Is it time to accept my weight and move on?

[fireplacetiles]

I am 51 5ft 4ish and weigh 12 stone 1. I have lost and regained the same 1-2 stones over the last 10 years and frankly it is making me miserable. First thing i think about every morning is what I'm going to not eat today☹️I have done WW, fasting, low carb, keto, cabbage soup, low fat, all the diets. I am active, I run, dance, do pilates-unless i totally starve myself and watch every tiny mouthful I go straight back to 12, 1. Week away, all back on. Christmas, birthday, work conference, same thing, back to the same weight. I am sick of it filling my head space all the time. I carry a big chunk of the weight on my belly (just like my mother, who died of breast cancer) which worries me, im pretty slim elsewhere. What is the way forward? Please don't just recommend another diet, I have done them and they make me miserable, thanks for reading x

I'm not really a great believer in all the diets you listed in the early part of your post.
Have you calorie counted?
Try calorie counting for a week to see how many you get through each day and see whether it's over 1800-2000 which is what a female is supposed to have.
If it is try and bring it under that figure. Even if you only cut down to 1500 you'll see a benefit, slowly yes, but it should happen.

Here is an example of what I eat when I'm trying to lose weight.

B - Sachet of Oatso Simple porridge with milk - 250 cals
L - half a tub of soup with croutons - 350 cals
D - fish and broccoli - 400

Snacks during the day might be a Go Ahead bar, fruit, yorgurt, crisps

Re: where to start with weights.
You don't need the gym - at least not at first. But even later on, purchasing your own weights and a cage can end up cheaper than gym membership. Free weights are far better than the machines you get at the gym (which tend to isolate individual muscles which is only really useful for bodybuilders/specific physiotherapy needs. Good free weight exercises will work several areas at once which is far more effecient and effective at improving overall strength) though the technique can be a little harder to master. But free weights are also much more likely to fit in your house somewhere and can be used for far more exercises than a specific piece of gym equipment.
Depending on what your husband has to hand, you may have enough to get going with already! But you're likely to need something a bit heavier - low reps and heavy is good. You'll be amazed at how quickly you can lift heavy things.
It's such an amazing boost to one's self esteem.

My DH is really into it, I can check with him when he's home whether I've relayed all of that correctly! He has a great book (but it's really quite academic!) - practical programming for strength training by Rippetoe and Baker www.amazon.co.uk/Practical-Programming-Strength-Training-Rippetoe/dp/0982522754?tag=mumsnetforum-21
If you google/YouTube any excerise you haven't heard of, there's always a video of somebody doing and explaining it online somewhere!

Come to think of it, starting strength (also Rippetoe) might be a better place to start without getting overwhelmed with designing a perfect programme.
www.amazon.co.uk/Starting-Strength-Basic-Barbell-Training/dp/0982522738/ref=pd_aw_sim_14_1?psc=1&_encoding=UTF8&tag=mumsnetforum-21&refRID=WVZYCCZQWGGPDJD6XFPX

Some people are just heavier, you exercise, don’t drink, eat healthy and it’s been ten years, so maybe this is your perfect body! I’m the same weight and an inch taller but my weight as an adult before and after my son was 9stone and now at 12 stone (from eating crap and not exercising) makes me feel very tired and achy.