BigMoFos Week 49

[JackieNo]

New thread (we're almost up to a whole year of threads now).

Thanks for such a long and thoughtful message WWB.

You were much missed when you were away - not just on Big Mo Fos - I saw people asking where you were all over the place!

Yes, I am a little bit down. Not as bad as I was in the depths of winter though.

But, perversely (sp?) its my relationship with Mumsnet thats doing my head in a little bit, not particularly anything else! Oh, apart from the extra 2 stone, but that's always there, hanging around, like a bit of a haze around me. As I get older I get more and more interested in why I allow this weight situation to continue. I know what I have to do to get it off, I know it won't kill me, I know my life won't be transformed if I do get it off but I will find buying clothes and getting dressed in the morning easier and maybe feel a little bit more energetic and positive about myself - SO WHAT EXACTLY ARE THE SUBCONSCIOUS MESSAGES I'M SENDING MYSELF TELLING ME THAT IT'S BETTER TO BE 2 STONE OVERWEIGHT THAN A REASONABLE WEIGHT?

I'm clued up enough to know that its all about the way I'm thinking. So how to get in touch with that?

Truly a conundrum. I'm all discombobulated. But not ready to give up yet! Lol!

I think perhaps I should stick around for a while and teach myself a thing or two about willpower by not getting sucked into the dark side of Mnet!

I'll read back through the last 2 weeks threads now, to see how everyone is.

After all, this is about all of us collectively isn't it?

DaphneHarvey - WWB has said exactly what I would say too (but much better).

I'm struggling with actually losing anything too and have decided to do a fresh start with some of the others that feel the same way, and some that have had a bit of a break from posting weights. You absolutely are good enough for this thread - please, please don't stop talking to us because of feeling like that. And actually posting weights is completely optional - you can just stick around and chat.

Jackie.

You see, lovely people on here. So why is there such a bunch of harridans out in the wider Mumsnet world? Don't get it!

I love a bit of feistiness, me, and fighting your corner and defending your pov.

But am depressed by every other thread descending into a slanging match or bun fight.

Perhaps I'm just not particularly clued up on internet etiquette!

But both of you WWB and JN have made me smile tonight, so that's fab.

It can definitely be a bit weird out there at the moment - I stick to the style threads and this one, mostly, with occasional forays elsewhere, but resolutely refuse to join in the ones that look as if they're going to get heated. Not what I'm here for. (mind you, I regularly type messages that I then don't post, chickening out).

Oh, it's definitely weird at the moment. Some kind of mass PMT or something! Maybe it feels worse, though, because you feel down - I know it always does for me. Things take on more resonance and feel more personal somehow when I'm depressed.

I ventured onto a thread today which ended up with me feeling really hurt and upset ... but it's my frame of mind that did it; if I were 100% I'd have given as good as I got. Although if I were 100% I wouldn't have felt so upset by it. Maybe stick to the lighter hearted threads for a while and see how it goes.

Right, I've just read this thread all the way through and before I say anything else I just must say to Dotty that 28lb is absolutely f*ing bloody brilliant, forget the 50lbs Dotty for a moment, honestly, you have lost 2 stone. That is so impressive, please please don't somehow make that into a negative! How would you feel if you were 28lb on instead of 28lb off!?

Listen to yourself woman! What an amazing thing you have done, not that being thinner has anything to do with being a better person (not what I belive at all) but you have set yourself a goal and you are over half way there. And its difficult and you have done that ... give yourself a big pat on the back right now, please.

And I know there are other people on here who have done something similar - well done, one and all.

I do hope you'll decide to stay with us, DH. My average weightloss with the MoFos has been something like 1lb a month so you're certainly not alone with small losses. I also have a tendency to lose weight one week, stay the same the next and then put it back on the following week so I'm only getting there veeeery slowly.

MN breaks can be a good thing. I had a break of about 2 weeks and feel so much better for it. I'd found myself getting really wound up by certain threads and attitudes and it was just adding to my stress levels rather than reducing them.

I've had a bad week (or so I thought) have felt very out of control and not felt like posting much and weighing this morning I discover I have stayed the same when I was convinced I would have put on. Now I feel like such an idiot that I have been over-eating all week becasue I was depressed about bodging my "new start"! What a pillock.

So what I'm going to do is... go back to weighing myself at Boots today (now that I'm back in work as I think its more accurate and feels more "important" if you know what I mean) and start again today.

