9 week old son and I'm back to my old ways. Feeling really low and desperate for support and/or help!

[MrsHelenBee]

My second DS arrived 9 weeks ago and I dread to think what I've gained weight-wise in that time.
I've been an emotional eater petty much all my adult life, but I thought and hoped I was finally breaking my old habits following PND with DS1 when I was put on a year-long DBT course. I had terrible morning sickness in both pregnancies but this time around, I was also well into my course so, for both reasons I ate very well. All my sweet cravings went - I couldn't stomach looking at biscuits or sweets, let alone eat it - and I lost weight until I was 32wks pg, then gained only 5lbs in the last few weeks. I put on my old jeans 5 days after giving birth and they were lose. Giving birth alone saw me lose nearly 2 st - surely that should have been an amazing motivator?!!! But I'm back to my old habits, bingeing almost every day (in secret) and slowly feeling like I'm now sentenced to a life of being obese and an embarrassment.
I had success doing Weight Watchers many years ago, have tried Slimming World (temporary success too), and even did Lighter Life 8 years ago, when I lost 4st and felt amazing. But I put it all back on again, and more besides.
Has anyone else struggled like this? Have I started comfort eating again because I'm so shattered and need an energy boost? I don't know, but I certainly don't have the same self-destruction urges I used to have. But I feel wretched and terrified the best years of my life will be lost to being such a fat and awful mess.
I'm desperate to get back to my size 12/14 old self (I'm 5' 10"), especially with children who will look to Mummy as a role model and want her to be full of energy to keep up with them. I'd die inside if they ever said I was an embarrassment to them.
HELP!!!!

Just a bump really so someone more helpful than me will respond! I do sympathise with your post. I think it has been shown that tiredness causes weight gain. In addition I don't know if you are breastfeeding but that can make people ravenous too.

One idea might be not to go on a diet for the next couple of months but to be aware of the fact you want to lose weight and make the best choices you can when shopping in the supermarket, going to cafes etc.

There is an emotional eaters thread on the low carb section and also some paleo/primal threads which might be an option. Primal is like a more relaxed low carb diet - you can have nuts fruit and all veg even some grey area carbs on some plans such as rice or potato but these are apparently best eaten in the evening. Primal eating is what I am trying to do - it feels right but even so I am not great at maintaining it partly through lasiness tbh and partly due to the addictive nature of things like bread and chocolate.

Hope you find something helpful but don't worry I don't think it is that uncommon to gain weight after giving birth.

I think you should go very easy on yourself, OP. You're recently post-partum, you are exhausted, youre snatching food between feeds and chores, you're probably still boiling with hormones. Do you have much support with the children? Is breastfeeding making you hungry? Is the baby fractious? Is eating the only daily treat you can give yourself at the moment? It sounds as if some insight into why you are bingeing might help you.

I agree with the pp that you shouldn't even consider a diet now. I often find that pushes me to overeat - the 'oh Christ, I shouldn't be having this, I'm starting a strict diet tomorrow, which means I should eat an entire apple tart now, because I won't be able to again' thing. Are there things (time of day, exhaustion, particular moods, specific foods) that trigger a binge?