I can give up everything - but i can't give up wine & don't know what to do

[hangingoutattheendofmywick]

I need to lose two stone. I can easily easily - with absolutely no problem at all eat wheat free, dairy free, sugar free, gluten free. I can live on fruit veg and all natural ingredients. Love nuts and seeds and smoothies in the morning. Can eat porridge and not bothered about chocolate or sweet stuff. I can forgo pasta, white flour, toast / bread. I can even completely give up meat - I'm just not that bothered. However - the ONLY thing I can't give up is red wine.

Now - I don't drink in the day, I don't drink in the mornings. I just want it with my evening meal. I know it's full of bloody sugar and I can't lose weight if I have it - but I just need it. I have young children so we never go out. I don't smoke. I almost feel it's my only enjoyment in life once the kids are in bed.
I can go a few days - even a week having herbal tea & water instead but then I have a stressful day or just feel sorry that I can't have what I want - and I'm back on it.
I don't know what I'm after with this post - I'm just so sick of myself. And rhe next day I feel rubbish because I feel like all the healthy eating has been useless.
I'm genuinely not arsed about food - I love healthy food. But if I can't have my wine I'm a miserable ARSE. Even my husband says Jesus have some wine - you're a nightmare.
Anyone else experience this? Ps. There are lots of other drinks I could have if it was just alcohol content - but it's only wine that I want. It's the taste I think. So sick of feeling like a failure.

Yes I think you do need to check units. And I don't think not having a hangover is a good thing. I think it's a sign you are becoming more tolerant of large amounts of alcohol.
You sound worryingly dependant on alcohol to make your life bearable.

I eat compulsively so I really sympathise with having something you struggle to give up.

I wonder if switching to a sherry size glass would help. Usually when I drink it's the ritual and the first mouthful or two that really matter. If you look at old paintings, the glasses they are holding are absolutely tiny.

Is 18 - 20 bad? I'm guessing yes?
It's genuinely not about making my life "bearable" - I have no complaints. I have a lovely little life. Two kids - healthy & happy. A husband who I love. No big financial worries. Nothing I need to bear - I just get my enjoyment from having wine with a meal in the evening. I guess it's a life long habit. I don't wake up and think Good God when can i start drinking. But at about 7.30pm and the kids are in bed and the day is ending I feel like oh goodness wouldn't it be lovely to have some wine. I wish I didn't and I'm going to try and seriously cut down. Maybe being a SAHM and being bored hasn't helped.

I totally get the ritual thing by the way. Hit the nail on the head.

Just pointing out what you know that you've said to us - that without wine you've been vile to your husband, that in general you are quite bored with being an SAHM and that you don't feel you have any complaints - but you are two stone overweight and can't shift it. I don't think this picture fits entirely. Having said that, i have no right to any complaints either, I have the best job in my county, lovely husband and amazing child and a great life but I am 5 stone overweight and spend parts of most days dreaming of death. This is adult life I guess.

TBH, WRT the weight loss, if it doesn't affect you, you're not pissed and not hungover, why not stop eating an evening meal and just have a glass of wine?

Alternatively again, just adjust your budget, increase the amount of money that you lock away in savings you can't get at, and put the wine out of your financial reach.

OP, you must be drinking more than three bottles a week if you live this uber clean eating lifestyle and are still two stone overweight.

Have you tried MFP? Maybe it's not just the wine that's putting the weight on (I know you still want to reduce the wine)

I am the same but with coffee : I can give up sugar, crappy food etc but I NEED my coffee.

FWIW I totally get the whole ritual thing.

I am definitely not a big drinker at all but even I think 'God, I could kill a glass of red right now'.

Usually around 5pm during supper time chaos.

A bottle of wine @ 13.5% contains about 10 units of alcohol. I agree about the evenings dragging without your drink of choice, but I know I've got to slow down and take control of my drinking before it controls me.

Last night was the first time since Sunday I got a four hour block of uninterrupted sleep. I'd likely be asleep still now, but I set my alarm for 3.15 as the agency warned me I might get a call at 3.30 to go to work. I feel far better than I ever did after an 8 hour alcohol induced sleep.