DH to address your original post "I don't deserve to be on here...I'm not addicted to food". I won't reiterate whats already been sadi (all of which I agree with) but none of us had to earn the right to be here with any particular feat of food addictiveness(!) or massive weight or anything else. We have always left it to each individual to decide whether they felt this was an appropriate thread for them and whether they had something to contribute and something to gain. WWB and I started it for those of us who were extremely overweight but very quickly realised that it wasn't the amount people had to lose but their attitude. We wanted this to be a safe place for people who felt desparately insecure about their weight and to not have people wittering about having to lose 10 lbs because they couldn't fit into their size 10 bikinis. (Am I rambling yet?)

I like being able to come on here and share that I feel depressed about my current inability to control my eating knowing that I won't get facile "eat less, exercise more" answers. If you want to be a part of that we are very happy to have you, you don;t need to "qualify" - its not the Olympics!

Ah yes. I remember those oh-so-helpful "Just eat less and exercise more" threads. Can't imagine why we didn't think of doing that.

I think my scales might be a bit dodgy too. I don't think I've done all that much differently this week (not helped by still having left-over Easter eggs in the house) so I expected to have either stayed the same or maybe lost 1lb. According to my scales I've lost 3lbs.

I'll go with that weight for now but will see what happens next week.

Can I join in please? I need to lose quite a bit of weight from being generally curvaceous and then getting PG. Had a MC recently and although I didn't mind looking very PG when I wasn't much, am blowed if am going to when I ain't. Trouble is, I am kinda obbsessive/compulsive about food and I find it so hard to maintain any diet.
So can I join your thread please? Am getting v down about it on my own and feel a bit shit.

Just out of interest? Which are the 'shouty' MN threads? I have only been on the MC ones and everyone is lovely there.

Ohh ... these days almost any MN thread can get shouty; permanent mass-PMT, I think! The ones that always, always end up with mudslinging tend to be those where everyone has a strong view but won't listen to someone whose views may not be the same as theirs - so breast v formula feeding, SAHM v WOTH, Fruit Shoot as an acceptable form of refreshment, that kind of thing. But there's something in the ether at the moment, and almost any subject can turn into a full-on scrap. Which is fine as long as you remember to grab your hard hat and riot shield, and not take any of it too personally!

You are more than welcome to join us - many of us will be nodding in recognition when you say you are obsessive/compulsive about food. That's partly why the threads were started - because we all understand that it's not just about eating less and moving more. As Sue said, we originally wanted somewhere for people with a lot of weight to lose because we felt we didn't fit in on threads where people called themselves heifers because they were 7lb overweight - but as time has gone on we've realised that what we all have in common, and what we are all battling with, is more the emotional stuff than simply our need to lose weight.

Afternoon ladies

Haven't been posting much lately with the run up to the wedding and not posted this week cos i have overeaten massivly.

Been out for a chinese buffet(all you can eat) had indian carry out,wine,southern comfort and baileys.I am almost too frightened to go to Scottish Slimmers tonight because i will have put on so much

All my friends and family have said it won't matter this once cos it's been like my honeymoon week but every day i get up i do the "right must be good today and get into my healthy eating again" and within an hour i amj munching on something i know i shouldn't.I don't know how to get back to how i was before the wedding.At this rate i will gain back the 3st i have lost since November.I know it's my problem and i need to fix it but god knows how i will do it

Don't be frightened to go to SS. Go, get weighed, get it over and done with, and then start afresh. I always found with slimming clubs that if I didn't go because I thought I'd gained, it was the beginning of the end. I'd tell myself I'd go the following week, would try really hard ... then come the following week, I'd be scared I hadn't lost the weight I'd gained the week before, so I wouldn't go. And that would be that - I'd never go back again.

I know how hard it is, but you've done too well to throw it away over a couple of bad weeks.

I'll bet that the damage isn't as bad as you think it is. And even if it is - so what? It's done now, you can't undo it. So go to the weigh in, come and have a little rant or a cry about what you've put on, and then look to the future.

You still want to do this, yes? Think about all the reasons why. Think about how much you've lost, go and weigh it out in soup cans if you can. Physically feel how much weight you've lost. It's surprisingly motivational to feel that weight for yourself.

And be nice to yourself, don't beat yourself up over a few pounds gained.

(Bloody hell, I don't half bang on, don't I!)

well interestingly I have lost 5lb from this morning at home with no clothes on to lunchtime in Boots (obviously with clothes on) so thats how accurate my scales are!

