How to have a better attitude to food - whole family.

[mrsmilesmatheson]

Dh and myself are both overweight, bordering on obese to be honest. We are both as bad as each other with overeating and choosing the wrong foods. We have dieted on and off for years, never managing to keep it off.

I've realised over the summer how this is effecting dd. I haven't weighed and measured her as I'm so scared about her self esteem but I think she's overweight especially around the tummy. She's ten soon and is starting to develop so I know some of it is puppy fat but I think it's going a little beyond this.

We have to do something, but how to make a change as a family without stressing her out. She has said to me that she thinks she's fat which makes me so sad. I grew up feeling like a whale when I was actually a healthy weight until I was about 18.

My mother is naturally thin and has a completely different body type to me yet would always try to lend me her size 8 clothes, when even at my healthiest weight I'd be a 10-12. I'm currently a 14-16 and 3 stone overweight. I haven't been a healthy bmi since I was 18 and met dh. Together we put on the weight and we are now affecting our daughter. I feel so sad and angry at both of us.

Where do I start with changing the way I act around food?

Come on don't despair at least you are going to try and do something and your DDS situation is the catalyst.

I would suggest a Mindful course. It is for anxiety but it might help with food. Also your GP might help with healthy eating sheets, and may be able to hand you over to a nutritionist. BUT the biggest change to make is an increase in your exercise regime.
There is something called a FITBIT that you can attach to your arm. It is linked to your computer and measures the amount of steps you have taken during the day. 10,000 steps a day will make a difference to how you feel. It measures your sleeping pattern as well.
You need a varied balanced diet and three regular meals a day. If you get hungry you will binge. In fact if you get hungry then the diet you are following is no good for you.
I Suggest you drink water before every meal. Put a lemon slice in a glass and pour boiling water on it. Let it cool down a bit but drink it warm. I hate water so I get over it this way. Try drinking instead of eating, as it can be confusing. Hunger or thirst?
The idea is to lose a pound a week. If you lose weight rapidly then you will put it back on rapidly.
So get walking, cycling etc and throw out all the sugary snacks and replace them with carrot sticks and hummus. Black chocolate for snacks etc.
Then if you lose the plot, we'll never mind, keep going. It took years to get obese, so don't expect miracles.
You have my sympathy as I have to constantly watch what I eat. Yuck.

1. healthy meal plan and weekly shops. Cook from fresh, don't buy the highly calorific foods and snacks in the first place.
2. Make up lunch boxes rather than going to sandwich places for lunch
3. Be organised so that you're not eating on the run or resorting to takeaways.
4. Most food is healthiest the closest to its natural state eg apple healthier than apple juice, dried apple, apple sauce, apple pie! porridge healthier than flapjacks or cocopops. Processed foods are loaded with salt fat and sugar
5. Concentrate on getting enough of the nutrition you need. If you are eating a balanced healthy diet the cravings for unhealthy stuff will abate.
6. re 5. find out how much fibre you are supposed to eat a day. You probably aren't eating enough. I once had to increase my fibre. Once I'd eaten enough each day I found I had much less appetite for unhealthy snacks and sugar rushes. Look at vitamins and omega oils too. Poeple are a lot more likely to be short of these than sugar or fat!

7 Vegetables. If you have a traditional plate of meat potatoes and veggies alter the proportions in favour of veggies. Same with spag bol and everything else.

If you go on gousto (not suggesting you buy from there unless you're pretty well off) you can get a good idea of how big a difference there can be between calories in certain meals. for instance compare the persian lamb couscous with the chinese pork rice. Maybe try to guess first.

www.gousto.co.uk/this-weeks-recipes?hp=a

oh yes, replace sugary drinks with water or some of those rubbish herbal teas that some people seem to like.

Thank you ladies. I've dug out my Fitbit zip and set my first goal to lose one stone.

I had a big chat with dh and we have agreed on a plan of action. For healthier eating and more activity as a family.

For the second day in a row I have managed to not overeat but also not be hungry. Let's hope for three days in a row and onwards from there. This morning was the first time in ages that I have woken up hungry!

I lost a stone over last summer using Paul McKenna and his golden rules. I did find that when I was eating yummy freshly cooked food I was less interested in eating crap. I think this is what I need to concentrate on.

Having said all this, dh has been to the shop and bought a pack of chocolate biscuits (which I don't like). And is now talking about starting as of the beginning of term. I feel like he's yet again putting it off and is going to spend the next week (we are going abroad) eating as much as possible. I think this has shown me that he isn't really committed to changing his relationship with food. He was even talking about doing a crash diet earlier. That won't help dd!

Am determined to make a change for her. Even if it's me that has to lead the way, as I think dh will follow suit once I start. If I point out his behaviour to him I know he will get defensive so no point saying anything, just got to get on with it.

