down everything you eat. Sometimes seeing it in black and white makes you accountable. We are all guilty of underestimating how much we eat. Good luck babes xx

Good luck OP! I'm rooting for you 💐

Funnily enough, I was looking at some before and after photos online when people have lost weight, sometimes a lot of weight.

Sometimes it is a bit butterly from a chysallis, the change is so dramatic and the person who "appears" post-diet is so beautiful! But quite alot of the time you can see the beauty in the former overweight person very clearly too. But they probably can't see it. They're too concerned with their weight etc, which is a bit sad.

I would highly recommend the new WW online (the new WeightWatchers). The "App" is excellent - and I am a total technophobe! Classes aren't my thing though. I'm finding the App straightforward and with some really enjoyable meals and recipes. I'm also finding it much easier than calorie counting which I found boring after a while. It doesn't exclude any food groups and it is very simply flexible to your style of eating. Interestinly, I did read somewhere that WW have stopped doing "before and after" photos for some reason, I can't remember the reason exactly : maybe because it focuses too much on looks rather than health and well being etc (But lots of people do inevitably post their personal before and after photos on their website).

Maybe the swimming pool thing was your moment of recognition, OP, everyone's is different. I can't even remember mine, it was in the Summer. I think looking at myself in an M&S mirror and thinking, hmm need to do something ...

@manteray I haven't read that about before photos from Weight Watchers but I can kind of understand it as it is shaming a previous version of yourself which isn't healthy.

Please be kind to yourself OP. Have you ever considered talking therapy (counselling) to help unpick your relationship with food and reform some habits? Maybe your GP could refer you?

Yes thats interesting point of view Fantasia. Sometimes I have a sense of discomfort re. the before and after photos, which I've never been quite able to put my finger on.

Sorry, been busy obviously.
I have a DS who is two and a half and I got terrible PND after having him, I was suicidal, went through a traumatic break up, have moved cross country. I honestly think I’ve been through a fair bit in a short time period and have used food and eating as a crutch for dealing with my emotions. I eat when I’m happy/sad/frustrated/bored. Whatever, I eat to numb what I’m feeling.

A poster said about doing some talking therapy and that’s probably a really good idea to be fair. As is writing my intake down. I need to make myself more accountable. I’m not sure a weight loss group is right for me, I’ve been before and the focus is on food, and I need to switch myself away from that.

Thank you for being kind, for realising that this is more than just eat less, move more, there’s actually a boat load of hurt tagged onto it.

Interesting, to get an understanding of why we have some unhealthy habits or a more difficult rltnship with food - agree that can be helpful.

Everyone is different as well and has different issues at different times that contribute to weight gain: off the top of my head it could be illness, drug side-effects, stress, emotional issues, lack of self care (or indeed knowing how to self care), disabilities, upbringing around food, not knowing how to cook or feed oneself nutritiously, so many things. You can also simply be a bit of a bon viveur who needs to rein it in a bit guilty as charged!.

Regardless, you can still be a wonderful person with any of those issues - and no before or after photo will ever be able to show that. Clearly, there are some positives in losing weight if you are overweight. But when you read about normal women torturing themselves about a few pounds when they are a size 8 or 10, I think there is also something missing in that outlook: being a healthy weight is meant to help improve our quality of life, not turn people into neurotics.

I hope things improve for you now OP, it sounds like you are in a better place to start looking after yourself more, good luck.

“Thank you for realising this is more than just eat less, move more, there’s actually a boat load of hurt tagged onto it.”

Brilliantly put, OP. So true for many of us.

I’ve arranged a weekly counselling session starting in a couple of weeks and I’m starting an intermittent fasting plan next week.

Fuck this. Fuck not being allowed in rides cos I endanger myself and others. Fuck not being around for my son.

Small steps, small starts, starts now.

I'd just like to say - I've been there. I was fat though my teens, and reached 22st by the age of 20. I was the same as you, overeating, no control, little exercise.

I managed to get down to 10st through healthy diet and exercise. So if you need any help, or anyone to talk to, please feel free to message me :).

Hugs. I weigh 16 stone. I’m unhappy. Its been a stressful 9 years and it continues to be stressful trying to raise 3 kids (two have Sen). Like you I emotionally eat, I binge eat, I just eat. I hate myself for it. I’m so embarrassed. I don’t go out much because I feel like a lump. My kids are embarrassed by me (one of the ones with Sen has been quite blunt about it). I worry about my health, I feel grossly unhealthy and unattractive.

If you want a buddy or just a chat DM me. Well don’t for making yourself accountable.

I could never diet/eat healthy by myself. I have to go to slimming world or else I’ll cheat. I force myself to go even on the bad weeks. I’m 4 stone down since March.

You're taking good steps OP!
My suggestion is use that swimming costume - find an aquafit class. Lots of us larger ladies go as it's easier on the joints but still aerobic. If cost is an issue see if your GP has an exercise on prescription programme.

Have a look at keto, along with intermittent fasting, that really worked for me.

How awful for you
But look at you go now with the things you’re putting in place. Impressive!!