BigMoFos Week 31

[WigWamBahhumbug]

New week, new thread, new motivation

Most of my problems aren't about portion control, they're about being completely out-of-control. Bingeing, picking, feeling lonely or depressed and eating the fridge, that kind of thing. My portion sizes for my meals are fine, but I struggle to control my other eating.

If I keep crisps in the house, for instance, I will sit eat them until they're gone. If I buy cakes for a treat, I might eat all of them so no-one else gets one - or even worse, go back out and buy some more to replace them. I don't only eat at mealtimes, and I don't only eat when I'm hungry.

A typical morning's binge for me might be five packets of crisps, a couple of chocolate bars, a couple of pastries or cakes, several rounds of toast, half a packet of biscuits. When I'm struggling and bingeing, I can easily spend £10 a day on food just to shovel in and hide the evidence from. When you can pack that away, portion control isn't going to do you any good at all. Even when I'm not bingeing, if I buy a multipack of crisps for dd, chances are I will sit and eat them all myself and then hide the packets so no-one knows I've eaten them.

What I'm trying to do is address the reasons why I eat that way, and do something about them. Work out what my triggers for a binge are, and avoid them, try and let myself believe that it's safe to keep food in the house and not scoff it all so that it's not there to worry me any more.

I only eat that way when I'm on my own, so when we sit down for a meal I can quite easily control my portion sizes and be satisfied with what I've got (although I do like my food, and if it's in front of me I'll eat it, no matter how large a portion it is). When I'm alone I can be completely out of control - and hide all evidence of it. I think I have the root causes of my eating problem sussed - but so far I haven't fully worked out how to overcome them. I'm starting to get somewhere with it now though, and hopefully these threads mark the start of a whole new relationship with food.

Standard diets don't work for me because they don't address any of my "ishoos" - all the portion control and willpower in the world isn't going to beat my weight problem. I can lose weight on diets, but I've realised that until I address the root causes of my eating problem it won't go away - which is why when I've lost weight on standard diets before, it all comes back and brings reinforcements with it.

And the Lindor thing ... no, it has to be the red ones. The others don't even come close.

I've eaten a whole box of those on my own in the past too, Jackie ... all too easy, isn't it!

WWB - I'm just about to 'hide' the empty green and black's wrapper in the bin and of course wash the crackers plate up. It's bonkers (talking about myself here!). Dp doesn't get it at all - which is great - she has bigger portions at meal times than I do, and she loves chocolate/sweets, but in 'normal' amounts, very occasionally. She's a healthy size 14 and has been that way for years. I envy her and am pleased for her, but it's tricky because she doesn't get why I don't just stop snacking - makes perfect sense to her!!

It makes perfect sense to my dh too, Dotty. He doesn't get it at all, and would be horrified if he realised what I was doing.

SOmetimes I wonder whether things would be easier if I opened up to him and stopped hiding things ... I suspect he'd just be disgusted and avoid the issue completely.

Yes, dp would be horrified and disappointed I think. Every now and then she finds sweet wrappers and gets a bit cross - and I think blimey, that's not even half of it!! Mind you, am really trying at the moment and the weight's coming off - but it's a constant battle, which I'm finding quite tiring at the moment - we shouldn't really have to fight with ourselves, should we..?

Yes, I don't think DH realises how bad it can get with me. I've been poking the Lindor wrappers under the other stuff in the bin. WWB - I have the same 'if it's in the house, I'll eat it' thing, and have also had to go out to replace things I've eaten so that nobody realises they're gone.

No, we shouldn't have to fight with ourselves. And if we could work out why we do it, and how to stop it, we could patent the technique and make a fortune!

I don't know what the answer is. I do know, though, that if I don't find at least a partial answer this time, I will never lose the weight. And this time it has to go, so I have to carry on trying to address the issues. I don't want to drop dead with a heart attack, I have a 5 year old whose graduation, wedding, children I want to live to see.

Yes, it's thinking of the future that brings me up sharp. And that's all dp worries about - that she wants me to be and stay healthy and I've got enough smaller health worries without carrying around a load of extra weight as well. I've got to go for an exercise test (to test my heart) in January and I was mortified at the last one I had - I couldn only manage 8 minutes on the treadmill... Am about a stone lighter now - am aiming for 10 mins!!!