Good going. It's annoying about your DH but at the same time expecting others to reach their revelation just because we have is a tiny bit unfair.

I meant to come back and say don't tell your daughter you're putting her on a diet. Just that you are trying to be more healthy yourself so the food in cupboards might change. As you say, you don't want her developing issues. There will be enough chances of that from the outside world.

What would a typical day's food be like for all of you?

Aw, shame on him. chocolate biscuits ! He needs a good slap. It would be so much better if he was committed as well.
Is there nothing you can do to threaten or blackmail him into being serious.

He needs an external frightener perhaps? Could he go for some risk assessments and have his cholesterol, heart, organs, etc tested so that he gets a wake up call. He will be sorry when you get thinner and healthier and then run off with someone fitter! Just kidding.

What he did was disgraceful really, after you both agreed on a plan of action.

Yes, just get on with it yourself. You cannot make him anyway.

You can buy and orepare normal food for the family, and if he wants to eat junk after that it's up to him.

Hard for you though! Men....

Arghhh got up this morning to dh suggesting we go to ASDA to stock up on "treats" for our time away! I give up!

Well he canovereat if he wants but I'm not going to.

A normal day of food for me would be

Breakfast: granary toast with marmalade, porridge, eggs on toast or Greek yoghurt with fruit and toasted almonds. I also like muesli some days I'm not that hungry so have a banana or plain mullerice.

Lunches I find hard as I'm not overly keen on sandwiches so tend to have soup, pasta or Cous cous salad. Maybe eggs on toast or beans if I fancy something hot. I try not to have bread for breakfast and lunch, more like one or the other.

Dinners: this varies from pasta bakes, casseroles and stews, jacket potatoes and sausages, omelettes, chicken, risotto, pie veg and mash etc. We don't eat very much red meat. White fish we like, I can't eat salmon and dh will not eat a huge variety of fish.

Between meals I tend to eat fruit and I also like seeds, dried fruit and nuts, malt loaf on a good day.

On a bad day I end up binging on crisps, home baked cakes, bowls of cereal, chocolate, cookies etc. dh is also keen to get take always at least twice a week at the moment and since he won't cook (he will wash up) it is all too easy to agree if I am tired from work. He was brought up on rubbish from Iceland and had never eaten a fresh vegetable before he met me. He didn't know what broccoli was!

I know this sounds like I'm blaming dh but I'm not. I know I'm at fault too and that we both have bad habits which encourage each other's bad habits!

I was badly bullied at school in my teenage years. Physically and emotionally. I started using food as a comfort at about 14 I would say. However I was never really overweight until I got to about 19-20 when I guess your metabolism slows a little and by then I'd lost sight of what was normal eating.

I also think me and dd need smaller portion sizes sometime at meals.

Now I've written it down I can see what the problem is to be honest!

I like the idea of a mindful course but I don't have the money for this. My job is very stressful and I need to find a way to separate work and home by not just coming home and flopping on the sofa. Dh gets up and turns the TV on in the morning and it doesn't go off until bed time at weekends. I'm fed up with it. I don't want to sit on my arse all day watching crap TV. He tells me he's tired and it's his way of relaxing. He has an ongoing back problem which I think is exacerbated by his weight and lack of exercise but he does do a very physical job so I recognise that he's physically tired and often in pain at the end of a day.

He is very much an all or nothing kind of guy. He will go on a crash diet and go to the gym for hours and hours, or he will sit on his arse all day and watch TV and eat crap. When I complain that he's always at the gym and leaving all the parenting and home stuff to me, he will give it up, go back to his old ways and blame me.

How do I encourage him to be healthy and to do it all in moderation? If I point any of this put he will get very defensive and start pointing out my faults. He has very low self esteem I think. Mine is not much better.

Sorry this is very rambling! Writing it down has helped though.

you have inspired me. i am having similar thoughts and my husband was also brought up on crap. my kids diet isnt very good at the moment. too much cake and crisps and fishfingers for tea. they like quite different things which makes it hard but yesterday they had wraps with chicken cheese and salad which went down well

Firefly I'm glad we aren't the only ones!

Last night we had lasagne but made with Turkey mince which was yummy. A friend had suggested it instead of beef. Dh surprised me by liking it. Dd often refuses to eat lasagne and picks it to bits but this she ate every last scrap. I also made sure her portion was smaller. Went for a daddy bear, mummy bear, baby bear approach lol and was full all evening. Let's not mention dh and the biscuits! He can't face been hungry?!?

Dd also likes fajitas which your wraps reminded me of. Haven't done those in ages.

To be honest, mrsmiles, I think you should stop focusing on your DH and think about yourself. You can't make him change his ways, but you can change yours, and it sounds like you've reached the point where you are very motivated to do so!

