WWYD (or say) in response to uninvited weight comments...

[Glimmerberry]

Please excuse the intrusion, hoping for a little experienced advice.

I'm due to be in the company of an old work colleague through a necessary networking event next week. We used to be good work-friends but obviously weren't sufficiently good friends to remain in contact for the 4 years I've been working in an entirely different area.

4 years ago, when we last saw each other, I was single and went to the gym 5/6 days a week, and went for runs when my happily married friends spent weekends with their families. I sat at the lower end of my BMI green range. This didn't stop him commenting on my weight all the time e.g. when I gained about 4 pounds after a relationship break up, he saw me and declared I'd gained a lot of weight and should get ahold of myself, and absolutely refused to believe me when I shrugged it off as 4 pounds, declaring it had to be at least 1 stone.

Now, I'm married and have a gorgeous 2 year old DS and I'm about 2 stone heavier, which is really just at the upper limit of my BMI green range so I'm kind of sturdy/chunky I suppose. I know I should try and adopt a healthier lifestyle and I will do when it feels do-able -we're about to move leading to huge changes in lifestyle including less commuting, sharing childcare, easier access to parks, gym etc -so not worried right now.

I just know that when I see this guy again he's going to feel he has free reign to critique my appearance, particularly my weight, and I feel like I need a plan for how to respond. Something that isn't overly defensive, or passive aggressive...aiming for "my life is so wonderful I can be nonchalant about this"!

Any ideas?

how about the simple"you've always been a rude fucker....and you're no oil painting either"
(misses the nonchalent brief )

He clearly fancies you but knows you're out of his league!! (Even when you were single.) Why not just say 'well I'm happily married to a real man who appreciates a real woman, with curves. I'm happier than I've ever been so who cares!! Oooh, is that a bald spot?'

Or pretend you don't remember him and mention how it's been a while and apologies, but he looks so different!!

I've never used this line myself before but have heard it many times on mumsnet - "Wow, did you mean that to sound so rude?" then just watch him squirm. Am secretly dying for someone to be really rude so I can use it!

I'm happy with the way I am. Are you? I only ask because people who are so quick to point out others' perceived flaws are often unhappy with themselves. Are you all right?

What an unbelievable asshole. Absolutely DO not respond to this crap. Who cares if it's two stone or four pounds or you're exercising or not. Really. The only reaction to "Wow, you've let yourself go, you should lose weight" is "I'd forgotten how much of a wanker you are. Bye".

FruminousBandersnatch I love that.

I might even shorten it to:

I'm happy the way I am. Are you? You look...umm...tired?

Not really giving PA much of a berth but I think turning it back to him will take him by suprise. There is a cultural element to this with him coming from a group that can be rather more misogynistic than your average guy. I think he really feels entitled to critique women in this way and doesn't expect to be examined or have to meet any sort of standards himself. He has also told me, without being asked, unrelated to any conversation, "I think it's time you grew your hair now" during a short hair phase, and told me off for dumping a boyfriend (good on paper, no chemistry, bad sex) because he was probably the best I could do. Unfortunately ahead of becoming comfortable enough to make these comments he was on better behaviour and we became friends. I later started avoiding him but we worked closely so that was fairly unsuccessful. He is a huge wanker. Before I left the area I suspected he was using prostitutes.