Daughter's weight gain issue

[PJ2014]

Hello, I'd love some tips on what to do about my daughter's weight gain. I am divorced and my kids live with me and visit their Mum in the holidays. During Easter over 2 weeks she put on approx half a stone and when I mentioned it to her Mum she went beserk at me, pretty much accusing me of child abuse saying that my daugher is what she is and that I'll make her self conscious. I know there is a point there but this was just between us (although it's not been amicable) and I wasn't bringing anything up in front of the kids.

We ate healthily and she came down to what is a normal weight over the next few months, nothing drastic just no second helpings, healthier meals, etc. She went away this summer and has again put on a noticable amount of weight again and it breaks my heart. The situation is such that I can't talk to my ex, I know that she would try to turn it against me. I don't want my daughter to know we're talking about this, know I'm concerned and end up with a poor body image.

My daughter does love food and would eat and eat, she's of a different build to my son who is skinny as a rake. I'm not trying to put any blame anywhere but am worried firstly for my daughter's health and secondly that she'll be in a cycle of going up then down in weight.

How old is she? And how exactly do you know how much she weighs unless you're the one standing her on a scale? I can understand your concerns but you need to tread very carefully with this. My mother made a huge deal about my weight as a child. I was perfectly normal sized, but comments were made about the size of my uniform every single summer when we bought new ones, and she did on occasion weigh me. It's horrible. Do not make an issue about this. Just help her make healthier choices when she's with you.

What you did last time sounds sensible. Can you take that approach again?
How much exercise does she get? Do you exercise as a family? Bike rides, walking, kicking a ball around in the garden type of stuff.
Also is she comfort eating? Has your break up with her mum affected her more than you thought? That may be something you need to look at.

Oh sorry I think you're actually saying that she puts on weight when she's with her mum?
That's a tough one if her mum refuses to take any responsibility.
You can only highlight the importance of healthy eating to your children. I'm not sure what more you can do other than try to talk to their mum again.

That's right she does put on weight when she's with her Mum. I didn't make it clear but her Mum is overseas so they go for weeks at a time.

I don't put her on the scales every Sunday night after a weekend away, we don't have any scales in the house! She has been on the scales at my Mum's and it was her that told me of the exact gain over Easter.

Regardless of numbers though I picked her up after 4 weeks away and she's noticeably a different shape in body and face. I think Krakken is right and I'll have to stick to what is right, my daughter is 10 now, entering puberty so the last thing I want her to do is be self conscious and she'll learn what to do/ not to do.

Thanks for your help.

If she's 10 I think you are right not to mention it in front of her. Try to eat healthily yourself and take exercise. Does she take any exercise herself? My DS is 10 and a few of his friends go to a martial arts class either on their own, with siblings, or with parents. Could you do something like cycling, judo or swimming together?

My DS will eat a lot too and does tend to chub up occasionally but he then grows a few inches and slims right down. Could it be that this is what your dd is doing?

And if we think he's had enough to eat and he's still saying he's hungry, we offer him fruit, if he eats that we know he was telling the truth!