DDs Weight Gain

[AmICrazyorWhat2]

So I expect I'll be flamed by some people for being unkind, but I'm genuinely concerned about DD and need practical advice.

DD(13) went swimming with a friend yesterday and decided to wear a bikini as it's pretty warm here and that's what girls her age wear. I knew she'd been gaining weight over the past year, but I've been reluctant to make an issue of it for fear of damaging her self-esteem - plus she's growing and her height might need to catch up with her weight gain.

But, I was shocked at how large she looked in her bikini - she really did look overweight and I just don''t know what to do now.

Our family has two body types: DS and I are small-framed and tend to be on the lower end of our BMI's; DH and DD are heavily-built and gain weight more easily. DH was told this year by his doctor that he needed to lose 30lbs and there are a couple of obese people on his side of the family. I just don't want DD's weight to get out of hand.

She does play on sports teams and I limit treats, but it clearly isn't enough. At her last doctor's check-up, the dr. told us that DD should aim to stay under a certain weight, but I'm pretty sure she's over that now.

What do I do? I'm terrified that if I say anything, I could trigger an eating disorder.

On the positive side, she's a self-confident girl and has a pretty face. Her looks may seem irrelevant, but they obviously boost her self-esteem.

Has anyone dealt with this? How did you approach it?

I wouldn’t mention her weight to her, as it may not help and might make her eat more.

But I would gradually make changes at home. Buy only healthy snacks and no desserts. Cut up lots of fruit and veg and leave it out for her to help herself to. Larger snacks of hummous/hard boiled eggs etc. Healthy dinners with her filling up on lots of meat/fish/veg etc so she is not hungry. Occasional treats so she does not feel the need to eat secretly.

I was in a similar situation with DS a few years ago - he seemed to be gaining weight, particularly around his tummy at age 12-13. DH and I spoke to him directly, but gently about making healthier choices with food and as a family we all made a fitness push together. When we spoke to him, it was very much about being ‘healthy’ rather than to do with weight. We cut down on junk/sweets etc. and portion sizes slightly. He’s now 17 and has completely slimmed down, with no issues. My understanding is that children tend to grow outwards then upwards and everything usually sorts itself out although I’m sure some will disagree - DS swims multiple times a week and at age 13 there were quite a few other boys who looked a bit podgy. Although of course if your DD is quite severely overweight rather than just carrying a little extra weight, then it might be something more.

I agree win Raisin. Please don’t say anything to her as once you have said something there is no going back. It is likely she is already aware of her weight and has probably noticed that you and DS are naturally thinner than her. If she realises others have noticed it may really affect her confidence.

As much as you can, I would start cooking lower calorie foods and trying to get the kids out and about more (under the guise of “family” time). You could even say that you’re worried about DH’s weight and you want everyone to be as fit and healthy as possible. Please don’t direct anything to her though, as it is such a sensitive issue at that age.

Sorry to come back to this after so long. She's back at school and playing on a sports team again, so I'm hoping that will help. Unfortunately, we've had to have her school skirts let out...that was a bit awkward, but I didn't say anything .

I've also discovered that Madam has been making herself mugs of hot chocolate in the evening. Being an untidy teenager, she was letting the dirty mugs accumulate on her bookshelves, until I made her tidy up this weekend!

Ugh, I just wish she'd recognise that these daily treats don't help. I don't want to make an issue out it.

Well, that last message was full of scorn for your daughter so don't worry she's probably already picked up on your attitude. What do you feed your kids? A bit of hot chocolate in the evening when you're an active teen shouldn't make you big. Make sure you don't nag and push her into secret eating.

Why shouldn’t you mention it? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying too much junk food will make you unhealthy and you’ll gain weight.
Obviously you don’t need to make an issue of her weight but just say that hot choc has too much sugar and is bad for her health and teeth.
Encourage fruit and veg and reduce carbs. Especially wheat. We have two body types in my family too and I’ve notice the more overweight members have a carb issue.

I don't know what her diet is like but we try and make it more about how bad sugar is, because most often, that is where the problem lies. We don't ban treats and sweet things completely but we try very hard to persuade our kids to eat, rather than drink them. Soft drinks are the worst but hot chocolate would also be a culprit.

You could actually work out how much sugar everyone is consuming each day and analyse where it is coming from - try and get as close as possible to recommended limits (which is hard). Focus their minds on what they really, really enjoy and then choose that, rather than several treats in a day. Then it isn't just about her or her weight but it should have an impact and will be good for all of you.

If anyone in the family is up for C25K with her then that is also fantastic, sell it has helping her improve in her team sport?

@livefornaps

I can see why my post came across as scornful. We have an ongoing joke in our family calling each other "Madam" and "Mister" when we end up tidying up after someone else....I was the one picking up the dirty mugs while trying to get her to tidy up her room, hence the joke.

Honestly, I'm a big believer in home-cooked meals and we only have the odd take-out as a treat. Far more salads and fresh veg. than anything else.

That's why I'm concerned at her weight gain, I don't understand WHY, given that she also plays sport. I'm hoping it's hormonal/growth spurt related.

Sorry if I'm coming across as hyper-critical. I'm a small build and I've never had to deal with unexplained weight gain. I'm worried about her