I will send this weight off today and this should be my restart weight. I assume I can keep a record somewhere of what I actually started at so I can eventually look back at total loss over the whole time? I kept all my Boots printouts from the beginning but they were in my purse that I lost last month .

My initial target is to lose 9lbs so I can get below the next stone mark.

and I agree with WWB - much better to grit your teeth and go back. It will make things much easier for you next week. G'wan g'wan g'wan.

Sue, I have a record from the start if you want that - I haven't updated any of the cards yet from the time I was away but the other dates are there.

Thanks wigwambam that's exactly how I feel - I have struggled with my weight it seems - ooh, all my life - and I really envy people who can just feel something's a bit tight and just lose a few pounds. With me it's SUCH an emotional issue. Trouble is I'm a bit all-or-nothing about it - anyone got any advice for a way of maintaining moderate eating rather than crash diet/binge?

Have decided not to weigh in. Just can't seem to get my head into gear. Now I'm back at work I have been able to stick to a healthy breakfast and lunch but am still pigging out at night. It's how I reward myself for having a stressful job! We usually have patty and chips on a Saturday and a takeaway pizza on a Wednesday and I've cut those out. It's just very small steps for me at the moment. It's good to be able to share my thoughts on here because it's the only place I'm really honest about what I eat. I have to try and be positive: At my lightest I was 10 stone (13 years ago and when I see pictures now I look skeletal) and at my heaviest just over 20 stone. I now weigh 18st 4.

Small steps is good, ChipButty. More manageable somehow than trying to do everything at once. Not weighing is fine too.

Ellie, I think it's hard to do anything until you have the emotional stuff under control. I have found that talking about it on these threads has been helpful to me - I have started to understand where a lot of my food issues come from, which has helped hugely. Have had a major blip recently but am trying to get myself back on track now.

Thanks WWB and Sue

You are right of course and i will go.You obviously all know here about the "out of control" eating we can all do which is how i feel atm.I really hate when my stick insect s-i-l says "just be motivated" Eh i say wtf would she bloody know?

I looked and felt great on my wedding day last week and i feel pants now.There are pics on my July 2006 post natal thread.I had to email them to her cos i am really thick about that stuff.If you want to see i could email them to someone here? If you don't mind and want to see them i mean.Oh god thats really forward isn't it.

WWB i haven't done the weight in soup cans but i try to remember i have lost more than dd1 weighs and i couldn't carry her for half an hour never mind all day.

Only good thing is i am going with my nice friend tonight and not the one who puts us down for gaining etc.

Anyhow must go unload the dishwasher and other boring stuff

My problem is that I hate myself for saying I'm going to do something and then not doing it! But I see a lot of us here are in the same boat.

I'm just wondering if for me I need to have a break from saying (out loud, or just to myself) that I'm going to lose weight. Then I get a break from the weekly sense of disappointment in myself when I step on the scales.

Perhaps I should forget about it and find something else entirely to engross myself in, something positive, productive, creative etc. Like getting to grips with my garden or sorting out the clutter in my house, or working more ... or whatever.

I've been on and off this thread for months and managed to lose 1lb!

This is what I mean by not deserving to be here. I don't think my "attitude" is right.
My attitude is very negative at the moment (although I did have a successful clothes shopping trip today, thanks to marvellous Style advice from JackieNo). That's cheered me up no end.

Stick-insects know nothing about out-of-control eating. Did you see in Heat magazine (yes, I know; it was my sister's) that Victoria Beckham has decided to put a bit of weight on, and wants to gain ... wait for it ... three pounds? Any one of us could put that on with just one blow-out.

"Just be motivated" works when you have half a stone to lose. It's easy to "just be motivated" when it's only going to take three or four weeks to get to your ideal weight. It's a lot harder when you are looking at a long-term, sustained weight loss - it's a different prospect altogether.

I'd love to see your wedding pics, can you put some on your profile? Would be great if we could all see them and tell you together how fabulous you look. And it was only a couple of weeks ago, so you can't look any less fabulous now.

DH, none of us here on this thread have an attitude that is "right". That's why we're here, and that's what we're trying to address. And that's why you fit in perfectly well here.

Stay away from the scales for a bit if you think it would help you to feel better about yourself, but do keep talking on the thread. If we can help or support you in any way, you know that we will.

And indeed I have, WWB. Put on 3lb in one longish blow-out, that is . Maybe Mrs B would like to send her dh round here to learn how she too could be like me.