I am so very unhappy with my weight.

[whatlauradid]

Hii all. I'm here looking for advice, support and motivation.

I'm 5ft9in and currently weigh 18st8lb. A few monyhs ago I started a diet and started going to the gym. I went from 19st3lb to 18st5lb at my lowest. I found that going to the gym was enjoyable but an expense I couldn't afford and with two young DC's and a partner who works it was difficult to find the time and inclination.

I've always been okay with my body. Not happy but not depressed to the point of tears. I bought a pair of red wide leg trousers from Primark in a size 20 and I can't do them up over my stomach. I feel disgusting.

I enjoy chocolate etc but my main vices are pasta, Monster energy drinks, coffee, cheese and bread. I don't eat a lot but it seems that when I do my meals must be high calorie to have not lost weight. I'm active around the house and own an elliptical machine that I rarely use. I need to use it more as at the moment it is used for storing clothes. I walk the dog for fifteen minutes every day but that could be upped to half an hour if I take over my partners evening walk.

I can't afford to have meals delivered or to do WW or SW so would calorie counting help? How many calories should I eat a day to lose weight before exercise? I need to think long term here and to lose at least four stone, preferably six.

I'm a calorie counting novice but I need help. I'm sorry this is so long.

I don't actually follow a specific diet; I've just cut out the refined/starchy carbs and eat lean meats, salad, veg, nuts, seeds, olives, avocadoes, some fruit. I avoid all the meat fats (I don't like them) and found that I haven't needed butter/spread because I'm not eating bread. I also eat some cheese, have natural yoghurt for breakfast and still have tea and coffee with milk. And as I say the weight's falling off. Maybe it doesn't work for everyone, but it does seem universally popular.

Just like to add, I heard on the radio this morning that studies in Sweden have shown that low-carb diets lead to high cholesterol; I think this must mean HIGH FAT diets, rather than low-carb iyswim.

It depends on the fat though doesn't it? olive oil is incredibly healthy and slimming i couldn't believe that Dukan says 'no' to it. it shows what a daft diet it is,

I?m gradually losing weight but without sticking to any particular ?plan? although I?ve read lots and lots of books and ?sampled? various diets and plans (including Paul McKenna, WW, SW, low carb, and all diets, books and apps named so far!) My favourites of the ones named are ?Eating Less? and Paul McKenna.

Anyway, here are some simple ideas for substitutions with things you know are a problem:-

• Avoid milk chocolate, but have a small square of 80% dark chocolate every day. It?s good for you and will stop the addiction calling you. Just one square a day, mind ? it still contains fat and sugar.
• Instead of pasta try finely shredded cabbage. Really nice with bolognaise, much lower carbs/GI/calories.
• Instead of rice try steamed cauliflower. Some people make ?cauliflower rice? but I find life?s too short to bother? Cauliflower goes beautifully with curry. Make your curry with frylight rather than butter/ghee, use lean meat, spices and tinned tomatoes rather than jars of sauce.
• Quit energy drinks ? go cold turkey - they are designed for performance athletes. The fact that they are mass-marketed to the general public is morally questionable, on a par with the tobacco industry imo. Switch to diet coke if you must. But really water is a dieter?s best friend.
• Black coffee doesn?t contain calories as long as you don?t add sugar. Just be careful that you don?t ?switch addictions? from sugar highs to caffeine highs or you?ll get the nausea/headaches that go along with it.
• Plan your week?s food in advance when you?ve eaten so you?re not hungry when you shop. Do an online shop so you?re not tempted in the supermarket and buy just the things you need for your meal plan. Don?t go too strict in the beginning ? you?ll ?rebound? and feel worse when you can?t stick to it. Go for low GI filling healthy foods, and make small incremental changes.
• Take over your partner?s dog walk and measure how far you walk in half an hour the first time you do it. Try to walk further within the half hour next day. Gradually increase the pace ? but don?t start running yet. Just walk a bit faster, and a bit faster until you can add a gentle occasional jog within the half hour.
• take your clothes off the elliptical, put some ?energy? music on your headphones, put your trainers and your headphones next to the machine so that it?s easy to just hop on, and try to do it first thing in the morning in your PJs before you?ve had time to think of reasons why you haven?t got time
• Think of ?non-food? ways to treat and reward yourself. A bubble bath, giving yourself a home manicure and pedicure, curling up with a book and a hot drink ? whatever makes you feel good.

Good luck ? that miserable feeling is awful, but it can be a turning point and the start of a decision to take care of yourself. You deserve to feel genuinely happy with yourself ? not just ?not depressed to the point of tears? ? that?s not enough! Perhaps you could think about working on gratitude and an attitude of loving kindness towards your body? personally I didn?t appreciate my body until I had meningitis and my body stopped working (completely recovered now). Before that I used to compare myself to others and beat myself up. These days I try to eat healthily because I?m grateful to my body for recovering from illness and giving me my wonderful DS, and I try to nurture my body in return for all it?s done for me rather than punishing it for not being Gwyneth Paltrow?s body.

