Support and Motivation Needed

[lazurda]

Hi everyone

I've rejoined MN recently after a bit of a break. I really feel the need at the moment to plug into a network as I'm a bit low and completely stuck regarding trying to lose a bit of weight.

Please don't flame me, as they say! I'm 55, 5'9" tall and weigh 11 stones. I've what I call an upside down pear shape, i.e. largish bust, medium waist small hips - size 14 top and size 12 bottom.

So not majorly overweight you understand. Probably not overweight at all in the big scheme of things.

But I can feel myself getting out of control. I have a reasonably active lifestyle but am not in paid work at present and spend a lot of my time on my own at home.

If I'm honest it's a bit of a lonely life and snacking provides comfort. If I'm honest, my social life is based on lunch and coffees with friends - all of whom seem to want to talk about dieting!

I've always prided myself on eating quite healthily but find it hard cooking meals both I and my DH can eat as he hates almost all fruit and veg - loves meat and potatoes.

So I feel my eating patterns are very erratic - I'll snack throughout the day then cut out my evening meal.

The pressing problem for me is a two week holiday in the sun at the beginning of July, followed by a wedding I'm attending at the end of July.
I have in my head I need to lose 7lbs - 10 would be even better.

Problem is - I just can't get myself motivated - I think it's because I don't actually look all that bad.

As I'm tall I can get away with a lot, and I am past master at dressing to hide my "imperfections".

I have done SW in the past, successfully. I can't face classes any more and I think I have to sign up for 3 months to do it online.

Last week I tried simply "cutting down" and was really disappointed today not to have lost anything at all over 7 days.

I start the week full of good intentions but by Wednesday seem to have lost the plot.

I want to ask also about exercise but I'll leave that till later, as I've rambled enough.

Sorry, I know it's not a major weight-loss problem, but it is for me - I am getting really down about it....

Anyone out there able to give me a boost? Thanks in advance xx

It sounds like you're getting into a depressive spiral with this. And I don't think necessarily that weight is at the heart of it. On one hand you're setting very high goals for yourself (I NEED to lose 7lbs by July) vs accepting yourself the way you are (I don't actually look all that bad).

Can I suggest that you step away from the weight issue and look at how food and exercise make you feel? It's a technique from CBT counselling - think about what makes you feel better, then do more of it!

So maybe plan what you'd like to eat during the day, when you are in full control, then prepare a nice dinner that you can enjoy with your DH (albeit with a few more veggies on the side!). Perhaps suggest to your friends that you go for a walk instead of a coffee? Or a walk before the coffee? And definitely write down everything you eat and drink! (so easy to forget what's going in, I find)

Also, please keep an eye on your mood - if you've gone from a working life with other people around all the time to being at home on your own, it's a really hard transition (I know). And very easy to eat the feelings (I also know this). So could you also try to find things that you enjoy and get you back into a social world?

Thanks bolshie - appreciate your kind reply. You seem to understand.
I have had body and food related issues all my adult life and really ought to have conquered them by now. I have an obsessive perfectionist nature which doesn't help.
The forward planning idea is a good one, as is writing it all down.
The mood thing is also relevant, I have had depression on and off over the years.
As for not being at work, yes I think sometimes I have too much time on my hands and so, too much time to think.
Walking's good as I have joined and rejoined gyms in the past and if I'm honest, I don't like them any more.
I shall try swimming as we have a decent local pool and I have a couple of dog owning friends who I can walk with.
Hate to sound like such a whiner...sorry, have just got in a bit of a tail-spin.
Any one else out there who struggles with the dreadful "final half stone"?

I think it is tricky when you are already a healthy weight but I know what you mean.
I was 9.7 at 5.2 a couple of weeks ago..I have now lost a couple of pounds and am also working towards a holiday at the beginning of July. however I flit between super motivated and strict and thinking I shouldn't really care as I'm already an ok bmi.
This week I'm going to start again with mfp as it gives me some structure to work to..but also work on improving my confidence as ideally I'd like to feel ok to wear a bikini however I look and know that striving for those last vanity pounds isn't really necessary although I'd hope I'd feel more comfortable in myself sadly there are no guarantees.

Thank you too away, that's helpful too. I too flit between the extremes and I take your point about vanity pounds.
The difference that last half stone would make for me would be all my size 12 "bottoms" - shorts, trousers - fitting comfortably as opposed to being that bit too snug.
I'm a bit worried about things like MFP as doesn't it entail recording every scrap you eat?
You see doing that would probably make me even more obsessed.
I have arranged a good hour's walk tomorrow evening with a friend and will also do 30 mins swimming tomorrow. I did several sets of arm exercises at home today with my weights and have started a notebook to record all this.
I know it is hopeless expecting another person to help me in this but I get frustrated with my DH as he has turned into such a couch potato of late (granted he has a demanding job) - he just wants to crash at nights and weekends - but I could do with someone to motivate me. Even just to say it's a nice evening let's go for a walk. We live in a large village and there are some nice walks but for some reason I feel desperately self-conscious out walking the streets on my own.
If I cook a "healthy" dinner, he bolts it down and sits there implying I haven't fed him enough in either quality or quantity.
Help - feel like I'm whining again. I know I can only do it for myself.

Why don't you try Paul McKenna's book Freedom from Emotional Eating. www.amazon.co.uk/Freedom-Emotional-Eating-CD-DVD/dp/0593064070/
I've also had a problem with food all my life and also had a self destruct button.
It's been amazing to use the CD and DVD and no longer have cravings for things.
You could also find that you feel better about yourself with the CD too.