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Weight loss chat

A space to talk openly about weight loss journeys and challenges. Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. You may wish to speak to a medical professional before starting any diet.

Original poster

Negative comments on losing weight

26 replies

dontcallmehon · 31/10/2012 22:29

My family have commented on my recent weight loss, saying that I shouldn't lose to much. My mum says my face is too thin. I don't think I'm particularly thin, I am 9 stone 8 and 5"7. I don't want to lose much more, maybe half a stone or so. Am I going too far, or are my family wrong?

OP posts:
littleanne73 · 01/11/2012 02:00

Mums know best that's why we all come here! Be happy and healthy and guided by those who know you best!

rosemarysage · 01/11/2012 03:11

I am 5"4 and my aim is also 9 stone. I am not good at telling what the best weight for height is in anyone else, but just know for myself about 9 stone is right.

But weirdly I have had 2 people (who are overweight) question me about how much more weight I was thinking of losing, and pretty much telling me not to lose too much (which I never intended to do anyway, as I prefer a more middling look). It was a bit weird I felt as I wouldn't say anything to anyone else about their weight, one way or the other.

My mother is another great one for this sort of thing, though she would also be the type to one minute say I had lost enough weight, and in another turn around and make some put-down comment about someone else being slimmer, nicer looking or whatever. Hmm Confused

I think some people feel threatened by other people's success as weight loss. And some people are so used to seeing overweight people they don't know what normal should look like. And sometimes people take time to adjust to a new look (even a haircut or new clothes). I think a lot of mothers from a generation ago were raised to think they should be fattening us up and I suppose they find it hard to let go of that (I am not in the UK though so not sure if this applies in the UK).

I would be inclined to ask for another opinion other than your mothers as she is probably too emotionally involved, though it is hard to get people to be honest about appearance and weight as people are afraid to be insulting, so at the end of the day you are probably just better off deciding yourself.

rosemarysage · 01/11/2012 03:15

Forgot to say that 9 stone for you would still be within a normal BMI (19.7) so healthwise it looks like it would be ok. I probably prefer to be of a slightly higher BMI for me (21-22) but that is probably a matter of taste more than anything.

HollyMadison · 01/11/2012 05:35

You sound a healthy weight for your height. These sort of comments are just jealousy or insecurity on the part of those making them. I've had people comment about my weight all my life and by the time I got to adulthood I realized that anyone who comments on another's weight is just thinking about their own. Don't seek opinions, just ignore and enjoy being you :)

Rockchick1984 · 04/11/2012 10:30

Pre pregnancy I fluctuated between 9 and 10 stone, and I'm 5'7". At the time I was happier at the lower end of that, however I'm now losing weight with the aim of getting to 9st7 as looking back on photos I realise I was incredibly skinny at my lowest - that half stone made the difference for me of being a size 6-8 or being an 8-10 (depending on shops). At 9st I did look scrawny rather than slim, it showed more on my face than anywhere else.

Obviously everyone is different, but for me I feel it's too skinny at my height, and understand where your mum is coming from :)

cinnamongreyhound · 04/11/2012 11:22

I lost 5st 9lb in 8 months and have been maintaining for 3 months and I have had a lot of negative comments. My weight of 9st 4 puts me at a bmi of 21.5 which is pretty much in the middle of normal, I'm 5'5". I have big legs, there are no considerably smaller but still proportionally larger than the rest of me so I think that makes my top half quite thin for my weight iyswim. Personally I think people get used to you at a certain weight and then when you lose it you look much thinner than a person who has always been the same weight as you as there's nothing to compare them to!

Dh insists its jealousy but I like to think more highly of people! Your family are being caring and concerned about you but that doesn't mean they are right. You have to be comfortable in your skin and that's what matters. My body shape has changed considerably and it's taken me a while to get used to, I wouldn't have chosen my figure but wanted to be a healthy bmi (have been overweight or obese my whole adult life) and this is the frame underneath all the flab so I have to learn to love it :)

TalkinPeace2 · 04/11/2012 12:55

OP
a couple of things to check - what is your "build" - there are BMI calibration sites that link your wrist circumference to your size as some people have naturally narrower bones
also
how fit are you?
just that lean looks better than thin
so if you are toned - yoga and pilates are great - then you will still have curves in the right places without lumps in the wrong ones
compare athletes with catwalk models ... that little bit of muscle looks good

scarlettsmummy2 · 04/11/2012 13:10

You are an inch smaller than me but around the same weight. To be honest I think half a stone more could make you look emaciated and gaunt. I think your mums right. Also, how will you sustain it?

TalkinPeace2 · 04/11/2012 13:24

Sorry but I have to disagree with OP's Mum.
look here : www.cockeyed.com/photos/bodies/507-130.html
and look up the 9 stone 5'7" people
not much gaunt there
OP is well within a healthy weight range for a young fit person
but we in the west have become too accepting of podge.

mosschops30 · 04/11/2012 13:28

Im 5.7 and currently weigh 9st 4lbs

I used to be between 7.5st and 8st Shock I thought i looked great but those people who said I looked ill or too thin I just dismissed as being jealous. Although now I know they were right!
I have just found a trainer who actively encourages me to gain weight rather than lose it, and tells me my body is perfect all the time Smile It just needs a good tone!

