Need to lose weight but scared of dieting

[marshmallowkittycat]

I'm over 18 stone and know it's not healthy and that I should probably lose weight. However, I can't deal with the idea of a diet.

My husband has started a diet where he just eats salad or veg and meat. No fat or carbs and we're arguing because he can't understand why I'm not joining in. It scares me. If there is the suggestion of not being able up eat what I want, and denying myself things I panic and want to eat more.

I'm so ashamed of my size but the thought of a diet makes me want to run away.

What do you do when you need to be slimmer but emotionally can't handle dieting? I grew up with some really screwed up messages about food and weight and have always been fat. I just don't know where to start.

You can eat whatever you want as long is it is less calories than you use in day to day life.
Look up a TDEE calculator. Find out how many calories you probably use (because obviously its an average for your weight, height, age and sex) and then eat less than that. If after a month you didn't lose weight eat even less again. Use a calorie counting app to make it easier.

Absolutely no need to cut out fat or carbs or any specific foods.

Ah bless you. What have you eaten so far today?

What does a typical menu look like?

Let us help you

www.eatlikeanormalperson.com/how-to-stop-binge-eating/

Slimming World all the way.
No restrictions on meat, fish, carbs (! 🙌🏼)
You never go hungry. It's the only way I can do it. It works.
Good luck

Try slimming world, very little weighing or measuring just lots of meat,veg,salad, fruit and carbs.
Small amounts of treat foods allowed and normal portion sizes I've lost 3.5 stone so far and Im never hungry.
They do mention things that are laden with sweeteners at group sometimes and do try and push muller lights and fry light but I don't use them and lots of people at my group don't either.

Xpost with violet!

OP some people will find it harder to lose weight than others. No doubt about that. I found Slimming World relatively easy to follow and I've kept the weight off two years on (give or take 3-5kg which I can lose more easily now when the scales creep up).

I think the fact your DH wants to tackle this alongside you is FANTASTIC. You'll have in-house support and encouragement. It's got to be worth doing it.

probably lose weight
Tough love: you should DEFINITELY lose weight. You are carrying the weight of a child around with you every day. The more you panic, the more you are delaying the change.

Put your big girl pants on and make a change - better health, better quality of life, more confidence, less tired...

Why not sign up to a group where they give you set diet plans e.g. WW or SW as others have suggested. Although - your husbands plan sounds pretty good as a starting point - you'd be shocked at how quickly you can lose weight by just cutting carbs and sugar.

What food / foods is it that you are afraid of not being able to eat?

Thanks for the replies. I need a bit of time to think about what I've been told, but I do appreciate it. I'm not in the best state mental health wise at the moment so I'm sorry if I seem a bit pathetic.

I don't know what I'm scared of not being allowed to eat. It's all so irrational but I feel so stupidly paralysed by fear.

It's been suggested by DH that I see the GP but I don't know what she can do.

I will reply to the advice given when my head is a bit clearer

marshmallow, 'diets' are not for you. You need a way of eating what you actually want so that you are not craving something you can't have.
Having a word with your GP or practice nurse might be an idea, and as others have said, look at SW.

Sounds like you need a therapist that deals with eating disorders. The whole "eat less calories" philosophy is not helpful to someone with a bad relationship with food, in fact it can lead to greater issues, as I know all too well.

Can you afford to see someone privately?

It's been suggested by DH that I see the GP but I don't know what she can do.

If you do ask for a referral to tier 3 weight management services - it's not only surgery. If you go to the doctor and don't ask that you'll get given some generic "eat less" advice and nothing to help with the psychological aspect. Tier 3 can do that though, they're often health psychology. I did it and it was great. I didn't manage to lose much weight BUT a) stopped gaining and b) I lost enough that I am no longer eligible for tier 3 weight management (need a BMI over 40 or over 30 with health conditions related to obesity).

PaulHollywood I have just read every available page of that website. Amazing. AMAZING. Thank you so much for posting it.

HTH my love x

I get annoyed when I see posters like those above saying "come and do SW, you can eat what you like, no restrictions etc"

BS I say! it's total BS! I've tried it 3 times. Didn't lose much.

Yes you can eat meat....but it needs to be very lean meat. The type that has little to no taste to it.

You need to limit your bread intake, your milk and cheese intake.

Some foods are only 'free' up to a certain amount, then you have to include it in your 'syn' allowance.

You can't eat as much chocolate as you like.

If you hate pasta like I do, you are not going to have much success. You also need to make about half of your plate fruit or veg.

Flopsyandjim - I think you are misconstruing the sense of the posts about SW. I think posters say you can eat everything because NOTHING is off limits. Some things will be very restricted indeed regarding portion size. If they weren't then there'd be no change in intake and silly to expect any change in size.

Flopsy of course you can't eat unlimited amounts of all foods on any healthy eating plan or it wouldn't be healthy and you wouldn't lose weight
You have to make changes and limit certain foods however some diets are much more restrictive than others regarding portions and what you can eat but obviously you have to be sensible.
As for lean meat being tasteless I think you need to change your butcher or maybe some cooking lessons.

I've had a lot of issues with food...I currently weigh a similar amount to you op.i was a lot lighter from living of soup and salad,but over the course of 3 years it all slowly went back on.i too have tried sw many many times...I'm vegan.and I've never lost weight on slimming world...the whole free food ...unlimited potatos ...pasta I ate and ate ,had no control....ww I used my points on countless packets of crisps...as soon as I was told to do xyz I did abc...so I seemed to deliberately sabotage things...mentally I've not been in the right place to diet either,3 yrs of getting fatter and feeling so out of control that I couldn't stop it...I struggle to cope with to many things,so I had to wait untill things were fairly stable at home to attempt a change in eating...certainly if my dh had demanded I join him on a diet I would of stocked upon Pringles ....try to eat sensibly untill you feel ready to tackle it...I'm keeping an eye on calories,eating 3 meals a day of food I like.and taking some exercise.it seems to be enough..bit like the story of the tortoise and the hare....when it came to weight loss I always had to be the hare...now I realise for long term success I must become the tortoise.xx good luck xx

I bet you are an emotional eater hence panic at the idea of restricting your crutch / addiction.

Try this quiz

Have a listen to nutritionist Laura Thomas’ podcast ‘Don’t salt my game’ - it’s all about intuitive eating and health at every size. I had a real lightbulb moment listening to her.

You really don’t need to go on a ‘diet’. You just need to learn some tools to help to list to your own intuition about what to eat and how much. It sort of boils down to eat when your hungry until you’re just about full and try to choose foods which will make you feel good most of the time. Not that scary really