I'm miserable

[NGC2017]

As the title says I am miserable.

My issue isn't so much my weight. If I lost a few pounds, great. If I don't then no problem. But I am finding myself obsessing over the scales because of the way I eat. I go most of the day either eating well or with very little food. Then at night I go to pot. I can't even explain why I do it but I can binge extremely large amounts of food that I know is unnecessary but I can't seem to stop.
My history is an anorexic. I then battled with binge eating for years and then I found a balance. 4 years ago I had my little boy and it was so important to me that I made sure he had a healthy relationship with food. He has and I am so pleased but I am so ashamed and miserable by my binging. Its making me feel horrible. My stomach is always bloated and hurting. I had huge saddlebags. The other week I paid for a 6 day juice detox. I was so proud I did it with success. I proved I didn't need to eat like I do. Sadly the last 2 days I've ate terrible and I feel horrendously guilty.
I am 9st 3lb, 5ft 6 so my weight is fine. But my body is so out of shape and lumpy.
It's is more my mind that's affected by my eating. I am checking the scales so much as I know the way I am binging is likely to have an effect soon.
Does anyone have any experience in overcoming binge eating?

Thanks in advance xx

I’m miserable also , I stopped smoking 9 yrs ago for health reasons I used to smoke 40 cigarettes a day and more if I went out for a drink . And I’m ashamed to say ive gained 9 stone in 9 years I’m grotesque and feel trapped in a vicious circle, x

I'm sorry to hear that. I completely agree. It makes you feel horrible. I am honestly ashamed of the way I gorge myself.
It's irrelevant to me how much weight someone puts on. It's the way it makes you feel about yourself. That feels much worse.
Last night I did it again. I just ate and ate and ate. During I was actually thinking what the hell am I doing/what shall I have next. Today I feel better. I've ate very well. But I am worried for 9pm.
Sometimes I don't even enjoy what I am eating. The excessive sweetness becomes too much yet I don't stop.
I hate feeling out of control. If I could get control of the binging I would accept my body however it was meant to be x

And I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you manage somehow to get control, it’s a struggle !!! I’m determined to tackle this weight , I know it’s going to be hard but one thing I’m sure of is I won’t gain another pound , it’ll be a hard slog but I’ll try. Take care NGC2017 x

Wishing you the best of luck xx

Hi, I used to be bulimic and your description of the need to binge sounds so familiar. It can be ridiculously difficult not to eat even when you know you're not hungry and that you will regret it.

Can you make changes to your routine to try and break the pattern? Something like having a you-tube yoga session lined up and then have a bath afterwards. Oh, and congratulate yourself any time that you don't binge or have a smaller binge than you could have done.

Thinking of you.