So i would say that at your weight youre pretty perfect too. But dont ignore thoe who love you like I did

RubyrooUK · 04/11/2012 13:54

Are you slimmer now because you eat a healthy balanced diet OP?

I agree that some people are jealous of weight loss and very negative. I've always been very slim and colleagues used to try and "feed me up". It drove me mad. My mum (who is herself very slim) used to comment on anything I ate and I'd eat more than I wanted just to avoid comments. Now after many years, most people just accept that's me.

But on the other hand, I have a friend who lost loads of weight but was essentially starving herself half the time. She didn't want to do anything any more that might gain weight - no nights out, no meals. So a lot of friends (including me) did worry about her as she hasn't really changed her lifestyle and instead became fixated on her weight. We found it quite hard to feel really positive about her weight loss and mainly avoided the topic.

If you lost weight through sensible eating, then your family are just being a bit odd. Don't worry about it if you are happy.

Original poster
dontcallmehon · 05/11/2012 16:08

Thanks for the responses. I think my diet is ok - lots of fruit and veg, but some takeaways and wine too.

The reason I have lost weight is because I have been doing the alternate day fasting method of eating. Every other day (sometimes I miss a day if I'm invited out or something) I restrict myself to 400 ish calories. The rest of the time I have my normal diet and don't restrict myself at all. I will just fast 1 or 2 days a week when I've lost half a stone. The weight is coming off very slowly now, which is fine as I haven't got lots to lose.

I don't feel too slim - I'm a size 10 ish with curvy hips.

OP posts:
Original poster
dontcallmehon · 05/11/2012 16:09

Forgot to add, I'm a medium build.

OP posts:
TalkinPeace2 · 05/11/2012 19:53

how many calories are you aiming for on your feed days?
enough to keep your TDEE stable?
I'm doing 5:2 and will drop back to 6:1 when my BMI gets to 20.
It might be worth you dropping back to 5:2 and upping the exercise so that what is revealed by the weight loss is toned and lean, rather than skinny :-)

Sharpkat · 05/11/2012 19:58

I am also 5' 7" but 10st 13lbs. Have lost 5 stone 4lbs. I actually look really gaunt at this weight and you can see all my ribs but I do have a massive frame. Built like my dad who was 6' 4" and 17 stone but looked thin. Everyone is saying I have lost too much and yet I am considerably heavier than you and same height.

Am happy the way I am and proud of losing it all Grin

TalkinPeace2 · 05/11/2012 21:10

Well done you sharpkat - there is no harm in looking a bit angular - but I will reiterate - do plenty of yoga so you are lean not thin ....

Original poster
dontcallmehon · 05/11/2012 21:50

I don't count cals rigidly on the feed days, but aim for about 2000. I used to exercise a lot, but I am struggling for time at the moment, as I work evenings and have ds all day.

OP posts:
CrunchyFrog · 05/11/2012 21:58

I started at 16 stone and am now veering between 10 and 10.5 depending on when in the month it is.

I found that people were congratulatory and happy for me until EXACTLY the point that I got thinner than them. Grin Then suddenly they're all concerned.

Loads of people now saying I shouldn't lose more - but I'm an apple shaped size 10-12, and have a small frame I think (wrist 5.5") so still fat around the middle.

TalkinPeace2 · 05/11/2012 22:08

Crunchy
tee hee - yup, while they could think "I'm thinner than her" you made them feel superior, then one day that no longer worked.

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 08/11/2012 11:12

Crunchy has hit the nail on the head, that is exactly what I've found too!

KirstyMcDonaldson · 08/11/2012 11:23

Crunchy Same here! When I got down to chubby looking sz14 from a sz20 they were praising me so much it was embarassing (sp?) but now I'm an 8 they are all distinctly quiet about it!!

I'm a BMI of 21.5 in the healthy range but get lots of 'ooo you've lost too much'. Makes me mad!

ThePinkNinja · 09/11/2012 08:45

Just wanted to say congrats on the loss :)

Most people probably are jealous.

But do make sure that you know in your own mind where you want to be and how far is too far in terms if skinniness. This means you know youre not going to far, and you Annan dismiss any negativity.

Also have a standard response for the comments. I can't think of anything witty right now (sorry!) but if you come up with a good one That'll help you stop all the naysayers in their tracks ... :)

Congrats again!!

TalkinPeace2 · 09/11/2012 22:26

there is a big difference between skinny and lean
slim, minimal fat, well toned bodies are irresistible to the opposite sex - especially spouses
bony bums and droopy boobs might look good on the catwalk but do not really appeal to anybody.
aim for lean and smooth - it will last you into your 90's

Original poster
dontcallmehon · 10/11/2012 21:00

Thanks for the congrats. I don't seem to be losing any more at the moment, which is rather frustrating. I don't think I look at all bony and I would love to go to the gym, but I work every evening and weekend and look after ds all day. Sadly I don't think the gym will help the droopy boobs. Surgery might be my only option there!

OP posts:
cinnamongreyhound · 11/11/2012 01:00

Sadly, I think droopy boobs is a side effect of once weighing too much and having been pregnant at least once!!