How to cope with self hatred?

[Gemi33]

Hi All

I'm not actually sure that there is anything anyone can suggest but I hope that writing things down might help. I have been experiencing various medical issues and other stress since the beginning of the year and as a result have put on a lot of weight. I am now the heaviest I have ever been despite countless diets. I feel so low about how I look and I know this should motivate be to lose weight but instead it just makes me feel so low and hopeless and then I just spiral down and lose all belief I can lose weight. I am really anxious about seeing someone I haven't seen for several months because I know they will be shocked at how I look so I am avoiding it for that reason even though I would love to see him. I feel I am stuck in this miserable cycle and I don't know how to deal with hating myself and use it to motivate me - does anyone have any suggestions how to deal with these feelings more positively?

xx

Oh love, so many of us have felt like this. I'm sorry to hear you've been having a difficult year.

I lost about 5 stone 5 years ago by joining a mumsnet thread and am now on another trying to lose 2 stone I have since put on. We're all different and need to find our own way to lose weight . I tried a hypnosis app which weirdly seemed to work and then calorie counting with mfp with support from lovely mumsnetters.

There are various reasons why I overate and it took time to really understand why and then address that. There's a thread here at the moment about what stops people from losing weight, I'd recommend you read it and see if anything resonates with you and get your own plan to lose weight. I don't know if you need to see the doctor?

In the mean time be kind to yourself, give yourself a confidence boost by new hair, makeup. I used to buy nice branded clothes second hand on eBay as I didn't want to waste money on new clothes I didn't want to wear for long.

Or join one of the threads and chat to supportive people.

Hugs.

Thank you so much for such a kind reply. I am just so frustrated with myself that I can feel so terrible about myself but can't do anything about it, what is wrong with me?!

xx

I don't know, but we've all been there. I feel like I've come out the other side and so don't want to sound smug / patronising. I 'only' need to lose half a stone to have a good bmi but want to be lower to look how I feel I look my best. Today has been the hardest since I started my diet again two and a half weeks ago and I have been really hungry all day.

Have you tried exercise, perhaps just starting with a walk? It's supposed to be great at lifting your mood not that I would know I always get caught in that vicious circle where I won't exercise until I've lost weight.

Would it help if you set a date to see the man you mention in two or three weeks time to give yourself a deadline to start a mini makeover? Or get tickets for an event in a few weeks time to give you longer? The ladies on the style and beauty board might advise you on clothes / styles / makeup that suits you so you don't feel so much pressure to lose weight and you can feel happy as you are.

He doesn't live locally and that's probably part of the problem, I think I feel pressure because I don't know when he might turn up and I look terrible, I'm so embarrassed.

You sound like you have done so well, well done! I think you're right about the exercise and I'm a bit like you in that I feel more motivated once I've lost weight. Work is also so busy right now that I struggle to fit it in but I know you're right. I think calorie counting is probably the thing that has worked the best for me in the past so I just need to get my head in the right place...easy as that!

xx