a bit fed up I will have to be "on a diet" forever?

[CoffeeTaste]

I just like my food I guess. One of life's (few?) unadulterated pleasures?

I eat fairly reasonably, and healthily. But if I ate what I wanted I think I'd probably be a size 18 or so.

I have to be quite "careful" to stay a 14-16 and I'm past menopause so I have to be even more careful. I can't really exercise either because of a health condition.

I don't believe in "diets" as I think they encourage disordered eating and body image issues. But to eat modestly (apart from occasional treats) is a life-time discipline it seems to me. Others' thoughts?

Yes, it's a life time discipline. My only answer is to put food back in its box. It's only fuel. Fetishising food means that you will forever feel denied.

I've known my SIL 10 years. She has gone from someone who enjoys cooking and socialising around food to being obsessed with her next meal, and the one after that, and the one after that. Needless to say she is very fat and very unhappy.

thanks paq.

and interesting what you say about your SIL. in what way is she obsessed with food? does she go on 'diets' or just eat lots all the time? has she become anti-social?

It is difficult I'm the same. I don't weigh myself but my clothes can get really uncomfortable quickly, on holiday for example. What I have found helps is drinking water at least 1.5 litres per day. And really restricting carbs, but I can't go too low as then have no energy. I am for about 40 g per day.

I agree, it's bloody annoying. I love cooking and baking, but I rarely do either (other than general daily meal cooking if you know what I mean!), because I do not have the willpower to stop myself eating what I bake. I made flapjacks with DS a couple of weeks ago, and he didn't like them, so I literally ate half the batch in one sitting. I fluctuate from a happy size 12, where I need to really seriously watch what I eat and exercise loads, to a size 16 where I feel uncomfortable and fat. Argh!!

SIL finds it hard to imagine pleasure in anything other than food. It's her default thought. She talks about it all the time. She consistently underestimates how much she eats. Every occasion is an excuse to "treat" herself.

If she plans a day out the timetable is set by morning coffee, lunch and afternoon tea.

She doesn't go anywhere that she isn't positive she'll enjoy the food.

If her son comes to visit she meticulously plans meals but puts no thought into outings or anything else.

Being late for a meal is a disaster. A substandard meal is a disaster.

She lives alone and yet has two freezers full of food in the garage.

It doesn't give her pleasure anymore because she knows she's fat and unhealthy. She can only wear a fraction of her wardrobe and that makes her sad. She used to love shopping for clothes but she doesn't do that any more.

She was relatively normal 10 years ago, it gets worse every year and no one knows how to help her.

I feel you OP! I was effortlessly thin until my mid-twenties, when a combination of lifestyle change and (I imagine) plain old age caught up with me and I've only really recently started to get on top of it. Like you Chester my clothes start to really dig in when I let my hair down on holiday and it takes me ages to lose even a small gain. My MIL watches her weight very closely with the result that she looks very youthful and very slim in her 70s, but I do sometimes wonder if my will power will see me through the next 40 years, especially as it only gets harder!

I do so miss having an effortlessly stable weight.

How extremely sad paq. I've never known anyone with a food addiction like that but anecdotally, it seems to be on the increase. I suspect it's relatively recent too.

I think about this a lot. Have followed SW for 13 years and find it great for keeping weight in check. I eat differently (lots) at the weekends and enjoy the way we eat generally. But sometimes I think about whether we will still be eating the same way when we are 80! I kind of assume that at some point I'll stop giving a shit what I look like and just go for it!

Come and join us on the NoS thread! No snacks sweets or seconds excepts for days beginning with S ie weekends and special days like birthdays. It is not a diet in the traditional sense, its more about forming good habits and a good relationship with food for life. Weight loss is slow but I have been following it for 11 months now and am 2 stone lighter. Its fab because you get to the weekend and can have a few treats. There's a kindle book and also loads of information on the NoS website.

Your posts made me smile/nod in recognition esp. Sunny's last remark!

I don't think it bothered me so much when I was younger - even though I dieted sometimes and was never what you'd call skinny. However, I was working and busy and maybe more focused on other things.

I can actually "cook" now and I love cakes but like One2 never bake them - except may be special occasion where I can share with people - otherwise I just eat most of it myself :-/. I never even watch programmes like BakeOff (how are so many of them so slim it never ceases to amaze me).

I think I am in a period of adjustment to try and find what works for me, and taking in paq's earlier comment about putting food in its correct place.

(Its interesting holidays are mentioned - it made me think that when I was younger holidays were about 'being on holiday' and not 'eating more because I'm on holiday' IYKWIM. (Possibly I ate less - sardines on the beach anyone?)

