How do you get HIM to lose weight?

[soph1976]

Am on a bit of a diet after having DD as breastfeeding leaves me so hungry I've been hoovering up everything in sight and put on quite a bit. Don;t want to have to spend a fortune on new clothes so really trying to shift the weight. My more long term problem is: how do I get DH to lose weight too? I feel really conscious of my weight gain and uncomfortable, but over the last 3 years or so, he's put on loads of weight and doesn't seem to care. Or rather, he's noticed it but doesn't care enough to do anything about it. I encouraged him to join a gym last year so he joined and then never went. Not even once. Bit of a waste of £600 I thought, but tried not to make too much of an issue of it. If it ever does come up, he'll make me feel guilty for mentioning it by going on about how stressful his work is, how exhausted he is, etc etc, so I just drop it. However, now DD is 8 weeks he's starting to ask when I'm going to want to resume normal bedroom activity, and the honest answer is, I just don't, because I don't really fancy him that much at the moment.
Am I being ridiculously shallow here, or is it OK to expect him to want to make himself attractive to me? If so, what can I do about it?

i wouldnt say you're being shallow. i noticed with exp, he just couldnt be bothered to make an effort for me at all. i think when men generally are in a permanent relationship they feel like they dont have to make an effort. we're currently trying to bring up this issue with my brother. he's only 16 and weighs about 15/16 stone!! and its such a delicate issue. how about trying to go to a gym together if someone could look after dd, or say as you are losing weight you would like it if he did it with you for support or something like that. sorry not much help

I will watch this thread with interest...

I'm trying to get dh to do my diet with me but he won't. He says he can lose his weight any time he wants!! On an evening he helps himself to treats such as chocolate and ice cream and brings me low-fat things like my WW carrot cake or snackajacks, or a fab lolly, to prove that he's supporting me!

I don't really mind that he's eating nice stuff when I can't (or choose not to), but he's 15 and a half stone, only 28 and got a bit of a pot belly, what will he be like at 40?!

ooo i just had a thought. if you do the food shopping, just buy everything low fat or those weightwatcher meal or something, and then he'll be on a diet without even realising

a link ... here

I put "what worked for us" on that

good luck - this is a vast generalisation, but I suspect it may be harder for men than us

Problem is I know I wouldn't like it much if he started telling me I needed to lose weight,so it's hard to get the msg across without being tactless. On the other hand, he really doesn't seem to think he needs to lose it at all!
I do the food shopping and have stopped buying biscuits/chocolate etc. His response to this last night was to raid DS's sweetie box and then, when I told him off, he said "Is this what I work all day for? To be told I can't eat what I like in my own house?"
Babysteffee, re your husband, mine IS 40 and has only put on weight (never lost any) the whole time I've known him. He's gone from lovely solid hunk of manhood to the physique of a tellytubby in 7 years!

I've vaguely wondered this with my dp too. Trouble is, blokes are so much less body-conscious. Which is refreshing, but sometimes galling.

I love binkie (will email you btw!)'s tips about compliments from other women. I suppose I could offer frequent, enthusiastic sex as a sweetener...

Not much help here I'm afraid, but possibly some hope.

I've wanted my dh to eat more healthily and lose some weight for ages, but I knew "me wanting it" wasn't enough ... he needed to want to himself, to be motivated to do it himself. Anyway this year he decided to. He's actually joined WeightWatchers, and goes to the gym 3 times a week. He's lost 32.5 lbs in 8 weeks, which is fantastic. He's made a complete lifestyle change, and is determined not to go back

I joined the gym as it was that or buy a new wardrobe and after about a month got dh to join by saying how good it was and mentioning that we couldn't afford to buy him a new wardrobe either.
Once some of the weight dropped off and he realised how good he looked and felt he won't go back.
Good luck.