How to speak to dd about calorie consumption, making healthy choices and limiting treats?

[Earlybird]

DD eats a healthy diet after being a fussy eater as a younger child. This issue is that she often prefers high calorie foods. For example: if she has a jacket potato she will load it up with butter, cheese and bacon. Avocados are a favourite. She has a real sweet tooth.

I have never talked much about what she is eating or how much, as I have wanted her to enjoy her food, and be healthy, strong and energetic. She has always been lean, but am starting to see signs of a round little tummy. I think I should speak to her about being aware of her intake so she doesn't struggle with her weight later.

She is 11.5, so her physical activity will decline as school work becomes more demanding and as she transitions from physically active 'playtime' with friends to alternative and probably more sedentary ways of relaxing.

How are all of you speaking to your dc about limiting their high calorie food intake, and portion sizes? What do you say about treats, do you limit and if so, how?

Puberty is a self-conscious time for many girls, and I don't want to say anything that could upset her or plant seeds for anxiety or worry (my sister recalls a few offhand/tactless comments from parents at this point in her own life that have caused her to fret - and obsess - about her body/weight).

How to have this conversation? And, how to guide dd in an ongoing way?

At 11 are you not mostly responsible for her meals? I would stop buying junk and say its because you're all going to be healthier.

I would steer clear of all talk of body image, calories and round tummies.

PuffPants - thanks for pointing out one of the flaws in my post.

When we are home, she eats well. But we are already on summer break and so are eating out more than we do during the structured school year.

Wow - be so careful, she is the prime age to take anything you say incredibly personally and as criticism and to be set on the wrong path towards eating disorders and body image misery, eeek!

I think it is very important not to tell her she has a round little tummy developing, and if you feel you need to say anything talk about being healthy, not about fat/ weight etc.

My eldest is only 6, we do say "chocolate/ biscuits (etc.) are not for hunger, they are treats" when she or her brother say they are hungry and ask for junk, and we talk a bit about what foods have in them that our bodies need, and why but we don't go further than that. You could talk about what foods have what qualities (fibre, different vitamins, calcium protein, fat, etc. etc.) and what our bodies need those different things for, and in what ratios, but be so very careful of talking about her body shape, it can so easily end badly!

My DD is 8.

She understands that treats are just that - occasionally and not for hunger. I wouldn't be worried about the avocado or butter etc as this is unprocessed natural food etc. I always give small portions at meal times and I let her ask for more, and I never have pushed her to finish her plate - and I always ask her if she is still hungry before I give seconds.

All children have sweet tooth. I think ok to explain that these treats are nutritionally empty so our bodies don't really need. I don't generally buy junk (ie crisps/biscuits/chocolate). Plus during the summer you can encourage more activity - eg I took my DD swimming and encouraged her to swim 30 lengths. Later we went to the park cycling.

Don't have an insincere conversation.

Kids do not do as they are told, they accept as normal whatever you do.

What are you like when it comes to food and diet? If you eat a normal balanced diet, so will she.

Be very careful, my sister told me I was getting fat when I was around 13 - I started crash dieting, bingeing - I really got a bit screwed up with food till I was 21 and then I managed to get a grip. I don't believe I was getting fat, I think I was going through puberty - my hip and thighs were getting bigger as they were supposed to do. I really wish she'd kept her opinions to herself.

I'd get rid of junk food in the house, call it a health kick for everyone.

Thanks for feedback and thoughtful suggestions.

I am aware that speaking about her body in any sort of negative or critical way is wrong and can affect her self confidence.

Must admit I felt totally unprepared for a mini-meltdown that occurred two weeks ago. We are going on an active holiday shortly, and the medical form asked for weight ranges on all participants. I filled in our forms, and dd questioned the box I ticked for her. We do not have a scale at home, so she insisted on weighing herself at my friend's house - cue real tears and sobbing. She had not weighed herself in about a year and was dismayed at the number.

i was completely stunned and unprepared to deal with her reaction, but reassured her that it was a fine number as she is a healthy strong girl, and one of the tallest in her year (we are now the same height and wear the same size shoe). I hope I handled it well, but it took me by surprise.

I know this issue can be a minefield - and one insensitive comment can resonate for years.

My mum never passed judgement op people's appearance, as she did not find it important. That taught me A LOT. She has never said, ever: "Oh, so and so has put on weight", or "she is fatter than she used to be". To my parents, appearance was never important and never discussed. So I grew up thinking it was more important what sort of person you ARE (with being "kind" being the holy grail) rather than how you look. With hindsight, This was very valuable!

Also a lot of girls get a little chubbier before developing boobs, so don't panic! I agree keep as active as poss and model healthy- not weight loss- eating.

That great chandon but gaining weight is not all about how you look, carrying extra weight and eating too much sugar is bad for your health and shouldn't be ignored....but rather handled carefully as the op is trying to do.

I'd be thinking about way to boost her self esteem, teach her how to dress to flatter her shape and feel good in what she wears...she'll be less body conscious if her clothes look good on her.

My DD(11) is overweight. She is fully aware of this. I do everything I can to make sure that it's not an issue, as such, but I don't see the point in denying it when she says it. Instead, I ask her what she would like me to do to help her.

I was reading (I think it was on the NHS website) the other day about overweight children and how the best thing to do is not to actively try to have them lose weight, but rather try to stabilise their weight while they grow taller. Also, children of this age need to do at least an hour's exercise every day, and a mixture of cardio and strength training, much as an adult ought to. Ideas given included skipping (with a rope), trampolining, dancing, active Wii games, walking/running/hiking, hula hooping, cycling, frisbee, roller skating etc.

I know that in my house, we all already eat a very healthy diet, with everything in moderation. Yes, we can still have treats and meals out, but we're all aware that they're a break from the norm, and we tend to allow for them by eating more sensibly for the rest of the day/weekend.

I'm also concerned about my DS1's (also 11yo) activity levels decreasing as he goes to secondary school. He's not sporty but at the moment he play involves running around like a mad thing, but I guess that will stop soon.

We try to demonstrate a generally active lifestyle in the hope that some of that will stay with the DC. As others have said it doesn't matter what you say, it's what you do which will stick. So, we wash the cars by hand (not car wash) and get DC involved, we walk or cycle all journeys less than 30 mins, do lots of gardening, take active holidays, bowling rather than cinema, make a day out of a trip to a country pub, by walking there (not so mum and dad can have a drink, honest!) regular family swimming etc etc.

As far as her choices in restaurants are concerned, I think that is an issue for everyone and the only way to change that is not to go so often. In the same way that chocolate biscuits are a treat, so are meals out IMO.

If her diet is otherwise good, you have nothing to worry about.

Hmm - look what i accidentally stumbled upon a few hours ago (and yes, it IS the Daily Mail!):

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2168840/Its-duty-tell-son-hes-fat.html

What do you think about how this woman handled the issue?

Two things - her child spent half term procuring massive amounts of junk food - she's the parent why was she allowing her child to buy huge amounts of junk?
Secondly this article is about her not her child. I don't have an issue with her discussing her sons weight gain with him but she should have taken more responsibility over his diet initially.