Careful with coffee though; IME it 'Holds" onto weight;when i stopped my just one a day habit I immediately lost quite a lot weight without trying!

The "easiest" way to lose weight is to eat plenty of lean protein and lots of vegetables, with a small amount of carbohydrate, and then fruit for dessert. Drink only water and tea/infusions (no sugar).

I've bern naughty. A bottle of wine before 8pm.

Look - you are in charge of your body and your weight. If you choose to drink a bottle of wine before 8pm then fair enough. But if you want to lose weight, that's not going to do it, is it?

Also the morning and day after that amount of wine will give you a MISERABLE feeling!

BIWI is talking sense - I know with some of my serial dieter friends there seems to be a giggly conspiratorial approach to being "naughty" and confessing sins, and I include myself in that sometimes.

But, it's not going to help in the long term if you really do want to lose weight. Sometimes people are unhappy with their weight, but not sufficiently unhappy / motivated to actually do something about it.

Drink lots of water to clear any hangover, draw a line under it and start again - if that's what you want.

Agree with BIWI and ToryLovell. I actually think the way that dieting has hijacked the language of morality is counterproductive. eg My friend serial dieter says stuff like 'Oh, I was good all day yesterday and then at the end of the day I was soooo bad'. To which I was tempted to reply 'What you mean you spent all day volunteering to help the homeless, then mugged an old lady on your way home?'. And she'll look at my lunchbox and say 'Oh, you're being good, aren't you?' 'Erm, no I'm eating my lunch while reading Mumsnet actually...' It's not 'naughty' to eat food or drink wine. It's just fattening.

I was feeling depressed and drank wine. Vicious cycle. I'm off out tomorrow night so will stick to low calorie drinks but will probably have a few of them. Thursday I start low carbing with no alcohol.

I have been exercising despite the wine.

How many units do you usually drink per week whatlauradid? You said in your OP that "I don't eat a lot but it seems that when I do my meals must be high calorie to have not lost weight." Could the extra calories be coming from wine? If so you should notice a BIG difference on your no alcohol regime from Thursday. When you go out tomorrow night try to stick to the lower calories drinks (eg vodka and slimline tonic or diet coke). Good luck.

I don't usually drink at home at all. I was given the wine and I rarely go out so the extra caliriss can't be from alcohol.

Well done for the exercising anyway. And I agree with becstarsky, drinking or eating more than you intended isn't immoral, it doesn't make you naughty! It's no more naughty than not getting to the end of a to-do list. Just means that you need strategies to help you match up what you want to do with what you end up doing.

"I also use food as emotional reprieve and reward which I have no idea how to combat doing." Can you analyse the moments when this happens a bit more - are you bored? lonely? needing to relax? Are you actually hungry at these times? Maybe it would help to think of some alternative strategies you could use in those situations. A nice relaxing bath... phoning a friend... playing a game on computer/phone? Knitting or painting your nails, to give you something to do with your hands? Or even just switching your 'reward food' for a healthier alternatives, like some chopped up fruit, or carrot sticks and dips.

It's Thursday, so good luck, whatlauradid, on your first day

I hope that it goes well for you. Come and talk to us on the Bootcamp threads - lots of lovely people there who will help and support you.

I do wave my big stick around occasionally although not as as often as I should to help keep everyone on track. You will be very welcome.

Hi whatlauradid - I have had similar(ish) problems - sounds (like me) that you have had problems with refined carbohydrate (you eat it, feel like you need more and get in a viscous, almost addiction-like cycle). I lost a lot of weight (several stone in a few months) on a low carb diet (but not as low as Atkins) - it is called the 'New High Protein Diet' by Dr Charles Clark (it's on Amazon). I ended up getting hooked on sugar again and gained lots back (I also quit ciggies at this time and got married and had a child!) Recently I tried Cambridge Diet and have lost a lot - but essentially, it is low carb and low calorie.

I intend to go back to restricted (but not zero!) carb diet long term - i.e. no more than 1 slice of bread a day, avoid potato, very limited rice, no pasta, no sugary drinks, no breakfast cereal (apart from porridge which is very low GI), lots of green vegetables (not starchy ones) and lean meat, fish and a little cheese. This is similar to aspects of Dukan and South Beach diets too.

Some people seem to get on well with lower carb diets than others, so it might not be the answer, but it might be worth considering. For me, WW and calorie counting alone wasn't the answer - it was getting my refined carbohydrate intake down.

Hope that helps, and good luck !!

I meant to mention that for controlling portion size - try reading 'Eat Less' by Gillian Riley (www.amazon.co.uk/Eating-Less-Say-Goodbye-Overeating/dp/0091902479/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1339657168&sr=8-1). Her strategies are very useful.

Also Paul Mckennacockneydad That is a PERMANENT solution IMO E and O.

hi ppeatfruit - tried it - didn't get on with it !