Point of no return

[bimbobaggins]

Hi

Ive spent most of my adult life on one diet or another. Started first one when i wasnt even overweight and for years followed the cycle of loose a stone, gain two, loose two gain three, etc and now i am at my heaviest ever of 19.5 stone.

I feel really as though i am at the point were if i dont do something now i will end up gaining more and more and end up housebound /seriously ill etc

Has anyone ever been this weight and successfully lost weight? If so can you give me some advice ?

Thanks

Hi OP,

I didn't want your post to go unanswered because you sound so desperate and frustrated.

If you've been dieting for years on and off, you probably know all the 'advice' that people give (move more, eat less), and that really does you know good. Knowing something doesn't make it easy to do.

Have you thought about the fact that maybe it is because of underlying factors that keep you in this unhealthy cycle. I don't know your history, but for many people a bereavement, or childhood trauma, or something like that can be a trigger for them, and they rely on food as an emotional crutch. For others, their low self esteem means they want to put up a physical barrier, a wall against other people, against relationships.

If that's the case (and I'm not saying that it is necessarily), then fad diets and short term calorie controls are not going to work for you. They may work for a while, but you will ultimately end up back where you are, because you are dealing with the symptoms and not the cause.

I would urge you to consider some counselling if you feel that would benefit you, to try and understand why you turn to food for comfort. Talk to your GP, ask for a referral for OA or maybe CBT.

Please don't think this is the point of no return, don't give up on yourself - it is never to late to make changes.

Stop dieting and start living. I say this as a 40 year old who's only just realised its not a case of eating what I want then dieting. I need to eat just less than my body needs then have a slight allowance for the inevitable blow outs.

I'm 4 stone 9lb down, since May last year doing slimming world. I'm actually eating more than i ever have and really enjoying my food. I feel more in control. Slimming world has been surprisingly good for me. I never thought i'd like the whole slimming group thing. I'm quite introverted, don't really make friends easily. Knowing other people are just the same as me with eating helps. Seeing it work for others helps. Most of all understanding its not about any short term goal, its finding a way of eating for like thats important.

Theres a group of us posting on another thread, sporadically, about the whole journey of gaining weight control. Not everyone is using Slimming world. Everyone is very welcome. If you get a chance to skim read you might get a feel for different peoples journeys. Its called my 22.3 stone mission.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/slimming_world/2229767-my-22-3-stone-mission?

OP
You need to eat like the person you want to be and then you will become that person.
You need to eat like we did in the 1970's

Start the day with a small, protein rich breakfast - like scrambled egg on smoked fish- washed down with plenty of tea or coffee

Then eat nothing till lunchtime. Just have plenty to drink - tea, coffee, water, milk

Lunch is bulky and nutrient dense : a salad with veg and seeds and nuts and pulses and protein and a little bit of dairy fats like cheese

During the afternoon, again no snacks, just plenty to drink.

Supper : a nice big meal of whatever you fancy, finished off with a nice dose of something sweet, washed down with more water.

After supper, close the kitchen till breakfast.

Stick to that Monday to Friday, relax at the weekends and your body will thank you for it, as will your head.

Thanks for your replies.

You are right industrialbunny i am desperate and frustrated. .i do think i need some sort of counselling to see why i do this to myself.

Thanks for the link mis, i will definitely look at this.i do need to start living. Life is passing me by . I dont want to do anything because im so ashamed of myself. Not an hour of the day passes where i dont think how disgusting i am.

You are not disgusting.
You have just not identified the triggers that send you up and down.

Try a mood diary.

While having your nice healthy meals , write down on a piece of paper the five best things that have happened in the last few hours
and the three that made you feel bad.

Over time you'll be able to reduce it to daily, but finding what makes you feel good - even tiny things like seeing a blackbird building a nest - and focussing on that
will give less time in your head for the negative thoughts.

But you are not disgusting.
You have just not realised your positive potential.

I'm really not a Dr Phil fan, I think he's a bit of a knob but he has a new diet book out and it looks pretty good. He lists the 7 (or something) reasons why diets fail and how to overcome them. I already know what I should be doing, it's the doing it that is the problem.

I'm going to buy it and thought you might be interested in reading about it too to see if it's right for you.

I'm actually going to take advice from Dr Phil...can't believe it ;)

Thanks talkinpeace what a lovely post. I think a mood diary is a great idea. I will definitely do that.

sensationalgirl i have every diet book under the sun but none of them really tell you why they fail. I will look at Dr phils new book

I feel a bit better being able to talk about it on here. Its not something i discuss in rl because im so embarrased

bimbo
Don't worry about dieting for the moment.

Get your head into a happier place.
Because where the head leads the body will follow.

Mood diaries are really useful because they make you seek out good things - even random ones like somebody holding a door open at work.

You know the old like see a penny, pick it up, have a day's good luck
its true - because people who are looking out for good things will start to find them.

Once your head gets to a happier place, getting healthy eating habits will be a doddle.

Start with trying to save all of your daily calories for specific meal times - cut out all of the snacks and fizzy drinks and late night munchies and plan nice tasty meals that you can look forward to.

That step alone will make your day more ordered, regardless of what you are actually eating.

And yes, these forums are great because nobody know who you are and cannot judge you so you can bare your soul and then hide it later with a name change

Its not something i discuss in rl because im so embarrased

Yes! Same here. I don't talk about my weight with anyone at all.

Wow some really lovely advice on here, go for it Bimbo!

I know it's a cliche but exercise really does make you feel better- but it has to be something you enjoy and that can take a few tries.

I heavier than you so can't talk as an expert or from the other side but for the first time in my life I am currently happy and making positive changes, I randomly found I love running so I do that 3 times a week working through the couch to 5k programme ( I repeat lots of runs as I started so unfit, I run slow but I'm burning calories and feel so much better). On in between days I tried a billion different YouTube workouts until I found stuff I liked (currently resistance bands and kettlebells). The beauty of YouTube is that if you don't like something you haven't lost much and there is so much variety. I bought a boxing bag so when I do feel disgusting I punch the life out of that instead of punching myself with crisps and sad feelings (if that makes sense!)

Sometimes I can't reach the end of a workout or have to skip bits but instead of feeling rubbish I just think I've burnt more calories than if I hadn't done that and try something else the next day and make a mental note to go back and try it another time perhaps.

Things that get me moving- I like the ritual of putting on my trainers and acting like a gym bunny even though nobody sees me, I like having my music loud and listening to upbeat songs while I move, I like the thought of being strong and one day being able to do random things like chin ups in the park and stuff!

And when I exercise i find I eat better so I don't undo my work. Going to the doctors etc didn't help me, they sent me to a dietitian and I knew everything what she told me, maybe more but couldn't make the switch to put it in to practice, if I joined a gym I'd make excuses not to go.

Sorry this is so long, I've just ran so I'm still buzzing a bit, I do have bad days but I take heart from the fact that my coat fits better now and my skin looks better- any little thing that helps, cling to it!!

Another slimming world person here...

I was about a stone lighter than you are (well to be totally honest, I would have been your weight at one point, but I was scale dodging and I can always shift a bit by myself).

I've lost 6 and a half stones so far, with 3lb to go until I'm officially not in the overweight BMI category and about another stone to the target I set myself of the middle of my healthy BMI range.

SW has worked for me better than anything else because I don't feel like I'm on a diet, which is what usually messes with my head.