You might be better posting in alcohol support rather than weight loss.

Just because it's red wine rather than vodka or strong cider, and you don't drink in the morning, and it's only up to a bottle a night, and it relaxes you after a busy day, doesn't make problematic drinking less of a problem. More socially acceptable perhaps, but no less of a problem for you.

What your posts are essentially saying are "I can't stop drinking. I want to but I can't".

Have you ever worried that you might have a problem with alcohol? It's interesting that you chose to put this in weight loss. There is lots of support on MN, and a couple of long running support threads.

I could have written your post a few years ago and would have under estimated the amount I drink by the way.

Yes, apologies, I don't know why I translated 9 units per bottle (although DoctorTwo is right, it is closer to 10 or even more depending on the alcohol content) x 3 bottles as 18 units rather than 27.

Why don't you know whether 18-20 or indeed 27-30 units is bad, OP? It comes across as if you don't want to find out.

Op this is a bad habit that you can stop. Put some rules in place about when you can have a drink.
For example don't drink Mon-Thurs, once you are used to this you won't think about it, mid week - in fact you'll look forward to the weekend more, which I love!
At the weekend set a time you don't drink before - maybe 7.30pm.
Only have one drink an hour.
You have developed a bad habit, now develop some good ones.
FWIW I am just about to break Dry Jan - tomorrow night - as I don't drink during the week anymore, 5 weeks without a drop, very few cravings and my sleep did not improve - and I have my little fitbit to prove it! I don't want a life without alcohol, it's too dull but I do want to keep my quantities at a reasonable level....you can have both.

Thanks everyone. I put in weight loss as that is my issue at the moment - not drinking. It's a bad habit as you say but I sincerely don't believe it's an issue other than it makes me hold weight. I wasn't vile to my husband - I tend to over emphasise things - I meant I'm just not as chirpy with him because I know my evening will be dull and long without any "reward" after my long arse day of looking after two very small children, cleaning and cooking and not much else.
It's always been the thing I have enjoyed in life - so it's a life long habit, I can stop or cut down I just resent that I need to.
I don't know units because .... I've never needed to i suppose. I bet there are a fair few people who don't know them. I don't drive so don't need to know if I'm over the limit - and if a Dr asks I just say how many bottles of wine a week I have.
Any way - thanks for hearing me moan. I was up 6 times last night with one child vomiting and 5 times with the other who was just restless. Joy. Probably a good thing I didn't have my wine last night - though still feel like shite today.
I don't know what that acronym is when you say have you tried ... But I know if I don't drink the scales say I've lost weight - the week after I'll have some alcohol and I'm back to square one. It seems oddly all or nothing with my weightloss.
Have a lovely day x

I mean this nicely, but if you can give it up and it's not an issue, why did you start the thread? The title and OP is that you can't give up the wine and don't know what to do about it. I would go back and read your post from 15.10 again.

There are so many people in the same situation, it's terrifying to me now how alcohol is normalised, particularly amongst wine drinking mothers.

Generally I think that if you feel there is a problem, there is a problem. There is no shame at all in admitting it. I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do.

I hope your DCs feel better soon by the way. One of the biggest rewards of stopping drinking for me was the mornings - a clear albeit knackered head and no low level guilt or remorse! It makes it much much easier.

Good luck.

You're drinking at least double the weekly maximum recommended amount each week. Your body has become accustomed to it - I would feel awful if I drank that much (and I do like the odd drink). The fact you don't is worrying.

You might feel "fine" but you are doing a lot of damage to your body. You're a risk from liver disease, high blood pressure, osteoporosis, higher breast cancer risk - that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Can you go and talk to your GP or at least read some stuff online? Good luck, it's not easy but this needs to be addressed because it's very serious.

Do you want to lose weight or do you want to stop drinking?

IMO, it's 2 different things. While that's true that you would lose weight faster without any alcohol at all, depriving yourself of your best treat will increase your stress and that won't help to lose weight, quite the opposite.

Have you heard about a book Why French women don't get fat? It's about art of eating and drinking wine and keeping weight under control...