Really need help

[littlemissangrypants]

Ok so I have always been a very slim child. A lot of that was due to being starved by my mother. My sister and myself have huge issues and even when bones where showing on us mum still said we were fat. She starved us so badly I used to feed my siblings out of the bin.
I grew up and became pregnant and for the first time I was eating properly. Only problem was that I couldn't stop eating. I started hording food in the house. I ended up a size 28 having always been a size 0. My mother died and I became ill with heart problems. I lost a huge amount of weight due to it all and ended up a size 12.
Only problem is that I'm a size 22 again as I just can't give up the eating. My bed broke new years eve due to my weight. I really want to lose weight but I've never learned normal eating so really don't know where to start.
I need help but really not sure how to do this again.
Thank you for reading this and letting me get it all out

I'm really sorry for what you've gone through.. I also struggled with eating disorders as a teenager and still struggle with dieting and binging but it's better than before and I'm sure you can get out of it if helped..
I once bumped in this website which seems very helpful, I don't live in the uk though, but you could have a look.. there're lots of people there who have gone through this and can help you..
www.b-eat.co.uk/
Hope the best for you, many hugs!

Thank you for the link. I will check it all out. It helps knowing there are other people like me around and that they can get better. Thanks again for answering my post. It means a lot

I'm sorry for what you've been through too. It sounds horrendous.

Do you cook?
What kind of food are you eating at the moment?

If you eat a lot and constantly, I think you need to think about eating at meal times only and perhaps one snack a day if you really need it.

Give yourself times at which you intend to eat meals like breakfast around 9, lunch around 1 for example and try to stick to that. Don't eat outside of your meal times.

Try to include lots of vegetables and protein in your diet and stay away from sugar. Drink lots of water too.

I wonder if something like this would help you?

www.zest4life.eu/success-stories.php

Its basically a very sensible eating plan based on eating low GL foods - so not much sugar, but plenty of unrefined carbs, lean protein, nuts, pulses, veg etc. I felt loads better on it - AND NEVER HUNGRY!

The courses are run by nutritionalists, and every week you go and learn a bit more about how foods can affect you, your health, your moods etc.

You are weighed every week, but its all very low key and uncompetitive unlike SW and WW - believe me - I've done them all!

Little miss, have you ever had any counselling? I was bulimic for quite a few years and still struggle not to binge. And of course as soon as I am miserable it all kicks off again.

I am currently doing a very low calorie diet and for the first time in ages I feel in control. But of course the work starts when the diet ends. Still for my mental health it is helping.

I really think that you should see your gp and ask for some mental health support. You need to learn not to blame yourself (at least that is what I am picking up from your op) - you sound lovely. ((((Squidge))))

Little I was very moved by your post. Food was also an issue for me growing up, there was never enough some days. What you must realise is that your terrible childhood is over. Gone. Finished. I read a fantastic post I. MN where a mnetter came on and said to go back to the child version of yourself and give her a hug and tell her its going to be ok. It sounds crazy but it works. I have a few food issues and was 2 stone over weight. I've lost a stone and am working on the second.

I had a lightbulb moment where I realised that I had to stop treating my body badly and break the cycle. Tell us what you eat daily, make a commitment to one goal ie no fizzy drinks/ crisps/ snacks today. Come back everyday and update your post. Or even better find a thread on here that you join and we can support you.

It's time to walk (or run) away from the shackles and demons of your childhood. I know I sound cuckoo but I really think the root of all this in your childhood and if you can find a way of accepting it was bad and that it is now over, you might be in a better position to control your eating.

Here for you if you need support.

Thank you very much for the messages. I'm going to try very hard to beat this but I know that I will struggle alone.
To answer some questions , no I have not had counselling and the last time I went it went very badly. Also I am worried about going to GP as i work as a care worker so this might affect my work. There were other issues in my childhood too but I kind of have to deal alone with it.

I don't want to lose my job. My partner helps a huge amount and has already said that he will go swimming with me. I struggle to leave my house alone as I have some issues with crowds. For some reason i manage it all at work. Maybe that is because I'm helping someone else and not myself. I've always had that problem.

I bake a lot so I always have cakes and things in house for my kids and also for church. My cooking skills are not that good although my partner says I am very good. I guess I can follow a receipe but if something has to be cooked on the hob I very and it tends to affect how I feel about the result of the cooking (if you know what I mean). If I can stick it in the oven it normally turns out great.

I mostly eat junk so anything that makes me feel good. I can eat ten packets of crisps in just a couple of hours. I also eat a huge amount of sweets. Really just all the things I never had as a child. If I eat more normally I will have one meal a day. In more normal times I have eaten porridge for breakfast, a sandwich at lunch and then something for dinner.

I always struggle with dinner as I never know what to make. I don't like meat, only eat some veg. I love tomatoes, sweetcorn, chicken and cheese. Those are the foods I seem to have limited myself to. I love pasta and sauce with it. I have a well equipped kitchen so no excuse really.

Sorry this is so long and thank you for listening. Am actually sat here crying so thank you