Weird Psychological Weight Issue: Ideas to Kick Start Diet?

[BonfireofTheVanitiesss]

I was previously very fit and in shape. I had a bad accident and bad injuries. I was unable to exercise at all for about 6 months time and have put on a lot of weight. I haven't weighed myself but I would guess about 2 -3 stone in a fairly short period. My dress size has shot up.

But something bizarre has happened to me mentally and I am "enjoying" being unattractive. I have stopped making an effort because I feel physically grotesque - so I wear baggy clothes and trainers all the time and no make up. But it feels good. In some way I think I feel safe, very safe, because I am not attracting male attention. When I was fit, I was very attractive I suppose and got hit on a lot. But like this I feel different and safer so I have no motivation to lose weight; I like the feeling of not having to worry about attracting men or being rejected - going to parties and being overlooked and not having all that "is he hitting on me" angst.

My problem is that I know I need to lose weight. I feel unhealthy, can barely breathe - sort of wheezy going upstairs and none of my lovely clothes fit me. But although know I need to and mentally "want to lose weight", psychologically I don't because of this weird new feeling of safeness.

I would really like to try to do something to kick start a weight loss programme but have no real idea. I've googled but can't find anything on this at all or my "psychological issue" (which I can't believe is uncommon). I was thinking maybe a hypnosis session or a juice fast or something like that. I know it will need to be something external to me as I'm mentally not able to start myself.

Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions? Am I insane? Has anyone ever felt this?

No help or advice? Not a bean?

I'm not sure but can understand what you're saying, it's logical. I think hypnosis could be a good place to start, but counselling may be better as sounds like it's not about the weight per se, but something underlying that was there before? Hopefully someone more knowledgeable than me will come along!

Thanks Dognado for taking the time to reply. much appreciated. was feeling both ignored and more super strange than normal

I think its the weight loss topic, slightly slower than Chat etc, people will come along I'm sure

I think its hard to know what diet to suggest is possibly why more people didn't respond. I don't think you would be alone in this though, I have wondered if i do this a bit on some level, even though I am very plain even when thin whenever people start to notice I am losing weight that is when I am most likely to fall off the wagon. Hoping it will be different now I have realised this might be a reason for self sabotage.

It does sound like you are not really asking for diet advice though so as dagnod said chat, relationships or health might be a better place? One idea though is that you might be better off concentrating on finding out what start you can make to get back to exercise as it seems like things were better for you when you were exercising.

Self sabotage is common. To get past it the health reasons have to become bigger in you're mind and more desired. What did you actually like about being fitter/thinner? I liked being more physically flexible and being able to move faster

maybe your accident has affected you in ways deep down that you haven't dealt with?

the safety net you have now seems too safe to move out from iyswim

So do you think that you dislike yourself and the way you look so you don't bother trying to look nice and you just cover up and don't bother with grooming. Could you be actually feeling low and hate yourself this way and that is why you don't bother. Although you feel happy this way maybe that is because you don't want to dress up and get rejected because of your weight, so you don't try. You feel happy because no one will look at you and you don't have to try to look good. God, im confused by that , haha.

I would start taking more interest in your appearance. Start off slow, do your hair, wear a smudge of lipstíck, your favourite perfume....a bit more every week. Think about upping your veg and reducing the processed food - thinking about feeding your body the good stuff rather than losing weight. You might find your way through the fog that way.

Hi Bonfire,
I think I can relate - at least partly. I used to be fit and in shape and relatively good looking (not a total stunner though!). I put on weight due to an illness and three months of bed rest when pregnant. I used to be 58kg and now, nearly four years later I'm 69kg. For me that's not good (I'm NOT making a judgement on anybody else here, just that this weight on me is a LOT).

My husband doesn't find me attractive and while that annoys me (it's an issue but not relevant here), there's a certain freedom in the rather negative thinking of "I'm not attractive to me or him anyway, so why bother with makeup and getting dressed up?"

I started forcing - and it really was forcing as I had no idea what suited me in this different shape - myself to buy decent clothes that fit properly. I then started getting compliments! It was just because I'd stopped looking like a bag lady, nothing else had changed. That made me feel good and realise it had been AGES since I'd had any sort of compliment and I quite liked it (they were from women).

I'd also started counselling for another issue and realised, slowly, that I had very little self esteem. So I indirectly worked in that.

This past month I've made another discovery which has been a real eye opener. I used to have all these "mantras" when I worked out to help me push myself more. Things like "a minute on the lips, a lifetime in the hips" whilst remembering the piece of cake I ate, or "No pain, no gain" - and LOADS more. I've realised that I'm actually proud of myself for getting through what I've been through and I can't say those things to myself anymore because they're all totally negative. I'm in the process of trying to think of some good positive ones, that aren't some kind of punishment (nor some overly cheery Americanism!!).

So, back to you. Whilst you say that you are kind of happy with how you are, you're also not. Try lots of things and don't give up until you hit on what feels right and good for you. I tried juicing and I felt really good from it -REALLY good from it - but then on the 4th day I just wanted cake. I've adopted a bit of juicing into my life and bits and pieces of other things that make me feel good and bit by bit I've felt good enough to go out on my bike and cycle a bit further each time. My goal is not specifically weightless, although that is definitely what I want, but it's to feel good too (don't want to be thin and unhappy..although sometime I think it'd be better than big and unhappy ).

Sorry it's so long!!

Amy when I'm wanting to push myself through exercise I run the tune "I am woman" by Helen Reddy, through my head - I am strong, I am invincible, I am woman. It's on YouTube.
It works for me anyway....

Bonfore You need Paul Mckenna'a Way Of eating.He deals with all the issues esp. the emotional ones I lost 3 stone and I know what you mean about being more attractive, Iam but it's a good thing because it's for everyone IFYSWIM!! Including me of course!

Google him, there's lots of help out there!!

I can relate to this. Whiles I like to feel good about myself, I find attention overwhelming. I would prefer to just feel good but blend in. I can't even goto the gym and look a sweaty mess as it's full of image conscious men that really stare! I'm not saying I'm a super model or anything but I do get quite a lot of male attention. I'm quite introverted in that sense, my wedding day is looming and I'm dreading being the centre of attention. I've started changing my mind set now though, I think sod it if people stare. I used to be so on guard in bars etc because of the men looking, now I don't care. I'm learning to be me, at my best and not anxiously checking if anyone is staring.

It's weird male attention! When I was a mousy 40 yr. old size i0 with glasses I was ignored most of the time ( apart from family of course!).

I had laser eye surgery on one eye ,so no glasses. And went back to my natural blonde colour, (not a brassy bleached looking blonde) with longer hair. Now I am generally noticed by both sexes (I hope in a good way ) and I'm in my early 60s gone back to a size 10 [grin.]

Sorry that sounds really boastful I mean that I'm not ignored like most older people.

thanks for all your replies.

ppeatfruit do you have a link to the Paul McKenna book you mentioned way of eating? I could only find I canmake you thin/hypnotic gastric band and freedom from emotional eating.

I just want something to buck me up out of this funk and get me back to exercising and being interested in how I look.

Susie Orbach's Fat is a Feminist Issue is all about this: reasons why we 'choose' to be fat.

Yes that's the one "I Can Make You Thin" (stupid title for a life changing book ) He uses hypnosis cds, dvds, etc. and they're great There's a support thread on here too.

It's the only system IMO and E that you can use forever because it changes the WAY we eat. I do follow a very healthy diet and still found myself overweight P.M. works with no boring calorie counting or food weighing or eating 'diet' foods . Good luck you'll do it