I hate hate hate my disgusting body and I want to do something about it, but something that's right for me and doesn't end up as another failure to beat myself up about.
Please advise me what to do? It's only after writing the below do I realise what a massive problem I have with food, & any advice would be appreciated!
In summary:
- have become disabled and therefore mainly bed bound, so metabolism is shot, and also I end up eating rubbish instead of meals as physically easier to open a packet. However I do have helpers who could prepare meals, but they need direction which I don't have!
- I totally comfort eat chocolate / biscuits as life is miserable. I've been trying to work on the depression but feel losing weight would help with mental state as well so it's a cop out to excuse fat/ over eating as a side effect - its a cause too so I need to address it somehow
- I have been a veggie for 15 yrs but told its medically I'll advised, so am trying to eat meat & fish, but don't know what I like or how to cook it - adds to the screwed up relationship with food. Psych self up to eat the occasional chicken breast/ salmon fillet/ piece of beef, and force self to eat it, but can't enjoy it, partly cos it's just a slab on my plate all at once, & cos I don't know how to cook it/ tell carers to cook it. Hate eating fat or gristle so letting people cook me whatever they want hasnt been a success, like the bacon, leek & pasta in white sauce should have been nice but couldn't eat cos they'd used lardons and I was getting mouthfuls of fat making me gag, so abandoned it and ate rich yea biscuits later :(
- Im supposed to eat a high protein, high salt diet, neither of which am used to, so failing at protein, & defaulting to eating crisps for the salt which is really rubbish dietrary addition! Also no caffeine as effects me badly, and i drink huge amounts of water (3-4l a day), although I try to drink less am thirsty all the time (think its part of my illness).
- I always feel bloated & nauseous, so identifying food I like is really hard, meal planning is grim, and I end up eating 'dry' food (biscuits, crisps, snacks, bread, scones etc) as it doesn't go off, so doesn't matter if I get it out then can't face it, as will eat it later and can keep by my bed. The only other thing I eat is fruit, so at least I get something with nutrients in!
- am trying to write a weekly menu plan as aware I eat awfully and the food wastage/ money wastage is terrible as I'll overbuy stuff thinking I should eat it, but then don't/ feel sick/ can't think of a meal from the good I've bought/ give up in despair
So really, if you read this all... Any ideas? It's a real mess and I feel like I'm hiding this all and I'm ashamed at how bad it's got.