I wonder the same. I lost almost a stone last year and gave kept it off, and am pretty slim now. However, I've been monitoring my calories on MFP since march 1016 and am terrified to stop in case the weight goes on again. It feels a bit disordered to do it all the time.

I did 4 months dieting in early 2017 and thought I can't keep this crazy up fishon so I know where you're coming from I think. There was alot of effort in the dieting, my age probably, but I didn't lose all that much and I could hardly notice it. As I said, I thought I can't keep this craziness up, it was affecting my whole life! I think I was doing some kind of "Paleo/semi-intermittent" thing at the time.

I was reading stuff online at the time, and "12 Paleo Myths" by Matt Stone and "The Perfection Myth" by Madelyn Moon and a few things clicked about how dieting doesn't (really) work, but whats the alternative?

Anyway, I think thats where I was coming from starting this thread ...

I take a lot of meds which I think has slowed my metabolism- I think I will always have to watch my weight unfortunately

As someone who has struggled with my weight for a long time in the past, I have finally come to realise that you really have to start enjoying eating healthy food and getting a much out of feeling slim and fit. Now when I eat rubbish, or junk I feel sore and bloated for a few days and crave getting back to normal eating. I'm so glad that this finally clicked with me a couple of years ago as up until then I wondered, like you, if this was it, if I'd have to 'diet' forever! Went on holidays for a month this year and actually lost more weight as I walked most mornings for 30 minutes (briskly) and ate healthily (salads, grilled meat and fish etc) lots of fruit, and drank alcohol as my treat instead of eating the usual holiday rubbish. I can honestly say that I had the best holiday ever as I didn't end up feeling bloated and self conscious on the beach by the end of it! So, in summary, I think it needs to be a whole sustainable approach to life, rather than radical yo yo diets and fads.

I feel your pain. When I took my foot off the gas for a while a couple of years back I very quickly went up to a 14 from a 10/12.

I'm back to a 10/12 now but, cripes, it's relentless. I have to obsessively count calories and steps and I'm getting to the point where I think I'm a bit disordered - and I'm not even slim.

I dread getting a job because I won't be able to fit my routines in....

I've been counting calories for years-since I went to Uni and got caught up in the diet and fitness craze of the early 80s.

I'm not particularly strict, and I don't starve, but for me it's 1200 cals a day for ever.

I've had a bottle of Bailey's for my birthday and it's sitting in the fridge, taunting me. I know I won't be able to resist it for long....

I envy those who appear to be "effortlessly slim" but, on closer inspection, I'm not sure there's such a thing!

I just do loads of exercise so I don't have to diet.

bugger I really was effortlessly slim until I was 25 or so, and I do spend a fair bit of time trying to riddle out how I did it and what changed. I'm lucky that I've never had a crazy sweet tooth so although I used to mindlessly chomp through crap in a way I never would now when it fell into my path, it's never been a vice. I think it came down to two things:

• Basic activity levels: before I moved in with DH I would frequently leave the house in the morning and just keep going until about midnight. Not exactly out dancing or anything, but on the go; nowadays I often work from home, socialise tons less, and without a conscious (recent) effort on my part, I slipped into a habit of probably averaging about 4,000 steps a day, whereas before I was probably getting 10 most days just because that was my life.

• And the big one: booze. I sometimes get confused about this because I used to spend so much time out at the pub with friends in aforementioned evenings and now I've become boring reined it in a lot, but my socialising now - even though I try to keep it weekend-based only - almost always involves not, or barely leaving the house (to go to someone else's house, or a local pub); and all my socialising involves sitting, drinking, and usually eating with it. When I think about my youthful evenings out, I just don't remember meals being a factor: I might scarf a sandwich whilst walking to the pub and a couple of bag of crisps or a plate of chips might appear on the table but proper meals just weren't a concern, and that's probably after a rubbish lunch too. I'd barely even consider going out with a friend without food being part of the plan these days. (I'd get hangry, and get way too drunk )

Also back then a glass of wine wasn't my default relaxation setting like it is now: even if I were taking myself out for a nice afternoon treat it used to sometimes be a piece of cake and a lemonade at the naice cafe round the corner. I was always skint back then and living with friends who'd pinch anything in the fridge, so I never kept wine in the house. I got into the bad habit after moving in with DH of pouring a glass of wine whilst I was cooking dinner every evening, which I've had to seriously stamp on! Those dinners didn't help either - going from eating toast for dinner at midnight to huge pasta bakes and things made me balloon. (I discovered my inner Head Chef once I had a peaceful kitchen and a grateful audience )

So yeah, I'm sure age and metabolism played a part, but it just goes to show that a few ill-considered lifestyle changes can have a huge impact. It's annoying that I have to now do things consciously (5:2, FitBit, carb-free meals, dry weekdays) whereas before I somehow just blundered along and stayed slim, but there you go.

