Do you ever, ever feel thin enough?

[GetOrfAKAMrsUsainBolt]

I am just feeling a bit pissed off and perhaps need a kick up the arse.

My weight has fluctuated wildly in the last year, I have been rather ill with a chronic condition and had to take all sorts, including strong steroids etc. So initially lost weight, then put it all back on plus an extra 2 stone, then lost it, then put some on again, then lost it again (have now cut down steroids which helps).

My normal weight is 10 - 10 stone 7. Anything above that I feel very large.

I am down to 10 stone 2 now and look in the mirror and just think I look huge. Normally at this weight I feel thin, now I don't. I know it is incredibly shallow but I feel depressed. I look like shit. I do train (Jillian Michaels stuff and mild weight training) so am toned, my stomach is defined looking, but all I see is back fat, arm wobbles, fucking cellulite everywhere and general shitness.

I am feeling down in the dumps anyway about various things, but wonder if the fact I have lost and put on so much weight in a year means I don't look very good, skin tone or something.

Oh I don't know. I just want to feel normal again (i.e. slim like i usually am).

Fairly obviously you're not overweight

so that leaves your head being 'fat' - I wonder if you're not vain but instead just picking on yourself? You've had a pretty tough year with all that illness and I wonder if you're just fucked off with your body and projecting it on to it's 'slackness' or 'fatness' - there's not a lot of self liking there.

How about instead a programme of self-nurture? Massage, aromatherapy, whatever nice shit floats your boat

Often in all those variable weights there's not many opportunities for self acceptance or kindness to self.

no! Does anyone? Last week a friend (who also lives on MN) said 'are we STILL doing this?' it has obviously become slightly annoying, two or more decades on

conversely I have felt too thin (not currently), usually when getting down to some sexuals and there have been sharp angular bits of me or when the other person has said 'that was like shagging a bundle of twigs' - but never just right thin enough sort of thin

GOML I agree with BIWI. I think this is a " head " issue cos you've been poorly. Any chance you could take a day or two away somewhere interesting (city break with a Mate?) is the exercise you do fun or dutiful? If the latter, can you find something more fun in itself - swimming, dancing etc?

Anyone tried yoga? It's great for fitness generally, but it really does stop you putting the 'wrong' kind of stuff into your mouth - don't know how that works - it's subtle. Your body really does start to become a 'temple' - I'm not being funny. Just dropped lower-half dress size. You have to do it every day, though.

I would love to go away, but am very busy at work when I go back until Christmas (which is pretty good) - plus need to be sensible with money as have to move to a new house soon.

I am planning to go skiing at Christmas though (sod the expense).

That's funny as I would like to try yoga but the only place which does it round here is a gym, and there is no point ibn forking out to join, I never go. I do like old Jillian Michaels, though.

Thanks everyone, I do think it is mental more than physical. I weighed myself this morning and I am 10 stone 1 and in the mirror look like Hattie Jacques.

Stop looking in the mirror! Or stop weighing yourself. Or both, preferably.

Get your sensible head back on.

And make some time for you to do something lovely.

I'm not as slim as you...but BMI 21ish and 3lb off my target but feel like a total blob. I decided to start the shred and got dd to take before pics of me in underwear....and they were NOWHERE near as bad as I thought they'd be and way better than I seem to look in the mirror (there's still quite a way of toning to go of course but not as depressing as i'd feared)
Maybe a photo will allow you to be more objective and see the tall elegant person other people see ???

I know it probably doesn't help, but I bet you actually look stunning. Tall slim women usually do, and tend to also look elegant (and graceful and willowy and all those lovely things) in a way that someone short like me never ever will.

The weighing scales are on their last legs as teh battery needs replacing, and as I have no idea where to buy batteries which look like 10 pence pieces I will just let it die.

lol at looking in the mirror. I sound like Snow White's wicked stepmother.

Thanks for your support, I know I am being a tosser and shouldn't be so vain but it is sometimes hard not to dwell on crap like this.

Roll on going back to work this week.

it's not really vanity though is it? Or is it?

I think it's just easier than tackling the stuff I'm really worried about. Not that I would even know what that stuff might be, I'm so good at it.