Without wishing to barge in here, I feel like I'm part of this thread and not part of it iyswim. I am not a compulsive eater, but I have been in the past, and I totally totally understand the feelings you have. I distinctly remember one time when I was eating a bowl of cornflakes plus evaporated milk plus sugar, whilst sitting on the loo FFS (hiding in the bathroom to conceal my eating, not actually USING the loo!), just before my Mum served up dinner!

I can't say how or why my compulsive eating stopped. As you say, WWBH, if I did I've had made my fortune by now.

All I know is that it is possible to stop eating like this. How??? I wish I knew the answer. I think, without wishing to sound patronising at all, it has something to do with finding something else to get engrossed in in your life, rather than food.

Of course I am still overweight, but right now it is to do with cumulatively eating just a little bit too much over the past ten years or so. With me I think it has something to do with not tolerating wheat very well, which is why I asked Dotty about her particular circumstances.

I feel incredibly emotional reading your postings. I can't offer any concrete help - just a sympathetic shoulder .

Well that gives me hope, TIEM!! The fact that you used to eat compulsively, but now don't, is really interesting. If you're worried about wheat tolerance, maybe go to your GP and ask for the blood test - I think it's called the EMA blood test - it's like a pregnancy test in that you can't get a false positive apparently, but can get false negatives!

I read somewhere that it takes 12 weeks to break a habit and it was kind of my mantra for the first 12 weeks of changing my eating habits - definitely helped the longer I went eating healthily the easier it became, but the coeliac diagnosis threw me completely in November and the old habits have re-appeared.

Need to start re-chanting my 12 week mantra I think..!

That is interesting, twoisenoughmum - so if you're not sure why or how you stopped, do you remember when, at all? What sort of things were you doing in your life? Or did the compulsive eating just peter out gradually? (me being nosey now)

(I think we need to lock TIEM in a room somewhere until she tells us how she did it!!!!)

That's a good plan, dottydot. (Did I come across as rather over-eager to know her secret, do you think? Sorry if I did, twoisenoughmum)

Since you asked, Jackie, I became a compulsive eater in my teens after going on my first DIET. I started at 8 and a half stone (LOL, aged 14, thought I was enormous), went down to 8 stone but became 100% obsessed with food (very lucky not to become bullimic or anorexic) and then very quickly went up to 10 and a half stone. Would come home from school and compusively eat every thing in sight. This is why I am petrified of going on any kind of DIET again.

The compuslive eating stopped when I went to University. I was just busy and had lots to do, new friends, great social life, keen interest in my course etc. Quite quickly went down to 9 stone, where I stayed for years and years and years until I gave up smoking and had my two children.

All the time I was 9 stone in my 20s and early 30s, I could accept myself and my body. I've never been thin (am only 5'2") and I had plenty of bad times and life certainly wasn't perfect because I wasn't overweight. I think very large people often make the mistake of thinking everything would be ok if only they weren't fat. But, actually, it's just like ONE of your stresses in life isn't there any more. You don't suddenly live a charmed existence because you can wear a size 10 or 12.

I think this is what makes it so hard for me to tackle the extra 2 stone I have now. 1) I can't bear the idea of becoming food obsessed again and 2) I am certainly not under the illusion that life will suddenly change if I lose it.

I'm in just of much as a muddle as those of you who have a lot more to lose. Honestly.

I think you fit in perfectly well on this thread, twoisenough ... you may not have the same amount to shift as some of us do, but you understand where we're coming from and identify with the way we feel. You still have that underlying MoFo just waiting to burst out

And you know, I'm not at all surprised to see you say that you became a compulsive eater after your first diet. "Diets" are dreadful - I don't mean healthy eating plans, I mean DIETS as in "don't eat this, don't eat that, live on rabbit food, eat nothing but eggs and pineapple" diets. And I quite believe that you're in just as much of a muddle as someone with more to lose because it's about mindset rather than about weight ... you can be 8 stone and still have the mindset of a compulsive eater because it's about what's going on in your head, not what size jeans you wear.

Compulsive over-eating is an eating disorder - but because we're not risking our lives by starving ourselves, or risking our health by purging, most people don't see it as such. Hence the "eat less, exercise more" brigade who can't see that the difficulties in losing weight go much deeper than that.