You may find something of interest in the following OP: www.samharris.org/podcast/item/what-should-we-eat

Quimreaper, I think you've nailed some of the reasons.. I was the same, went out with friends but never considered food.. used to get home at whatever time and have a couple of bits of toast after a night out! And no breakfast, probably a sarnie for lunch. In my twenties I ate once a day usually. Often it was total rubbish (McDonalds etc) but if you calorie counted it probably came in at 1000-1200 cals a day. I always skipped breakfast and rarely had dinner (maybe a bowl of cereal) and was always on the go. I was horrified if I ever got to 9 stone! I'm now a size 16, desperately unhappy about it, perimenopause probably and really struggling to shift it. Bad ingrained habits have caught up with me, it all changed when I got married I suppose with the cooking of proper evening meals, glass of wine whilst cooking etc etc.. wish I could get back the habits of my 25 year old self.

This is probably terrible advice but it's what works for me - I've maintained my weight loss (lost 4 stone 3 years ago) by over indulging at weekends. I'm very strict Monday - Friday (although I usually have a few glasses of wine and 2 slices of a take away pizza on Friday nights).

I had BBQ's most Saturday evenings over the summer, as well as wine. Then a Sunday roast the next day.
On Mondays - Wednesday I'd eat much less. I don't calorie count but probably around 1,200 calories. I'm always too full and feel horrible after over indulging at the weekend anyway. Plus I'm tiny (5ft 2 or 3 so don't need as much food as taller people).

I also go for longish brisk walks maybe 4 days a week.

It means I get to be slim, and have weekends to look forward to when I feel like I'm depriving myself during weekdays. I feel like I've the best of both worlds.

I should say that I wasn't able to have weekend blow outs while I was losing the weight though. It's only for maintaining, not losing.

But yes you're right. It is something we need to do for the rest of our lives.

I think, unfortunately, Coffee, you are right. And i think that's why these extreme diets like Lighter Life don't work long term. I know someone who did LL - she went from being large to very slim (size 10) but I've seen her recently and she's put the weight back on again. I also don't know anyone who's successfully maintained weight loss following the 5:2 diet.

I also have friend who manages weight loss through Weight Watchers - she gets to say a size 12-14, feels she needs to loose weight and then does a few weeks of WW and manages to slim back down to a size 10. I envy her ability to do that - I am crap at diets!

Quim, like you I was effortlessly slim up till my my mid 20s. I started putting on weight gradually after I left college. The difference in my case was lack of exercise. I had a car, whereas before I'd walked everywhere. When I lived at home I cycled everywhere. I still try to exercise when I can, obviously, but it's not the same as when i had to walk everywhere.

I've been reading a bit of Matt Stone too. He's definitely on to something.

I'm quite lucky, in that I've only ever got a bit overweight, so I've not been on the diet cycle much. Since having children my weight has fluctuated a bit. I am trying to let it go and see what my set point is and I've put on a few kilos. I've not measured my body temperature for a while. I should start checking that again.

If you can't exercise, can you just try to generally move more? I don't do formal exercise, I just tend to avoid chairs, walk a lot and do a bit of callisthenics.

Unfortunately, I think you are right though. If you want to fit into the idealised image it is hard, more so as you get older, to do that and not diet. The outliers are the ones that, in our cultural/food environment, can get away with not thinking about it.

"Outlier" interesting word ... I had to look that up dontask.

I think I am going to toddle along with my ok-healthy eating and try to put 'diets' out of my mind and put it in its correct perspective. But I also know that somewhere at the back of my mind I just don't want to get bigger than a size 16 (and ideally I'd be a 14) especially with regard to clothes-wearing.

Perhaps I could become more of an "Outlier", so would presumable not care. I am in many other ways...

It is quite hard watching my weight slowly go up. I keep crossing my fingers that it is about to stop. I don't want to have to buy a new wardrobe.

I keep faith because I know I am healthy. It makes it easier for me that I am still mainly wearing size 12 clothes. I have a reasonable diet, I move a lot and I'm quite strong nowadays. I also feel better than I have in a while. Less brain fog and less anxiety.

I certainly no longer believe that size is an indicator of health (or success). Hopefully one day everyone else will catch up.