weight and lifestyle

[Anomaly]

I'm not over weight but heavier than I would like. DH is overweight probably by 6 or 7 stone. Neither of us eat a particularly healthy diet. DH eats too much and I eat the wrong stuff too often. DH is beginning to develop physical issues as a result of his weight. I am seriously worried that he's going to end up diabetic like his mum. I really want to change our lifestyle. So much of our entertainment revolves around food and drink.

How do you change? Is it even possible? I know I can't make DH lose weight as much as I desperately want to - (if he carries on I have no doubt he'll end up with diabetes / heart disease).

Would counselling be a good idea? Gastric band? DH is going to the doctors due to his physical symptoms I'm hoping the doctor will help him but I'm not optimistic.

My poor cousins grew up watching their Dad getting sicker due to heart disease and now I'm scared my kids will end up doing the same.

Any advice appreciated.

I think that the research shows that small tweaks are more successful than huge, sudden calorie restrictions (success defined as both weight lost and kept off).

I think you should aim to "eat less and move more" in whatever way appeals to you personally. Research the different methods by reading up on different diets or talking to role models. By showing your DH how happy you are, hopefully he too will be inspired. I think that's all you can hope for in terms of influencing someone else.

Does he want to lose weight?
Does he want to be healthy?
Unless he wants these things, it's going to be hard for you.
I was worried that my dh was going to become diabetic as both his parents were from a fairly young age so the first thing I did was talk to him about it then I stopped buying juices and drinks, cakes and biscuits.
Any cakes or biscuits we have now is baked at home using less sugar than the recipe gives and drinks are just water. For us, it was a matter of just getting used to it.
Maybe the dr having a chat with your dh will help?

There's a certain amount you can do for him without him even realising by simple swaps in main meals. But if he's not on board, I'm doubtful it'll work. If he's not in that headspace, he's still going to have a marsbar with his brew at work, he's still going to have pints then gin&slim, he's still going to choose a muffin rather than a banana at the museum cafe. In short, you can't control his choices so if he's not committed to making healthy choices it's not going to work.

What does he think? Does he see a problem?

I think he has an ostrich mentality regards his weight along with a good dose of it won't be me combined with a fatalistic attitude of oh well if I die i die. In short he's very conflicted.

Selfishly I see me having to support him through years of ill health and then losing him at a youngish age. I'm not sure he's that bothered about my thoughts though. He thinks my wanting him to lose weight is me thinking selfishly. I can't understand why he's not bothered. My uncle died before he got to meet his grandchildren which I think is so sad but DH doesn't appear to be motivated by that.

Downwiththistypeofthing unfortunately its DH who does most of the cooking. To be fair the meals are fairly healthy, more veg needed but that's about it. Its the lack of activity and snacks thats the problem. His car is full of sweet wrappers and he'll have a kebab once a week. A lot of what he's eating I dont see or have a hand in.

He knows he's fat. And it sounds as though he knows the implications. So he's made an informed decision and I can't see anything you can do about that.

I really don't see how you can help him.

If he is buying lots of snacks through the day etc you can't change that.

It has to come from within himself.

So he's ignoring the physical issues as per your original post.
He's not bothered about the future.

What about your relationship, the physical side? When you say so much of your entertainment revolves around food and drink, what if you got new interests. I don't know, I'm trying to think of angles which might jolt him into thinking "actually, I don't want this life anymore".

As someone who's been overweight for a few years, I can honestly say I had no real inclination to change until i had a lightbulb moment. I understood all of the risks, of course I did, but they were for Other People. I think in some ways because I've been genuinely happy, I lacked a real impetus to change - not that I'm suggesting you make DH miserable in order to get him to accept change! I'm just trying to highlight that he might not be ready to yet. But glimpses of how life could be even better may help.

Cross posts.

Physically our relationship is ok. I would like us to have sex more and I know his weight means he doesn't feel as sexy so not as bothered. He stays up late a lot (eating in secret?) so that isnt great for his weight or our sex life. Selfishly I know heart disease and erectile disfunction can often go hand in hand which worries me for the future.

I don't want to make him miserable but I do wish he would have that light bulb moment.