It's interesting that you have managed to conquer your over-eating yet still have the feeling that you could become food-obsessed again. I know a couple of anorexics who are in the same boat - they feel they have beaten their anorexia, but only for now. They feel they will always be anorexic in that the problem is always lurking under the surface, no matter how well controlled, and could come back and bite them at any time.

Twoisenoughmum - thank you for that. It is interesting, and I completely agree with what WWB says - diets can be dangerous. I really wish that I found food less interesting, less delicious, less neccessary. I'd love to be in the 'eat to live' camp rather than the 'live to eat' one. On Sunday we took the DCs to DH's work children's Christmas party, and they laid on bags of snacks for the children, but nothing for adults. I realised as we left the party that I'd shock, horror) had no afternoon snack, and that I was really hungry. But I was really aggrieved at this, and ate more that evening than I would otherwise, and in a slightly more desperate way. I'm now confused as to whether that was a normal response to hunger or not - I suspect someone who doesn't have 'issues' with food wouldn't have felt so hard done by, and panicky about not having had a snack. (am in danger of over-thinking things here, I suspect).

Jackie, I'm not actually sure what a "normal" response to hunger is. I guess it would simply be to eat and then forget all about it.

It's almost as if we go into starvation mode ... stock up on food again as soon as we can, in case it happens again. And yet the likelihood of us ever starving (or even, let's face it, feeling real hunger) is very slim indeed.

Well, quite, WWB.

On an almost entirely unrelated note, had yesterday off, and was mostly doing Christmas shopping (again), but did make time to go into Bravissimo and get myself re-measured. Haven't had it done for a couple of years. I've now gone down a back size, but that also means I've gone up a cup size, so I'm now a G cup. But a 36 back, which is good.

Wow - fabulous! You must be able to see the difference by now as well. And feel it too, I would think.

I'm definitely feeling better about myself, and more positive about my body in general (thank you all for that). I think because the rate of weight loss has slowed down (can't imagine why) I'm not really noticing much difference now from how I felt a couple of months ago, but I am getting the odd 'Have you lost weight?' comment from people, which is also a nice boost.

Hi Everyone,

You've all been making some interesting points in the last few days! Just when I've been too busy to post again!!!

Like you WWB I can manage 'normal' meals fairly well and have no problem with feeling satisfied after a smaller portion but if food is still left on the table I'll feel compelled to finish it (wasting food etc!!!!)

I'll also snack all day if food is available so I don't tend to have stuff in the house and I deliberately buy my DD the snacks that only she likes so that I'm not tempted (though I have been known to eat those too when desperate )

Most of my snacking happens if I'm bored/unoccupied so I try to have lots to do!!! So in the evenings I try to knit or sew or read or.....well anything except eat really! I guess this fits in with Twoisenough's not needing to eat compulsively when she had other things to concentrate on! I think its a problem I'll always have and It'll always be a struggle to control that need to eat but I know I can do it because quite often I do.

On a more positive note:-

I'm doing a little Happy Dance down here because I'm now below 13 stone (just) and that means I've achieved my Christmas target with a couple of days to spare (Christmas events start on Sunday with an open house!)

My new target is to get through Christmas without gaining anything or at the most 2lb which would just take me to 13 stone! Do-able I think, as long as I'm sensible about portions, seconds and snacks and that will be easier with the pschological barrier of 13 stone broken! It's the first time since Nov 2004 that I've been under 13 stone....in early 2004 after several years of 'healthy diet' I managed to get down to 11 stone but couldn't get under so lost confidence and by Nov was about 12 stone. After that Christmas I was back over 13 stone and still gaining

OT -- WWB, can you email me your address again, please, for You Know What because I have something to post you but have lost it (the address, that is, not the something to post you).

Congratulations on getting to your target, littlemistletoesensible . Excellent news.

Well, the Lindor have come back to haunt me - I've put on a pound. But it's only to be expected, with that sort of eating, so I'm not surprised, nor too downhearted. Like you, littlemistletoesensible, I'd like to make it through Christmas without putting on too much, say 4 pounds, but who knows if that will happen .

Oh, sorry, I missed your good news, littlemiss.

Well done!!! [and a tentative if it doesn't upset WWB too much ]

Ooh - I wouldn't do that if I were you, portandlemonaid. You're on dangerous ground, there I think. I stick to the vanilla ones.

Well, mostly .