You need to find a way of eating that works for you - but the one thing I would say is that you're eating a lot of carbohydrate in your day, and that if you try and cut this down this will help you a lot. Carbs not only make you fat, they also make you hungry - which means that you eat more, which means that they make you fat - it's a vicious circle!

Try focusing on protein + veg/salad for your meals - and avoid snacking, especially on things like the obvious (cakes, biscuits, etc) but also on fruit - it's very carby. If you need to snack, try snacking on veg - e.g. celery, cucumber, peppers.

Re exercise, it's very good for the soul and your wellbeing, but don't rely on it to help you lose weight. Weight loss is around 80% diet and 20% exercise.

My Mindful course was free. You shouldn't have to pay. If you go to your GP and say I am overweight and need help, they will point you in the direction of a free course,
I found one that was free myself and self referred as I have Migraine.
I maintain a reasonably lowish weight by eating the following. I have had advice from a nutritionist and personal trainer.
Eat three meals a day and have a snack.
Breakfast is always the same. ( although the nutritionist says I should eat a varied diet) 50 grams of porridge, five chopped prunes, a handful of hazel and almond nuts and a table spoon of ground flax seed. Made with half water and semi skimmed milk. Cup of hot water flavoured with lemon juice and two cups of sugarless, semi skimmed milk tea. Or green tea. Porridge fills you up.
Lunch, half a can of baked beans on a piece of brown whole meal. Water. two cups of tea as above. No fruit teas. Or egg, sardines, low fat hummus on toast. Any Soup except cream of etc. Aldi sell low fat hummus and good soups. Of course you should make your own veggie soup, but I am not a saint or Nigella.

Evening meal; cup of water, grilled fish, grilled meat ( any except red meat) mounds of steamed veg ( anything green) carrots, broccoli etc I drizzle a mix of olive oil and white wine vinegar plus Sucralose, on the veg to lubricate it and make it more interesting. I sprinkle Cajun spices on the Meat to make it more palatable. I also make large salads with low fat Mozzarella, peppers etc
I hate salad but I eat it. I don't like fruit ether but I eat an apple and banana and tangerines most weeks, Fruit is to be eaten in moderation though.

I lose weight and maintain my weight ( with lapses) if I keep to the above eating plan. If I feel hungry I try to drink a cup of tea, plus eat a banana or a square of black chocolate. I savour it mindfully.
Sometimes , I just lose the plot and eat cakes and stuff my face. I am very sorry then and scold myself and just begin again. I try not to have any extra fattening food in the house. If I drink, I have a gin and tonic with slimline tonic.
My dear Husband is thin and eats like a horse and hasn't got a sweet tooth, BLAST!
You can have quite a variety of food that is filling but isn't fattening. Sauces and all processed ready made food is fattening because they all have sugar in them. I buy Lasagne from Lidl ( that has sugar in it) but just have small amounts.
For snacks I have rice cakes, bread sticks, black chocolate. Nuts( not too many nuts as they are fattening) celery, raw carrots.
I also exercise using my Fitbit.
It is BLOODY HARD as I just want CAKE.
However, I want to be thin marginally more than I want the cake. I just can't bear to be someone whose bosoms are part of their stomach. I am a size 12 through sheer determination. How I wish someone would invent a pill to make you thin. My siblings are all obese. One of my sisters is a size 22. She says ' oh you are so lucky! Which is annoying as there is no luck involved.
You have my sympathy OP just stick at it. What else can you do!

Keep us posted.

Hi, just checking in on very dodgy wifi so can't type much.

Day five of being more mindful and I'm enjoying it. I've managed 10,000 steps or thereabouts each day and dd is beginning to follow suit so all good!

Dh is being a little obstructive and scathing but Im not letting that bother me.

holeinmyheart thank you for that really interesting and helpful post :)

Start with yourself. Your daughter will be watching you like a hawk and eventually follow your lead. I don't ever talk badly about myself in front of my children, and I don't talk about dieting. But they know about how bad sugar is for the body and that I don't have it anymore. They aren't willing to go that far, but we have limited their daily added sugar to 15g/day. They are more mindful of what they eat and how much they eat, and have noticed a big difference in how they feel if they binge on sugar.

My 8 year old has consented to taking much healthier packed lunches this term (I bought her a bento-style lunch box which makes it fun), and so far doesn't come home utterly ravenous because she's actually filled up on proper nutrients. The fact that she's experiencing first hand how much better she feels eating whole foods and low sugar makes it much easier to make healthy choices as a family.

My husband isn't restricting his sugar intake as such, but he doesn't buy as much crap anymore. He doesn't want to hear my tsk-tsking, and can't enjoy a late-night treat with his partner in crime anymore. But the full changes have to come from him and I can't impose it. If he had forced me to quit sugar and junk six months ago, I would have completely rebelled and been quite annoyed about it, so I can't do that to him.