Massively fat, unhappy about it, want to change my whole relationship with food

[Pengawhoops]

Kind of what the title says.

I've even name-changed for these fat posts, because I think people will judge me for my weight. I'm 5'4" and weigh 16 stone 6 lb. I'm 33 and have one DD who is 3. I'm a single mum.

I've been this heavy once before and got it down to 13 stone again before having DD. I maintained the weight over my pregnancy and for a year after, but have put on 3+ stone in the last two years since starting work, mostly due to binge eating.

I don't think I'll ever be a 'normal' BMI but I would really like to get out of the obese category and down into 'overweight'. I'd be completely delighted if I could get to 12 stone 6.

But I need to sort out my whole head space really. Why do I do this to myself? I buy awful things and eat them in huge quantities. Why am I self-sabotaging? (Interestingly I notice myself doing this when it comes to procrastinating on important personal admin too).

I do notice that it happens particularly when I am working full-time in roles that are very intensive (or even just full-time now, which on top of being a mum and doing all the drop offs, pick ups, cooking, admin and keeping house clean feels like a lot).

I don't really know what I'm asking. I guess it just feels good to get it all out and say it. I need to make a change, but as well as changing the symptom (overeating or eating unhealthy things) I feel like there are some underlying causes I need to tackle too.

I've been wondering a lot about the "why do I self-sabotage?" question, too.

It's not just eating. I do it to myself in other areas, like procrastinating on personal admin and some aspects of my recent career choices, and definitely my relationship choices.

So I am fat, disorganised, feel unhappy with my professional life, and single (but when I have emotional attachments they are often to people who can't provide what I need, in various ways).

I am beginning to think that maybe I need to see a psychotherapist generally but I have always secretly thought that many counsellors and psychotherapists are a load of woo (or at least that it can be a real waste of time without the right 'fit', which is very hard to judge) and I don't have much money to spare.

I just wanted to drop in and say good luck honestly.

Last year I was in your position same height although I weighed in at nearly 19 stone. Everything you've said could have been written by myself. Today I got on the scales at 12 stone 12. I've still a long way to go and I'm still not happy but I am getting there.

Good luck on your journey I still have 2 and a half stone to go so hopefully we can encourage eachorher

You can do it

I totally agree with what Jasper has said: 'allow' feeling that you want to eat - true hunger is probably not something I have any experience of, but a rumbly tummy, ready for the next meal is not something to fear.

There is increasing evidence that 'eating little and often' is NOT metabolically the best thing to do (and breakfast is NOT the Most Important Meal Of The Day!). Going for longer hours without eating does good things to our insulin household, so very gentle intermittent fasting (I don't eat breakfast which on average means that I eat for 8 hours of the day, don't eat for 16).

Also, please, ditch the 'low fat' options - they are usually absolutely laden with sugar. Eating a diet higher in fat (and protein) is very delicious, more satisfying, stops the insulin spikes and troughs which in turn stops the cravings.

I have lost 3 stones without ONCE feeling deprived.
I cannot see myself changing the way I am eating just now for the rest of my life.
Full fat Greek yoghurt is my new pleasure - nothing 'guilty' about it

I don't have a lot to lose, had a very sticky stone to go and am now half way there. I am not on any kind of diet, I downloaded the Easyloss hypnotic app (hypnotic gastric band). I have listened to it for about 3 weeks, and seem to have somehow completely forgotten about food/eating until I am really hungry. Then I eat and am full with very little.

I always eat healthily, I just eat too much (and drink too much wine!). This seems to have shifted something in my head without me actually doing anything (except listen to a very relaxing 30min hypnotic session at every bedtime, which always sends me of to sleep!). I would recommend this highly, it was only about £5.

Another hypnosis one is the Virtual Gastric Band app- definitely worth a go, I lost weight and didn't even feel like I was dieting.

there's a supportive thread on here for binge eaters.

I just want to say like you are being really honest with yourself here, and that is an amazing first step!

A lot about eating the right amount (not going to call it "diet") is to do with dealing with the impulse of wanting to snack/a treat/a distraction/a reward.

For me, havjng a cup of tea and 20 mins MN is my go-to reward. I work from home and if I feel daunted/bored/frustrated/peckish, I have tea and MN. Prob 3-4 times a day!

Just read a dm story where a woman in Australia shrank herself from a size 24 to a 10 with walking and lots of water.
Yeah right....in the blurb it then added in organic fresh fruit, veg and meat.
In other words she swapped to healthy eating, kept herself dehydrated and took exercise.
It also says that she weighs 75 kg. that's more than me. She looks amazing and I'm not a size 10.
Intermittent fasting. Not sure about this one but the idea is you go about 13- 17 hours between evening dinner and breakfast. This gives your digestion a rest and eat two meals a day.
We had our meal at 7-30 last night and just having breakfast now.

Omelette. Then Sunday lunch about 2 pm . No Yorkshires . We are gluten free. Small potato. No gravy. So meat and veg mainly. Then a little ramble in Yorkshire countryside.

I'm going to up my water intake. See if I can get from a cuddly size 14 to a cuddly 12 by Christmas. I've got two holidays in that time as well.

Oh yes. I'm a binge/ emotional eater.
Something upsets me and I reach for some dark chocolate.

Dh just said in his previous life ( the one before me) when he got a dog, he dropped a stone in a year just by walking the dog four times a day and he never changed his diet.
We don't have a dog. This is the stone he's gained since being with me lol

I think I have a corresponding stone.

Get a dog then

In all seriousness, getting Hound did actually help my weight loss along - not suggesting that alone is a good reason to get a dog (please don't!), but being out in all weathers whether I felt like it or not, certainly got me fitter and leaner.

Same here.also a hound!

We travel about too much to get a dog.

Will have only been home about 8 nights in between holidays.
Can't do that to a pet can you?

Again fuck off myjs

I am a binge eater and also an alcoholic. I definitely replaced alcohol with food when I gave up drinking, white carbs are like a drug to me. One too many a thousand never enough.

I try to stick to lower carb and stuff that won't set my craving off. I can't eat fruit though without gorging. It really sets me off.

I agree with no breakfast and good carbs and forgiving yourself if you binge.

Today I had

Brunch - veggie omelette

Tea- mixed grill and salad

I smacked on nuts and boiled eggs. Protein help me not to binge.

And like my Aa programme. I try to just not binge one day at a time sometimes one hour or one meal at a time.

Oveteaters anonymous and grey sheet I have also found helpful in the past

Good luck!

I'm exactly the same, constantly on and off diets, weight up and down - I just want a normal relationship with food!

Re WW I've recently tried it (for maybe the 6/7th time ), lost a stone but have given up as I don't feel the new plan is for me - too limiting. So I've got some WW books etc which I'd be happy to pass on if anyone else can use them.

The message that works for me is www.eatingless.com in combination with BIWI 's low-carb bootcamp (the reason i joined MN). Hope you find what works for you.