How to say "no" at BBQs, birthday parties etc

[peanutbutterismydownfall]

I'm early 40s, have PCOS, a sedentary job, a long commute and love of sweet things & carbs.
I'm just over a healthy BMI and want to lose 7lbs, ideally a stone but 7lbs would be OK. I have been trying to do this for 18 months now without success. I have constantly felt as though I am on a diet and monitoring what I eat but have nothing to show for this. My problem is the "little" things which all too quickly mount up.
So how do I have the will power and the manners to resist? Yesterday, we went to a BBQ and were there for 10hours. The alcohol was flowing, there was little meat, few green salads and a lot of carb/creamy dressing ones plus a huge number of puddings. Skinny hostess kept forcing food on us; skinny other guests kept taking the piss when I said I didn't want a drink.
Earlier in the week, a colleague came back from lunch having bought us all an ice cream. It seemed churlish to throw it in the bin.
Last weekend was a friend's birthday and I was handed a slice of cake...
I could go on. I'm sure some people can lose weight whilst still indulging like this occasionally but I have got to the stage of realising that I don't think I can but I don't know how to do it. I have tried cutting back calories the next day but I've always got hangry so that doesn't tend to work.
Any tips?

Hmm, I think if you stand there not having much of anything then you might come across a bit like Banquo at the feast.

Take a plateful early on, when there is plenty of choice. Say how delicious it all is and you couldn’t possibly eat more. Dilute your drinks with plenty of ice or mixer.

Skinny hostess kept pushing food on us
How about generous hostess wanted her guests to feel welcome? She isn’t trying to get you hooked on Class As.

Sorry, I misread forcing as pushing, but I feel my point still stands.

She isn’t doing anything very wrong. You have the power of ‘no’.

How much exercise are you managing to get? Could you exercise more the days you have social event to burn off the extra calories your going to eat

It's tricky for sure. But ultimately if you just keep politely and enthusiastically refusing, it gets easier. I lost weight significantly when I stopped allowing myself to use the 'but I'm expected to eat' excuse. You don't have to. You aren't expected to. Just don't.

I agree about taking a plateful of salad and meat early, and saying how much you're enjoying it. Then sparkling water with ice and lemon is perfectly fine as a drink. Just keep looking as if you're enjoying yourself and saying no thanks to alcohol. A wine spritzer is a good option for a single glass maybe.

I also agree about exercise. It does make a difference when you're struggling with such tight margins. Weights circuits, running or team sports are good - basketball, netball, rowing?

Sometimes you do just have to suck it up - as in the colleague buying ice cream, or the birthday cake. However, you could let it be known in the office that you are on a diet so please could people not include you in any treats being given out. As for the BBQ - you absolutely can refuse. Otherwise fill your plate with stuff you don't love, but which is tolerably healthy, and eat it dead slowly. As for booze - if necessary resort to telling people you are on medication and can't drink.

You could always accept the cake with a smile and make your way to the kitchen, pop it on the side untouched and somebody else will probably eat it. Or say you've been having migraines triggered by sugar / alcohol.
Quite often party food looks much nicer than it actually tastes. Eg overly sweet and dry cupcakes, dry sausage rolls etc. If there are crudités etc nibble on those. It's not easy though.

Next time you could bring healthy stuff maybe? Eg a fruit platter or whatever.
Keep moving around the party so people stop asking you to eat stuff.

It’s simple , you just say no thanks I’ve had plenty - and don’t drink alcohol - lots of us manage to do it .

Fill your plate with healthy stuff. Be slowly munching your way through and have your hands full with that. Sip your drink slowly. Take some sparkling mineral water put in a gin glass add lemon. No one will take a second glance.

Oh and talk a lot. Makes you eat slower!

Drive as much as you can, so you have a reason not to drink. Or just accept it but don't drink it. Same works with cake. Agree with others, fill your plate with as much salad as you can and munch slowly through it. The ice cream situation is a pain in the bum. Either say 'no thanks' and let them deal with the extra one - it's not your problem they didn't ask first (a few of these and they'll get the hint) or accept it and ditch it if you can. If you look around, people leave food all the time! Have half of it then 'forget' about it and 'oh look, it's melted, such a shame'.

Say your cholesterol is raised, no one questions this.

Ask people lots of questions. They will be talking too much to offer you food. Most people like talking about themselves.

To be honest I think you just have to suck it up.

I’ve been the same way for months to the point where I just helplessly gave in the minute I wanted something or it was offered. I didn’t believe I could say no.

Recently something has clicked and I’ve lost 10lb. Still a way to go but I’ve realised now I CAN say no.

I do 5:2, so obviously some days I don't eat cake etc. "No thanks I'm fasting!" does the trick. And no one will mind if you say that you can't have the ice cream, so does anyone else want a second?

I’ve found my my colleagues adapt really well if they know someone is dieting - whenever something’s getting offered round they’ll often say something like “hey X, would you like a treat or are you still on your healthy eating kick?” A fasting colleague will often respond to treats with “sorry, it’s my fast day today”.

As long as you thank them for the kind offer and keep it breezy, you won’t cause offence, honest!

Your host friend at the BBQ was just being a good host. Just respond “no thank you, that was absolutely lovely, but i’m stuffed!”

You might find that you’ve gotten into a vicious cycle of since you’re always known as accepting seconds/treats; that’s why they’ll ask you! Once you’ve said it a few times and established you are trying to “be good”, they’ll stop asking.

Alternatively, you’ve said you try and cut calories the following day but get “hangry”; i’ve found severely restricting on just one day is asking for trouble, but maybe try cutting down by 100 calories per day in the week leading up to an event - that saves you some calories for the weekend. 5:2 is good as it balances out blow out days but takes a while to get used to the fast days.

Also with alcohol - either breezily turn down a drink with “i’m Ok for the moment, thanks”; nurse the shit out of one drink, or find a low calorie option you’re happy with.

Have a look at the Blood Sugar Diet and Fast 800 thread. I’m in my50 s with hormonal issues and have lost doing it.
In my experience people don’t notice what you eat, or are accepting if you decline for diet reasons. It’s ok to accept cake and quietly set it aside. Mind you I’ve been known to feed it to a dog at a bbq too.

Eat before you go, so it's less tempting, get a plate of meat and salad and take your time. accept the food then just leave the plate somewhere or throw it out. I bring my own sparkling water so just drink that.

Cholesterol upthread is a good idea.

Or gluten intolerant. Or an alcohol intolerance.

People will not accept dieting as an excuse, for some reason.

Eat before you go out.

Fill your plate with mostly salads. Don’t touch the creamy stuff. Say how you couldn’t eat another thing

If you must drink alcohol drink a tiny bit of wine with fizzy water.

Cake/ice cream just say no thanks. People will get used to it.

I’m 51. If I were to eat all the food offered to me I’d be the size of a house.