Feeling Fat, Ugly and nearly 40 !

[Fourfingerkitkat]

Title says it all really...I'm not massively over weight...(10st 9lbs). Pre baby weight was 9st 8lbs and I am 5ft 6. But I feel shapeless and flabby and basically shit*. Basic diet is pretty good but then I blow it and eat a lot of crap....and end up feeling like crap. My weight is slowly creeping up and jeans are getting tighter on me...caught sight of myself in a shop window the other day and cringed as I know they are too tight but I'm skint and can't afford to buy a new wardrobe. Plus I think bigger comfier clothes will give me an excuse to continue eating.....

What was your "lightbulb" moment that made you say "enought is enough" and started you losing weight ? Really hope mines comes soon...

Well, just to give you some perspective, I am not far off 40 am also 5ft 6 and my target weight on my diet is just a wee bit higher than your current weight! And I'm currently down to 12st from 14st and think I look pretty good already.

So it's clearly a matter of perspective and you are definitely not massively overweight at all. Sure you're not ugly either. Sounds like you just need to be nice to yourself. Do you have much time for yourself at all post-baby? Are you doing any exercise? The answer might be more about finding some time and doing stuff that'll make you feel better - whether that's health/fitness or just 'getting your life back' type activities, that don't involve eating lots of crap. Although I had more weight to lose than you, this was really my lightbulb moment. That I wanted to get myself back before my next birthday. I knew that would involve some weight loss, but really it was more about lifestyle - going out more, getting fit and taking up new/old interests. That all made the difference in feeling more positive, which is the answer I think.

Thanks for taking the time to reply pinkdelight and I honestly hope you don't think I'm silly a silly b*h talkiing about my weight when you are heavier than me. Your post clearly shows that how we view ourselves should go way beyond the number on the scales.....I think my problem is not having time to myself as you've suggested and the only way I can "treat" myself is by shovelling crap down my throat. I'm trying to remind myself that before the babies and when I was slimmer I felt so much more healthy and confident and make that my focus rather than a magic target weight in my head.

I don't think you're a silly b*h at all! Just trying to show that it's not the weight really. BMI-wise, you're not overweight. So as you say, it's more about how you see yourself now compared with how you used to see yourself (which may be skewed of course so you could be comparing against an ideal there). Makes more sense to focus on healthiness and confidence, which often hit the skids post-kids and need a concerted effort to build them up again. If losing a bit of weight would help you start that process and give you a focus, then that's not a bad thing, especially finding new ways to treat yourself that don't ultimately make you feel worse - going for walks, joining a fitness class, even stuff like telling yourself good things about yourself, even if you don't really believe them at first. It can start to break down the myths we build up about the sort of person we think we've become (fat, lazy, ugly, useless etc) and make you see your strengths more clearly and start feeling strong enough to be good to yourself. Hope that makes some sense.

I felt like you last year... after having DC1 I gained a tonne of weight and went from 9.5 stone to over 11. I was horrified. But I didn't really do much about it (half arced dieting aside)... my lightbulb moment was realising recently that I wasn't 11.5 stone as I thought, but 12.5!!! Agghggggghhhh. That I can't ignore. Back to the gym, back on MFP and I mean it this time. I've done just three weeks of my new routine and have just broken the 12 stone barrier and treated myself a new pair of jeans.

This is your lightbulb moment OP - go for it, things could be (and unless you take action, probably will get) worse.

Good luck!

Cheers No Clue. And well done getting under 12 stone. What's MFP ? Probably something really obvious but can't work that one out !

www.myfitnesspal.com/

It's free and it's brilliant. You can count calories easily (especially if you download the ap for an iPhone if you have one) and input any exercise to keep you on track. I think it's really good if you're not the sort of person that can stick to diets or to cut anything out (i.e. low carbing)

And thanks. I never thought I'd be happy hitting 12 stone (I remember feeling so fat and awful the day I hit 10... not even that long ago. I'd be sooooo happy if I got to 10 stone again now!).

So much of this is in the mind. You're a great weight really, with a bit of exercise and cutting out the junk for a while you'll be feeling fantastic again, honestly. The thing is to take back control of it now, before you get swept away with the fat feeling. Feel fat, get fat, unfortunately.

Good luck!