I don't know where to start

[QwertyBird]

I don't really know what I want to say. I just need to do something. I don't eat huge amounts, but I do eat the wrong things. It doesn't help that I can't eat the majority of vegetables or salad - due to being bullied by my Father for being too skinny as a child, part of his regime was to force feed these foods, resulting in vomiting. I can't go near these foods now
I do comfort eat, I don't know if it makes me feel better, or is a subconscious two fingers at my dad... He was a violent bully, and I moved out because of him. I have a reasonable relationship with him now, mostly as I have minimal contact.
My siblings treat me horribly, they are vile about my weight as they don't realise some of the above. They are spoilt and make my life a misery, but I have no choice at the moment but to work with them, resulting in comfort eating.
I don't think I can lose any significant amount of weight until I deal with my demons, but I just don't know how. I need to feel happy to lose weight, I know this from previous experience. Happiness feels out of reach. So sorry for the self indulgent post, I just needed to let it out.

Let me give you an unMumsnetty {{{hug}}}.

I don't really have any words of wisdom. I came across your post because I have ventured for the first time into the weightloss threads looking for a little support myself and yours was the first thread I found that didn't have hundreds of posts already. I feel a bit intimidated joining a thread with lots of posts.

I am sorry for all your back story. Do you mind me asking how much weight you would like to lose? I only want to shift a stone and I am going about it by trying to make my portions smaller, being a bit more mindful about the snacks I eat between meals, and doing some exercise several times a week. It is the exercise bit I find the hardest tbh.

It sounds like you have lost weight in the past. What worked for you then?

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I'm pretty good with portion sizes, snacking is a definite fail. Previous success was, looking back, when I was happy. I am happy at home, with DH, DCs etc but not at work in the so called family business. When I'm miserable and run down I don't have motivation.

i used to suffer from an eating disorder (& it sounds like you have a form of ED) and had amazing CBT counselling after telling my GP - after 12 years of secrecy it was so hard to say it outloud to my dr, but I wish id done it sooner! you can also have counselling for anxiety which you might find useful? perhaps then you'll find the self-confidence to ignore your siblings or get a new job or lose some of the weight.xx

good luck, xxx

What foods did you never have as a child that you could really enjoy eating healthily now - with no connotations ?

Eggs : omelettes and baked eggs and frittata ?
Pulses : lots of Indian foods are yummy sauces bulked out with pulses, or bean based chillis ?
Fish : steamed, baked, poached, in pastry?

As any non processed food is healthy if eaten as part of proper meals and sensible portions.

There are no good and bad foods : just excessive portions and snacking.

If you were going to eat out in a town that had every restaurant imaginable, what would you choose?

Thank you for replies. It's been a bit of a stressful week. I think I need to deal with my past, and probably the current family situation in order to get anywhere.
Omelettes are definitely a good idea. I will look at those ideas too.
Why is everything so complicated??!