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How do you avoid office cake culture?
26

ElphabaTheGreen · 02/11/2016 15:23

My office is an absolute bugger for cake, sweets, biscuits, chocolate, baked goods etc etc. We have a designated area in the office on top of a filing cabinet for stuff people bring in, and there's rarely a day goes by that it isn't stocked with something calorific. In the event that it's empty, we have an emergency chocolate supply cupboard, which gets routinely re-stocked by anyone who goes on mat leave, changes jobs, gifts from patients (yes, we're bloody NHS staff not following dietary guidelines Blush). Every Friday is 'Cake Friday' where we all sit down to lunch together and there is a rota set up for two people, each week, to bring in cakes.

It's fucking wonderful dire.

I would never be such a stick in the mud to suggest curbing it, as my issue with being incapable of leaving anything on offer alone is just that - my issue.

So how do I leave it alone?? Any suggestions? My willpower is crap. I never, ever buy anything like that for home because I could never eat it in moderation, but it's at my face level all day, every day in work. I'm pretty good at keeping out of the emergency chocolate but the stuff that's easily grabbable is killing me.

What do I dooooooo?!

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HateMrTumble · 02/11/2016 15:58

You leave your job. And give it to me, it sounds like everyday heaven.

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VoyageOfDad · 02/11/2016 16:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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PinkiePiesCupcakes · 02/11/2016 16:02

I'd also leave, not because I want your job, but I'm a stick in the mud.

Fuck off. Expecting me to biuy cakes for every other shit bag in an office just because some dippy fuck with thinks its a good idea. Bollox. If I want to buy cakes I will, shove your rota up your fucking arse you entitled and expectant pieces of shit. My money is needed for my bills, not to fill your faces with sugary shit. Cunts.

I'm popular Grin

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Mummamayhem · 02/11/2016 16:05

I have a similar problem, it's so annoyingly tempting and I am incapable of eating 'just one' of anything...only thing that works is not having anything, not looking/thinking and absolutely don't have 'just one'

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Flanderspigeonmurderer · 02/11/2016 16:05

Can you just stick to cake Friday and have a small slice. That way you have a little treat to look forward to. Can you put some of your own snacks in the cupboard? Nuts, fruit?

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reader77 · 02/11/2016 16:09

Have a good breakfast and take in protein rich snacks so you're not peckish.

Or convince yourself the sweet stuff has poo as a main ingredient. Grin

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FrickOnAStick · 02/11/2016 16:37

Your colleagues are double dippers with spitty fingers who don't wash their hands post loo.

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littlerose12345 · 02/11/2016 16:39

Wowzers, sounds like your office is a bit OTT on the cakes!

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ElphabaTheGreen · 02/11/2016 17:34

You're all so helpful, especially pinkiepies Grin

I do the high protein, nuts as snacks thing. I just end up eating both. I also try desperately to keep to one small slice on a Friday, but then all the left-over trick or treats turned up on Tuesday...box of Quality Street from the grateful patient on the Monday...

Sadly they're not double dippers with wee on their fingers. We've all got permanent dermatitis on our hands from the amount we wash them because of infection control.

Envisioning poo (and maybe skin flakes from the dermatitis) as a key ingredient is pretty much the path I think I'll have to head down.

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oldlaundbooth · 02/11/2016 17:36

Can you say you are pre diabetic and need to monitor your sugar levels?

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ElphabaTheGreen · 02/11/2016 17:38

'Glutton intolerant' VoyageofDad? That would make me intolerant of myself. Especially when I see my arse in a mirror

Can't really use the 'pre-diabetic' excuse. It's not other people shoving crap in my face - just me and my complete lack of restraint.

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ChuckGravestones · 02/11/2016 17:47

Can you give yourself a sticker chart? A sad face for each cake and a happy face each day you managed to avoid the cake?

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HellsBellsnBucketsofBlood · 02/11/2016 17:54

Take a slice of cake. Cover in fairy liquid. Throw away. Not only have you not eaten it, but you can't now take more for propriety's sake.

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Chottie · 02/11/2016 17:55

Oh dear!

Could you start bringing in healthy things to share and gradually over time convert everyone? vain hope, I expect you are thinking

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ElphabaTheGreen · 02/11/2016 18:08

Some wag put fruit in the cake place for a while. It got ignored and started to smell Hmm

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ElphabaTheGreen · 02/11/2016 18:09

Sticker chart is a bizarrely good idea. I do actually respond to that sort of thing...

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NiceCuppaTeaAndASitDown · 02/11/2016 18:12

I look at a photo of some mouldy bread that I keep on my phone when I get the urge to eat office cake.

I'm aware that I sound insane, but it makes me feel so sick that I then don't want to eat anything.

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BuggerOffDailyMail · 02/11/2016 19:27

Do you work in my office?

I had EXACTLY this problem a few months ago but I solved it by sending a lighthearted email to my immediate colleagues. I felt vulnerable sending it, but I donned my big girl pants like a trooper and it solved it:)

This was my email:

Afternoon!

As you all know, I have to shove myself into a wedding dress in 18 months time and the constant flow of cakey, chocolatey goodness around this place is not helping project shrinkage.

If you'd all be so kind, I'd like to invoke a ban on offering me food. From now on assume I don't want any and it's no longer rude not to offer it, remember you're doing me a huge favour!

Thanks guys,

BODM

No one has offered me food since and when someone from outside our immediate team offers food to me, usually one of the others pipes up with 'we don't offer BODM food, she doesn't eat it' Grin

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Lilaclily · 02/11/2016 19:29

I'm loving the fact you work in the NHS and stuff yourselves with sugar Grin

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Bluepowder · 02/11/2016 19:32

Bring in strawberries and grapes instead?

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DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 02/11/2016 19:39

My former team had to bring in "cakes" for birthdays, weddings, babies, minor misdemeanours etc so with a large team of about 30 people there'd be cakes every week. Often numerous times.
But there were a few health nuts so normally there'd be a few packs of cakes and sweetie things then a bag of satsumas or a punnet of grapes. It worked well and loads of people got on board with it.
Suggest a mix of cake and fruit on your turn and see if it catches on?

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ChangedDaily · 02/11/2016 19:39

Great email BODM - I think you really nailed the tone there.

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Bluepowder · 02/11/2016 19:43

There's a constant diet and cake culture at my work, which is just weird.

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Ohyesiam · 02/11/2016 20:21

When I was a student nurse, one Xmas we had 5 of those massive tins of quality street and roses just sitting on the nurses station. I some how managed to ignore them until the end of my shifts, when I would pocket 3 and walk out. It worked.
After several days all that was left was the strawberry and orange creams, all decanted into one massive tin!

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ElphabaTheGreen · 03/11/2016 15:41

I'm proud to announce that I didn't touch today's offerings of Milk Tray or (I shit you not) Mars Bar Rice Krispie cakes. Here's my sticker Star

Great email BODM. Unfortunately, no one offers this crap to anyone else. It's just laid out for all to help themselves to and no one is remotely bothered whether you take it or leave it, so an email like that would probably just cause faint bemusement among those superhumans who possess the ability to 'leave it' and can't fathom those of us who can't. I mean...MARS BAR RICE KRISPIE CAKES FFS.

It doesn't help that we're a bunch of therapists including those jocks of the NHS, physios, who have usually burned off the equivalent of five family-sized krispie cakes before breakfast so don't have the same concerns of lardy-arsedness as those of us with no willpower.

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