Will I ever learn? When will this end

[mamalula]

I have been a fat teenager, fatter in my 20s and obese in my 30s. I have tried every diet under the sun and read every self-help book from Fat is a feminist issue to Feel the Fear and do it anyway . I have had hypnosis, joined a gym, done my fitness pal and I am still FAT. I am at a loss! I went to an indoor play centre with my boys today and took my ds1 to the toilet and caught a gimps of myself in the mirror and wanted to die. Not only did I look fat, ugly, badly dressed and tired I looked OLD too. I feel so ashamed. My dh and I are off for a weekend away staying in a yurt, my inlaws are are coming to look after the boys and I am kind of dreading it. It is the first time we will be alone for nearly 4 years and I should be excited and all I feel is so unattractive. Our sex life is pretty non-existant and I think this is supposed to be a romantic weekend away, what a nightmare. Sorry to be so negative and whingy but just feeling so lost. If anyone can help me... God so pathetic.

I'm sorry you feel this way :( I'm not very good at the advice, but just wanted to give you a mumsnetty pat

Thank you, you are sweet! It's not been easy and it's nice to know someone is understanding.

It's not easy, well... putting the weight on is easy, but the getting it off. I piled on 5 stone when I left school due to working in a restaurant and 10 years later I'm only in the mindset to finally do something about it.

I guess that's the key, you've got to want to do it for yourself.

Have you had your thyroid checked? Also what diets exactly have you tried?

I know what its like to hate how you look in the mirror, i've been there.

Your op is very familiar and I nodded along with all of it but .... we are our own worst critic. Somewhere beyond that image that you have glimpsed today is the woman your DH fell in love with and that is the woman he is looking forward to going away with for the weekend. Why not try and concentrate on your positives? what do you like about yourself that is not related to your weight, your eyes? your hair? start to concentrate on them. Could you do something to pamper yourself?

If you think the weekend is going to be stressful why not take sex off the menu but concentrate on enjoying each others company or being intimate - almost like dating again.

Only when you brain is in gear can you tackle the weight - I joined SW for the umpteempth time in Feb and have struggled to weigh 1.5 stones. I have always struggled with my weight and got to the point where I could hardly bear to look at myself in the mirror. But my reason for the weight loss now is cos I am ready to do it because I was fed up of feeling like shit.

So have some rather than be positive that you are wanting to do something about it and enjoy your weekend in the yurt!

Sadly, the only person who can change you is you, and at the moment it sounds as though you don't like or care much about you. It all sounds a bit 'woo' and hippy lentil-weavery, but it's true - until you like yourself you won't be able to take action.

I can highly recommend WeightWatchers as a weight loss method, but your mind needs to be in the right place to succeed. Weightwatchers will show you what a 'normal' portion is, how much you can eat without being fat, which foods you need to limit and which ones you can eat freely. It's realistic and unglamorous and it works. The group discussion thing is nice too, and if you get a good leader they can be brilliant support. You say you've tried every diet under the sun, but IMO the key is to be mentally ready to do it.