So far I have lost 3 stone 6 pounds, with the hope of losing another 2 stone. (My top weight was 17 stone 9, and I'm 5'5).
When I started losing weight, initially it was purely for health reasons. I had a lot of aches and pains, my ankles and knees were suffering, and honestly my digestive system just felt fucked! When I started losing weight I started feeling better, but also started looking better and I enjoyed this by-product, and this really spurred me on.
A friend of mine has just started doing "comparison" photos, before and after weight loss, and I thought I'd dig out some of my old photos, and this is where I start to feel sad. On all my old photos I look really happy. I was happy, I didn't really think about how I looked, didn't look in a mirror. I was free in a way!!
Since I've started focussing on my weight loss, and how I look, I realise I am considerably less happy. I notice how fat I still am. I notice how far I've got left to go. I notice how clothes look on me. All these things passed me by when I was really fat!!
I think maybe I feel sad because I find this journey a bit consuming at times. I'm always having to plan my gym trips around the children, and work, and spending what little time I have with my husband. On my days off from work I'm thinking of what we can have for tea for the next 5 nights etc. It feels like to lose the weight I can't escape from it. (and I'm not "dieting" as such, it's a "lifestyle change")
I can't lose focus. Though I was happy before, I don't want to go back as I do enjoy buying clothes now (something I've recently discovered) and I do feel really healthy and fit. I just wish I felt happier about it all...
Does this sound familiar to anyone??