Im fat miserable and useless.

[stupidfatugly]

Ive never been slim or pretty. Im fat and im not talking a couple of pounds overweight. I could lose half of me and would be ok. Losing all of me seems like a better option right now. Things are really hard right now and i have a lot to deal with but i keep getting fatter. I dont know why. I dont eat lots i cut out crisps sweets and cake. My body is just punishing me for being so useless. I quit smoking and put on weight, i started exercising and ended up in hospital needing surgery. I tried exercising again and it just caused pain. I dont know what i can do. Right now im drinking water. Thats it because clearly i cant eat anything without it making me fatter.
It would have been better for everybody if he just killed me

i just want to be normal. I want to be un noticeable and when your as bad as me people notice for the wrong reasons.

I've not got much advice I'm afraid but couldn't ignore your post , I put on a lot of weight quitting smoking as well. Firstly cut yourself some slack you've done a really hard thing .I find exercise has a bigger impact than diet , could just start a nice long walk somewhere pretty as you sound very low ,try any classes local to you , I started by shuffling around at the back ! Go easy on yourself

It's really difficult to know how to respond to this, because I don't know you or what you're going through. I have had clinical depression in the past though, so I do know how it is to feel totally hopeless and worthless. All I can say is please please find someone you can talk to about this.

Whatever awful things you think and feel about yourself there are things about you that are worthwhile and positive and special and important. Please find someone who can help you focus on these things. Could you speak to your GP? They might be able to help with any health issues, but also referring you to counselling - this might help.

Hey lovely, didn't want to read and run, although I'm sure other people better able to help will be along.

Can you do some gentle walking, do you think?

Maybe your GP could refer you for some physio, if you i jured yourself through exercise?

I do a lot of walking. It doesnt make any difference. The doctor refered me to a dietician and she just patronised me and told me what i already knew

What pain are you getting from exercise? Surely that's worth going to the GP about?

I had abdominal surgery so any time i do much it hurts. Surgery was 8 weeks ago. I wish they could have just cut all the fat out

i just dont want to be broken anymore

Well, that's major surgery, isn't it, so I suppose no-one bounces back from that immediately.

But going back to your GP is still a good idea, imo. I'd ask about the ongoing pain and ask to be referred for physio too.

I had knee surgery and had physio after that. I found it very helpful, not only about my knee, but also for picking their brains about exercise in general. They probably found me annoying!

Hello. I can totally empathise with a lot of what you are saying - everything apart from the surgery.

I was just wondering whether you have ever been treated for depression? The reason being that it is so hard to be kind to yourself when you have such a negative self-image/low self-esteem.

For me, as for many people, depression was the 'illness' as it were, and once that was treated I could start to tackle losing weight, improving my appearance etc.

im really struggling right now. I feel like everything is just too much. I need to get control but i dont know how

Hi! Are you doing any better now? How is the pain? You did not post since then.

I am sorry you're feeling so bad about yourself.
It really hurts me to hear you talk about yourself this way. :(
I hope you realize that you are as worthwhile as the next person.
Nobody does the world any good just by sitting around, no matter how skinny and pretty they are.
We only do good (and become good) by reaching out and helping others, in large ways and small.
And you can do that at any weight.
The world will not remember what you (or I, or anyone) looked like, after we're gone.
It will remember what we did.
That's what counts.
I'm sure you are a kind loving person who is capable of helping and supporting others.
Try to give yourself the same kindness and compassion you would give to a friend who was struggling.
Hugs.

I've just read this. OP, I hope you are getting help from someone - it sounds like there are definite medical and psychological things going on for you, and you won't be able to address those on your own. I don't have any advice other than you can't do this on your own. But your post made me very angry, and not with you. Angry at a world that makes fat people feel worthless. It's bonkers. You're not worthless, and being overweight does not make you in any way a bad person. Please, please, go to your GP and insist on getting some help because you deserve to feel a whole lot better than you're feeling at the moment.