I Don't Know Where to Start

[AnnieOnAMapleLeaf]

I have been overweight since I was 12 years old and have struggled with my weight since then. I have tried every diet and cannot stick to anything longer than a few months.

I am now nearly 18st and I disgust myself. But in spite of the bloated body, the sore joints and the shortness of breath, I cannot bring myself to stop.

Food is my comfort and always has been. When I crave a certain food, I cannot think of anything else until I get it. When I am down, I eat. When I am happy, I eat. When I am lonely, I eat. When I am stressed, I eat. And I don't just eat, I binge. I eat so much that I feel ill.

I finally managed to quit smoking nearly 3 years ago and now it's time for me to tackle my weight. But I don't know where to start. I don't know what would work but I desperately want to find something I can stick to for longer than a few months. I can't walk far because I am short of breath and get shin splints and then can barely walk for a few days because my legs hurt so badly.

It's especially difficult because my DH is my enabler and my feeder. He is constantly making cakes and pies and cookies and buying snack food. He is not supportive at all when I try to lose weight. How do I do it without a support system?

Sorry for the long, rambling post. My mind is all over the place. Thanks for any suggestions.

Sorry to hear you are feeling so bad about yourself OP. Have you ever tried hypnotherapy ? It is really effective for weight loss when all diets rely on willpower and therefore are bound to fail. Good luck !

I haven't tried hypnotherapy. I will look into, thank you. If I am very honest, I think I could probably benefit from therapy in general. But, unfortunately, it is too expensive.

I know - the beauty of hypnotherapy in my opinion is that you don’t need lots of sessions. So it is not so expensive. You may pay have to pay £50-70 for one session but if it changes your life for the better it is really worth it. A therapist will find the root cause of your issue and work on that. You may also find a therapist who will have a lower rate for those who can’t afford it?

I have a bit of a problem with bingeing and partner who likes to cook. I've been trying 16/8 intermittent fasting and have found it's been really good discipline around not snacking. As I've gone with it, I've found my appetite has also reduced and I just drink a lot of black tea/coffee/water between the meals. It's also quite easy for my partner to understand - because I'm still eating meals with him but I will say 'I'm not eating any more tonight' in the evenings. I've found trying to focus on this, makes me feel like I am achieving and while I haven't been doing it very long, it's been more effective for me than just calorie counting. I've taken a bit of a break from it over Christmas and New Year but happily and surprisingly, I am the same weight now that I was on 23rd December.

It isn't for everyone and it depends on your circumstances but I always thought i had really bad willpower and it seems to be working for me.

Why don't you spend January doing some research? Considering different approaches? We could all reply what works for us or what inspires us, but I get the sense that won't really help you.

I’m going to sound harsh but your Husband is not your enabler. You are your own enabler and you have to learn to say no to the treats he cooks. Whether you are at home, at a restaurant or at a friends there will always be unhealthy food to tempt you.

You need to change your attitude to food. Why don’t you start off small. Identify one thing that you know you do that you shouldn’t and cut it out. Once that’s cut out do something else. Eventually something then will just click and you will see that you can do this.
Also why not challenge your husband to make you healthier treats- no sugar versions of what he already makes?

Thank you for all your input.

First, I know that it is not my husband's fault. He may cook the food, but he doesn't force me to eat it. The problem is, I have zero willpower. I just don't. When I am stressed or depressed, he feeds me and I eat it. I know that needs to stop but I am at a loss as to how to do it.

What do you mean about 16/8 fasting?do you mean you fast for 16 hours and eat for 8 hours?

Saying no to your husbands food is the start of you getting your willpower.

Lots of people write about the real role of "will power" in eating. Off the top of my head- Paul McKenna, Michael Mosley and Alison Kerr all talk about what's really going on when we tell ourselves "I just don't have any will power".